Don’t Know Much About Historical Geography

So I spent some time on Thanksgiving with an X-Acto knife and fifteen-year-old copies of magazines like French Cottage and English Garden that I bought at an estate sale in the autumn and that languished on the desk in my parlor ever since. Don’t ask me what for.

But I did snicker at this article headline.

French Bohemian flair? That’s like saying Canadian Mexican flair. One suspects the headline writer only knew Bohemian as the adjective for funky hippie artistic, not that Bohemia was an actual place in Europe that’s now part of, what, the Czech Republic? Although it has been held by the Germans and the Holy Roman Empire in the past, it has never been part of France.

Oh, all right, I’ll tell you why: Because this autumn, I did a couple of découpage projects, and I bought a big bottle of Mod Podge for them, so I thought I’d pick up some magazines to look for images to use in collages. So I finally got around to cutting out promising looking images and discarding the remainder of the magazines. When my beautiful wife asked me about it, I gave her the real answer: I am generating raw materials for crafts that I won’t get around to doing, much like already clutter the shelves in the garage.

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I Have All Her Albums

But I was not standing shoulder to shoulder with her other fans: Loren Cook Fans protect Republic, MO Amazon Fulfillment Center

Just kidding. I have never heard any of her music. Is she any good?

One moment: I have been handed a note–apparently, this is a sponsored story by a ventilation company, not a group of like-aestheticked individuals coming together to stop looting.

Never mind, carry on.

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Start ‘Em Young

Old and busted: Wine Moms.

New hotness: Wine Kids.

Winery owner to buy Missouri nursery

Wait a minute, I’ve been handed a note: The Springfield Business Journal headline is misleading. Apparently, the corporation owning the winery is buying landscaping companies.

Never mind, carry on.

And recognize that this might well be the very last time, at least according to the chronology of the writing, where you read Old and busted/new hotness.

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Got The Magic Words In The Headline (II)

Plymouth shooting gunman ‘is America obsessed gun nut who shared Donald Trump quotes’

Undoubtedly, his favorite was the one where Donald Trump said if you cannot get laid, you maybe should try injecting some lead into random people; it couldn’t hurt.

You might be forgiven, casual news glancer, if you started to connect Donald Trump and QAnon and Republican with anything bad ever happening anywhere on the planet.

Forgiven? Heck, you will be rewarded with up-twinkles.

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Got The Magic Words In The Headline

Man killed his kids with spear gun because of QAnon conspiracy theories, FBI says:

A California father confessed to killing his two young children after researching QAnon and Illuminati conspiracy theories that led him to believe they had “serpent DNA,” according to an FBI affidavit.

Matthew Taylor Coleman, a 40-year-old surf instructor, has been charged with killing his 2-year-old son and 10-month-old daughter, the Associated Press reported.

The man killed them because he was crazy. Also, estranged from their mother.

But, gentle reader, if you got the impression from the headline that he killed them because he felt the 2020 election might have had some notable irregularities and because Donald Trump told him to inject spears into his children, well, the Right Thinkers are guiding you to the Right Way.

Full disclosure: I do not spread QAnon conspiracy theories. I spread QAoui conspiracy theories.

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Ability to Play Petula Clark’s “Downtown” Hastily Removed

Tesla’s new Boombox feature will let car owners fart at unsuspecting neighbors:

Tesla’s new holiday update will finally give people the ability to use a new Boombox mode, which can broadcast custom audio on the outside of the car (hence the name). As is common with new Tesla features, Boombox combines real utility with lowbrow humor: owners can use fart and goat sounds in lieu of normal, boring honking sounds car horns usually make.

(Link via Ace of Spades HQ.)

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Sounds Better Than A Bomb Cyclone, Anyway

UK Weather: Britain braces for 48-hour snow bomb as temperatures set to plunge to -5C.

Maybe bomb cyclones only hit the Ozarks.

I am thankful to live in times and in a society where meterologists use bomb as a metaphor, and we are not so accustomed to the concrete realities of actual bombs exploding around us with enough frequency to see what a ridiculous metaphor that is for weather which is in the range of normal.

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