A couple of days ago, my beautiful wife shared this meme on Facebook:

Oh, how I chuckled.
But this morning, as I was downloading a new text editor, I confronted:

Now you, gentle reader, can chuckle as the joke is on me.
To be able to say "Noggle," you first must be able to say "Nah."
A couple of days ago, my beautiful wife shared this meme on Facebook:

Oh, how I chuckled.
But this morning, as I was downloading a new text editor, I confronted:

Now you, gentle reader, can chuckle as the joke is on me.
I chose this book because it was on my floor. It’s a Scholastic book from 1963, when my mother would have been starting high school. Not that the books was hers, of course–I picked it up somewhere later. But it’s interesting to think that this book was targeted to kids, well, kids my mother’s age, in the middle 1960s.
The book contains:
Overall, I liked the book. The stories were short and clever and made me want to write short stories like this. Kind of like the inspiration I felt reading The Twilight Zone Encyclopedia.
Unfortunately, it hasn’t yet inspired me yet to finish a short story like this. I am too busy reading these books to actually write anything.
This variety of Tide, unlike the other leading brands, leaves your freshly laundered clothing smelling like fresh linen.

Which makes me wonder what the other brands or, more importantly, the other varieties of Tide leave your clothing smelling like.
(I know, I know: “Clean Linen” is a particular scent that gets added to a number of cleaning products. We have a number of Glade Plugin things that carry the same scent. It’s kind of like the “Grape” flavor in candies and Kool Aid: a common artifice. And you’re saying: How many colons can he use in one parenthetical? Just this many: four.)
This book calls itself “A Novella In Verse”, but although it’s kind of pitched as a series of poems, they are not as related as one would think. The publication history indicates that many of the 45 poems within appeared in numerous poetry journals independently, and one appeared in an anthology of poems about September 11, 2001. So they’re more related thematically than perhaps intentionally built to convey a single story.
That said, I enjoyed the book for the most part. As you might know, gentle reader, I’ve been reading the complete works of John Keats lately (and have just completed Endymion after a couple weeks), so this book came as a breath of fresh air with its more modern language and imagery.
The connective tissue of the poems, I guess, is growing older and looking back on a relationship that recently ended. It’s the sort of things poets are best at, or perhaps the ones I respond to (my best poetry days were in that swirl of uncertainty).
I rather enjoyed the first half of it for its evocative freshness (which I appreciated after reading the Keats and some of the other chapbooks I consume regularly), but towards the end of it, I got a little bored. An overarching conceit of having a movie made of one’s life didn’t work for me–the use of another art form as a metaphor and the narrative elements of it detracted from the poetry’s immediacy.
But I would read more by this poet and wonder if I would enjoy his earlier work more.
Ever since my children were little, I’ve tried to instill in them good habits in crossing parking lots. Keep your head on a swivel, watch for the white lights in the red, and so on.
And whenever I saw a car in motion, I would say, “Be advised there are fast boomers inbound.”
Daddy was misquoting a line from Forrest Gump:
The actual line is “This is Strongarm. Be advised your fast movers are inbound at this time.”
Ah, well, if they haven’t learned by now, let them see now that their father is imperfect.
Also, I don’t want to make you feel old, old man, but Forrest Gump is 25 years old now.
In my defense, I probably haven’t seen it in 20 years, which explains the misquoting.
Wednesday nights at Nogglestead are often Daddy Movie Nights during the school year because the boys have a church midweek thing and my beautiful wife practices with the choir, which means I can watch a full movie with violence or bad words in it. Or, more likely, an old movie, but I can watch it from start to finish without interruption.
But in the late winter and early spring, I often take a triathlon class, and this year is no exception, which puts Daddy Movie Night on hiatus for a couple of months–almost to the end of the school year.
So tonight, I skipped the triathlon class because I wanted to watch a movie. But the universe repaid me for my perfidy and thwarted movie night.
Here is the actual order of the movies I could not watch and the myriad reasons why:
By this point, I was too beside myself to watch anything, and I really didn’t have enough time for a whole movie any more anyway.
So I gave up and did some housework. And wrote a blog post. And, soon, I will check the VCR connections to see if the audio is loose. I hope it’s something simple like that because I have a lot of videocassettes, and we’ve somehow already reached the point where you don’t see used VCRs at garage sales any more.
So let me foreshadow for you: MfBJN will not feature a post on a movie I just watched in the next couple of days.
UPDATE: The VCR uses a computer/TV switchbox to connect to the receiver, and the switch was in the wrong position. BOYS.
I should bookmark this so I know how to solve the problem when I next encounter it in 2024.
Last night’s triathlon class was brutal: We started with some hill running and then cooled off in the pool with some timed intervals. Let’s be honest: I have not improved in swimming in two years, and last night the swim about killed me. During drills, I focused on too many things and lost my breathing rhythm, which meant I breathed and swallowed a lot of air and a lot of water, both going to the wrong chambers in my torso.
But then, The Spice Girls’ “Wannabe” came on the music piped into the pool.
Another fellow in the remedial swim lane has a strategy of walking most of the laps, and he was finishing a length of the pool not far behind me as I did whatever it is I do that is almost as fast as walking in water.
“I’m not going to drown and have the Spice Girls be the last words I hear,” I announced to him.
And I did not drown.
So consider me inspired by the Spice Girls.
Looking back on this blog, I see the other mention of the Spice Girls comes from 2005, where I boasted I could name them all even though I’d only listened to a complete Spice Girls song once. I think fourteen years later, I could go four out of five, maybe. Also, back in, what, 1997, I wrote about them in The Cynic Express’d.
In 2019, that might count as an obsession.
The Springfield Business Journal has selected the 2019 40 Under 40 list, and I didn’t make it, again.
Of course, I’m no longer eligible, and these magazines don’t tend to create 30 Who Try To Act Like They’re Under 30 lists.
That said, I’m pleased to be on the 7.5 Billion Not Under Six Feet list yet again today. So I’ll start there for the day.
ABC Books has been doing a good job of lining up authors (well, all except one) to come in on Saturday afternoon, so I try to make an excuse to go up there when I can to visit the authors and get their books. Which is why I was up there on Saturday even though I already bought books on Thursday.
So I bought a couple.

