I’m used to seeing ads for the “I am from Wisconsin, but I live in Missouri” t-shirts that indicate that I’m a Packers fan or a Milwaukee fan or something.
But I got this one:
The Milwaukee Braves are juuuuuust a bit outside my lifetime.
My oldest baseball card, though, is a Del Crandall Milwaukee Braves card from about 1952 that I probably found when I was living in the projects; its corners are rounded and I think it’s taped together. But that doesn’t make me an Atlanta Braves fan. And I’m not sure when Facebook tossed my closet to review my baseball card collection.
REPORT: Washington Redskins Will Likely Change To The Washington Warriors.
Come on, son: “Warriors” has been racist for over 25 years. Anyone remember these guys?
Yeah, me either.
Gosh, after 26 years, I guess I have to explain. The Marquette University mascot had been the Warriors for fifty years when a couple of activists of some stripe or another decided that the word “warrior” was demeaning to native Americans (the depiction was of a native American warrior, one iteration of which wore a historically appropriate outfit that native tribes helped design), so they held a poll amongst students to rename them. Strangely enough, my votes for Jumpin’ Jesuits and Fighting Octopi were wasted, as the first round yielded not the result that the university wanted, so they had a run-off to get the result they wanted. You can read my contemporaneous column for the Marquette Tribune here and a more recent history of Marquette mascots here.
And the clock is ticking for them to discover that the “golden” part of Golden Eagles is racist. And “Eagles” might be jingoisticly patriotic or something.
Meanwhile, Marquette University is in the news again in an unflattering way, again:
Marquette University is a ridiculously left-wing institution, but this, from the College Fix, is appalling. An incoming freshman may have her acceptance revoked because she is a Trump supporter….
So, Brian J., you’re a profligate supporter of education, giving money to various schools and churches across the country, but how much do you give to Marquette every year? None, gentle reader: I already paid for what I got from them. I chose Marquette when I was twelve years old, and when I went there it was starting to be an environment where a conservative was an outlier. Now, I’m sure, it’s a place that’s unsafe for conservatives because the other students feel unsafe. And, I remind you, it has its first lay president instead of a Jesuit, so it’s on the clock for its Catholic affiliation ending entirely. So, yeah, let it do its thing there.
(Link via Instapundit.)
Perhaps Facebook listened when I wasn’t talking to it, as I’ve started getting more masculine outfit frames for t-shirt ads compared to the shoes and jeans layout:
To be honest, I wore a layered look a lot in my youth with generally a collared shirt over a t-shirt (and a classic fedora to top it off).
But I’m a man now, and unless I’m going to a sporting event or athletic event, I wear a button-up collared shirt. Although I’ve been wearing jeans and sneakers as I rehab a perpetual sports injury these days, so the full Grant is mostly off and the fedora gathers dust.
But, yeah, t-shirts are not a part of my official wardrobe, really.
But I bought a couple from Facebook ads, so I get ads for t-shirts all day long.
Facebook shows t-shirt ads in the feed in the following formats:
- Just the shirt.
- A celebrity holding up the shirt, wherein the celebrity probably held up a green shirt and t-shirt vendors paste anything they want on it.
- A shirt lying on a surface with a pair of shoes and maybe pants, like this:
What is that all about? Are they expecting people to coordinate their cheap t-shirts with shoes and whatnot? Come on, what kind of person does that?
Just take whats at the front of the drawer and go about your business like a man. Perhaps I have answered my own question.
Ha! I kid, but in a way that could be true. I mean, Facebook recommended this group to me:
Given that I’m in only a few groups (several related to my martial arts school, a couple related to multisports/running, a couple and the Legion of Metal Friends), I can’t figure out why the algorithm spit out this particular suggestion.
Unless Facebook on my beautiful wife’s phone heard me mangling some Spanglish and reported it to home base.
Ha! I kid. Or did I say that to cover my actual, raging paranoia?
Facebook has offered me the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to buy a tactical coin purse.
You know what would be better? Using your fanny pack, which has more range.
So Facebook, which thinks I like two things in the world (virtual athletic events and t-shirts), pushed this into my feed yesterday:
And I wouldn’t have known who that was except that I watched the Clint Eastwood movie Kelly’s Heroes in which the Donald Sutherland character Oddball (depicted on the shirt) appears. And I watched it, on DVD or videocassette in a device not connected to the Internet.
But I probably had my phone nearby….
At any rate, I did not buy this shirt. To be honest, although I bought the Scipio t-shirt, I am generally not in the market for them as athletic events keep my drawer bursting with them, and I have been relying upon them a lot for birthday and Christmas presents lately, so I probably won’t buy more than a couple a year.
Meanwhile, I get the ads. Also, Facebook seems to think I have a thing for otters, but really, I was just talking about Pauly Shore (the Weasel) movies recently. Well, okay, Encino Man, because it also stars Brendan Fraser. So who knows what the Facebook AI thinks?
All it knows is that it can extend advertising reach if I make fun of it.
I mean, the picture is of an attractive young woman, and the ad is something something reverse mortgage, which is a (foolish) divestment strategy for people who own their own home:
I mean, look at her; she’s too young to own her own home, and if she inherits her parent’s (single person possessive because this is the 21st century, you know; intact families are so 19th century) home and does a reverse mortgage on it, she’ll get an annuity for fifty years spinning off a hundred dollars a month in income. So, yeah, this is not addressed to young people who own their own home.
I mean, I suppose the message if you click through (not me, brah; I’m already getting enough senior-themed advertising as it is) might be your kids won’t inherit the house, but, come on, your kids don’t look like models. I mean, mine are strikingly handsome and do, but we’re talking about your kids, gentle reader, and they probably look like you (mine do not; they take after their beautiful mother).