I got:
It was an hour round trip to the north of Springfield to support a local-ish author and my friends at ABC Books. And, I cleaned up after my recent bookshelf collapse by stacking the books horizontally on the surviving shelves, which means I have more room for books.
Spring, or as it is known at Nogglestead, “Repair the Gates Season.”
This year, I didn’t have any trouble with the hinges (so far) since I attached them with carriage bolts driven completely through the posts/gates and secured on the other side with a washer and a bolt.
But this year, the wind tore the edge picket off of one of my gates, and that’s where the hardware to close the gate attached, so it has been blowing in the strong winds of early march. So I replaced the picket today, eventually.
Because Spring is also known as “This Drill’s Battery Ran Out Of Charge/Where Is The Other Battery?” season.
I believe the Germans have a word for it, but it’s not as melliflous as the original Ojibwe.
Now that we have convinced America that Die Hard is a Christmas movie, it’s time to take our game to the next level.
Adventures in Babysitting is a Marvel film.

I watched this film over and over as a kid because it was on Showtime, and I wasn’t supposed to leave the trailer when my mother was working, which was all summer long for a couple of years. So if you’re a longtime reader, you know I watched a lot of films that appeared on Showtime over and over.
Which is why I remember that the little girl wore a Thor helmet throughout and even, if I’m not mistaken, wielded Mjolnir at the beginning of the film, and at the end, she thinks that the helpful mechanic is Thor. What if he was? He didn’t look to different from the Thor from the Incredible Hulk television movie (The Incredible Hulk Returns).

As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure Marvel has actually made this little girl Thor at one point in the comic books.
Also, look at the back:

A Marvel copyright statement.
Q.E.D.
(See also Now That The Die Hard Battle Is Won.)
Yesterday, we dropped by the annual garage sale at church that benefits the youth group. It always happens on spring break, which always catches us by surprise, as we like to clean out a little and donate some things, and we always end up just dumping random nearby things into a box.
But never books. No, never books. Well, unless they’re duplicates or titles that I decide I will probably never want to read.
But I did manage to find a couple for myself at the sale.
I got:
I also got Natalie Cole’s Christmas album Holly & Ivy along with DVDs on learning American Sign Language, a Groucho Marx compilation from You Bet Your Life, and a collection of The Three Stooges films, and Adventures in Babysitting on VHS.
Total cost was less than $20. The total time to enjoy them all is, what, three or four weeks? The total time until I do so: Decades, if ever.
But we got a couple of kids a couple miles closer to the national youth gathering in Minneapolis this summer if nothing else.
I don’t comment on the news a lot these days because it’s boring and everyone does it. Maybe I should, though, because in the heydey of this blog, I was doing a lot of snark on the news. But most of the heydey of the blog came before Twitter.
At any rate, a couple recent stories caught my eye.
Look at this headline:

Dems and divided GOP approve birth control bill makes it sound like a bill sponsored by Democrats peeled off a couple RINOs. However:
Over the objection of a handful of conservative holdouts, a bipartisan majority came together in the Missouri House on Monday to pass a bill making it easier to refill birth control.
The St. Joseph Republican told colleagues that current requirements can leave women with gaps in coverage that make it more likely they will have unplanned pregnancies and either abortions or babies they’re not prepared to support.
This was a Republican bill with bipartisan support. Why do the Democrats get the top billing in the headline? Speculate the usual way among yourselves.
Also, there’s this story: Springfield woman sentenced for statutory rape involving 14-year-old boy:
On Monday, Conway, 42, went before a Greene County judge to be sentenced for two statutory rape convictions.
Conway was convicted at a trial in November, more than two years after the victim came forward about the abuse, which prosecutors say began in about 2012 in Springfield.
Assistant Greene County Prosecutor Dane Rennier said Monday that Conway’s case was one of the first child sex abuse cases he was assigned, and he vowed to treat it the same as he would if the gender roles were reversed. The majority of cases prosecutors handle involve male defendants.
At Monday’s sentencing hearing, Rennier asked for 15 years in prison, which he said is slightly more than the average sentence for someone with Conway’s convictions.
Sounds like the prosecutor reads Instapundit, who often highlights how women get sentenced more lightly than men in these sorts of cases (like this one today).
(I struggled with how to work Holly Getsentencedlightly into this snark, but I could not.)

Facebook is down for some, Instagram is being glitchy, too [sic]
So people are dealing with Facebook outages today, which is only slightly different from the rest of the time.
When they’re dealing with Facebook outrages.
Hey-yo!
Captain Capitalism tells us how he really thinks:
I don’t think the English language is robust or thorough enough for me to convey my hatred, despisement, and loathing of English majors. They are first and foremost lazy people who decide to major in a language they’re already fluent in by the age of 4. They are intellectual inferiors who think studying a subject to the point of atomic levels of anal retentive detail is a legitimate endeavor. And worst of all they are fascist tyrants who lord their technical, but impractical, knowledge of petty rules and laws of a “language” over the rest of us who use the language to live our lives, not make it our lives, because we have lives…unlike English majors.
I cannot overstate how inferior English majors are or how much I hate their loathesome and laughably inferior selves.
Ha, ha, your humble host laughs, that’s not me! I also was a philosophy major!
Is that hysterical laughter barely keeping me from tears?
You, gentle reader, must tease that out of the text and write a three page paper defending your conclusion.
BOOK SALE/ INTERNET WAREHOUSE/ BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS in Webster Groves, Missouri – everything must be moved out!!! Bookstore owner must move out of her house by end of the month and sell off personal collection and Internet storage. Over 15,000 books One-of-a-Kind bargains. Collectibles, rare books, first editions, children’s books, new, used, out of print books in all categories Most Hardcovers $2 paperbacks $1 By the Box as low as $10 Come make offer! ALSO household items, furniture, piano, musical instruments, puzzles, games

I’m trying to suss out whether that means The Book House is winding down operations.
One thing I’m sure is that I’m kind of glad that I’m in Springfield these days, especially since my current bookshelves are collapsing under the weight of my existing books.