So, yeah, this is all about the sugar babies. Or just another instance of ads putting an image of an attractive woman in them to catch your eye. Alright, my eye. I plead guilty. Because I look for pictures of ads with attractive women who really have little to do with the product/service being teased. Also, I like to look at pictures of pretty women.
But I know this t-shirt is not 266 years old.
That’s before the t-shirt was even invented.
Also, I know, I’m misquoting the film in the title. But you knew what I was alluding to anyway, you purist.
I got this in the mail today:
When my sainted mother called me both names, I’d best heed!
A mail merge that somehow picks up both the first name and the middle name field or a miskey where both were put into the first name field? Not as binding.
Although my mother was the one to initially sign me up for AAA when I got my first car lo, those twenty some years ago. Yes, I was a late driver.
When I moved to the St. Louis area in the middle 1980s, when I introduced myself to the other children, they would invariably say “Like the taco?”
So I won’t be ordering this shirt any time soon.
I mean, not only was I scarred for life when my last name was confused with that of the chain, but I was further traumatized in learning that the chain name was misspelled in the Motley Crüe book The Dirt as my last name. In a not exactly encouraging passage.
Every couple years I see something about someone trying to revive the brand, and I think, here we go again.
Perhaps I should instead think people will ask, “Noggles? Like the blogger?” instead.
Oh, and Facebook? Although I’ve bought a couple of t-shirts from ads on your site, I probably won’t buy any more since the one I ordered a month before my son’s birthday and took two months after I paid for it to ship (it’s actual arrival yet to be proven). So I’ll not, thanks.
And to be honest I’m not really sentimental or nostalgic for anything in St. Louis.
A couple of ads have hit my feeds lately with books in the background:
Get out of the way; I don’t care what you’re selling. I want to see the books.
Do you remember when visiting someone’s home for the first time, going to the bookshelves to see what kinds of books they owned? Yeah, that’s been a while. Partly because of the stay-at-home orders, partly because I don’t get invited to many peoples’ homes these days, and partly because not many people read any more.
Still, if you come to Nogglestead and try to do that, you won’t really glean many insights into my personality based on what’s on my bookshelves or beside the various sitting surfaces other than Man, this guy buys books profligately and pretty indiscriminately.
An ad that appears often on sites that know how to thwart (or pay off) my ad blocker:
I haven’t watched the video to see whether it is a yoga thing or not, but I am pretty sure that I’ll not look as eye-catching and clickable as the ladies in the ads if I do any kind of stretch you would find on the Internet.
Time will tell, though, as I got my beautiful wife who favors yoga pants gift certificates to the local yoga shop for her birthday, and someday when the air is clear again, we shall use them.
In the interim, though, I’ll be doing her bidding in the garden and getting the back pain that I’ll need to cure.
I guess we can ascertain whom the models on the new Kohl’s flyer are expected to resemble.
I don’t tend to shop at Kohl’s because I don’t want to look like faux royalty.
I shop at Walmart so that I’m only out ten bucks when I inevitably ruin my clothing.
Good on ya, gentle reader, if you have no idea what I’m talking about. It’s these people, who are of little consequence and really only represent limey hereditary Kardashiania.
I’m actually not sure if that’s true or not, as I did not click through on this ad:
I get it: it’s stock photography, and it doesn’t really offer anything but a sort-of pretty face to draw your attention.
But, still. I put some effort into the stock photos I select for various things (which are few and far between). But I am not a bot.
On Facebook, I frequently get advertisements for a local dentist in Spanish, but today I got my first ad with Russian in it:
The Russian says “Visit us at.”
I am not entirely sure how it would have gotten inserted into the ad copy. Perhaps it was the RUSSIAN BOTS ON FACEBOOK.
The New York Times has taken to advertising to me on Facebook.
One of the largest papers in the country is not exactly what I would call “independent” journalism. I’m not even sure who would be “dependent” journalists would depend upon in this formulation if not a full-time job with a prestigious newspaper.
Also, “Every Fact. Every story.” oversells what the paper actually delivers.
Seen on my Facebook feed:
Yeah, that’s some upbeat news right there. I’m not sure any of the words in that site’s name are true.
I mentioned two weeks ago about how a post about Civ IV appeared on my Facebook Memories feed.
Last night, I found an ad for it in a comic book that also has ads for Age of Empires III and other video games.
Were video games the last things along with movies and television shows to advertise in comics? I’ll have a definitive answer for the state of the industry in 2019 sometime in 2022, when the comic books of 2019 are marked a dollar somewhere.
The Bank of Missouri has a series of ads with bankers inserted into various situations to illustrate that they’re more than bankers. They’re part of your community or something. One depicts a banker holding a fire hose along with the firefighters. So I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be all metaphor or not.
But this one spoke to me:
The banker is not awarding the kid first base for a walk. The banker is reminding the kid to go to first base.
Friends, with the young ones, this is often the case.
As I mentioned, I coached a little league team for a season, and I was the loud coach. I cheered for all the boys, and I shouted instructions all the time.
One of the most common instructions was “Run, run, run!” which I shouted when the batter made contact with the ball. Otherwise, the youngsters were prone to gape in wonder at what they’d done and to get thrown out or tagged out easily.
Hey, I know the feeling. I had the same reaction the first time I made contact with the ball in a league softball game. Although I was nineteen at the time. And this occurred a couple of minutes before I took a fly ball to the face resulting in an ambulance ride and my getting thrown out of the league because I was an injury risk. But just so.
My second most-shouted instruction was “Get it! Get it! Get it!” when an opposing batter made contact with the ball. Because they would often stand agape at that turn of events as well.
I don’t know how many of those kids benefited from my volume, but if none of them did, I must attribute it to the fact that I did not wear a suit with a green tie that is visible from space. Clearly, I was not taking it seriously. Why should they?