Again.
When I bought this book in Baraboo, Wisconsin, I thought it was a local history book. That’s not exactly what it is. It first tries to determine where the name Baraboo comes from, from the word for catfish, beautiful sandbar, or a vine.
The book eventually settles upon the theory that the river took its name from a French Canadian trader, François Barbeau, who set up a trading post on a bluff on the river. He traces Barbeau back to his youth and then to his military service at Fort Michilimackinac, from whence he received a commission to conduct the trading expedition to southwest Wisconsin (which, of course, was not yet Wisconsin).
The book weaves a lot of history from the colonial period into a narrative of traveling by canoe from the junction of Lake Huron and Lake Michigan across lakes and rivers to a trading post where they collected furs all winter and then returned when the ice broke up in spring. You get sidebars about equipment, lots of discussion of the native tribes in the area, and whatnot.
It’s a pretty good, relatively short (180 pages) narrative from a long stretch of time that gets pretty short shrift in history books and classes. I enjoyed it a bunch.
If I had read it immediately, I could have visited Fort Michilimackinac when I was in Michigan last year. Ah, well. Maybe next time.
It’s the strangest thing: I could have sworn that I just read the first collection of Sherlock Holmes stories, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, recently. But a quick search of this blog and the spreadsheet I use to track my accumulated reading since 2009 indicates I have not apparently read that collection in the last sixteen years. I even looked at my recently read bookshelves to see if I had missed it in my electronic tracking, and I had not. My book database software indicates that I have two (!) editions of the first collection, including one by Reader’s Digest that I remember so clearly.
So I don’t know why I thought I’d read it recently. Perhaps because I just read The Man Who Knew Too Much last year. Maybe I’ve even got another copy of The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes floating around that I’ve seen recently on my to-read shelves.
Regardless.
This book tells the story of the reanimation of Sherlock Holmes by the Romulans (sorry, wrong book) a collection of stories about Sherlock Holmes set in the 1890s after he makes known to Watson that he did not actually die in “The Final Problem” but faked his death so he could hunt for those who wanted him dead. The book includes 13 stories that vary in tone and resolution; they’re pleasant enough to read, but too many of them in a row became a little tedious for me.
From a historical perspective, although we think of Sherlock Holmes as gaslight era, the last of the Holmes yarns appeared in print after the first Agatha Christie Hercule Poirot books appeared. The latter seem so modern and the former so old-timey. Partly that is because the last of the Holmes stories were a bit of an anachronism when they appeared, and Christie wrote of the modern world with cars, telephones, radios, and in her later works more modern technology yet. It highlights, though, the vast changes that occurred in England and in the world between the end of the nineteenth century and the 1920s. Of course, if you’ve watched Downton Abbey, you’d be aware of this as well.
In “The Six Napoleons”, part of the investigation deals with Italian immigrants, and one of them is suspected of being Mafia. So Sherlock Holmes is a forerunner of Mack Bolan. Face it, we’re one encounter with a young man named Broz from Sherlock Holmes touching all the greatest 20th century detective/heroes.
I marked a couple of other things:
Sherlock Holmes lives in our imagination in the pantheon of immortal literary heroes, right alongside King Arthur, Robin Hood, and the Count of Monte Cristo.
A book I picked up as I avoid finishing The Count of Monte Cristo calls me out.
At any rate, an enjoyable read, but probably best read a story or two at a time.
Cyclists, hikers find alligator along Ozark Greenways Trail in Springfield:
Cyclists and hikers spotted an unexpected reptile along a trail in Springfield over the weekend.
Jason Stratton said he was riding his bicycle Saturday afternoon when he received text messages from his son, AJ, who was cycling just ahead of him on the South Creek Trail. The trail runs from National Avenue to Battlefield Road.
“He sends me a couple text messages saying ‘Hey, you need to come down here,'” Jason Stratton said. “And then he gives me a call, ‘No, you really need to come down here and check this out. You won’t regret it.’”
About five minutes later, Jason Stratton arrived to find his son and a couple other folks staring at what looks to be a stick in the middle of the trail.
“I’m thinking ‘Why is this of any interest at all?'” Jason Stratton said. “As soon as I got up close to it, I could tell what it was we were looking at, of course.”
It was an alligator.
Not only do we have to sometimes worry about cobra around here, but now alligators.
Although I have to say it was a pretty active alligator for winter.
And before you ask, yes, that trail does run right by my boys’ school; they run on it during cross country season all the time.
UPDATE:Here is some security camera footage of the Greenway Trail the night before last:
The father glanced out the front window and looked again.
“What!” he cried.
He threw open the front door and shouted, “No! No power tools!” at his ten-year-old son who was lying in the yard using an electric hedge trimmer on the brown grass.
* * * *