Musings from Brian J. Noggle – Page 247 – To be able to say "Noggle," you first must be able to say "Nah."

Book Report: The Coming of Conan the Cimmerian by Robert E. Howard (2003)

January 23, 2014 Brian J. Noggle

Ah, now this book is a little more manly that decoupagistry.

This book is the first of a three-volume set that includes all of the Conan stories in the original order, which is to say not chronological order according to Conan’s point of view. Howard wrote just a bunch of stories from Conan’s life with a handy history guide he created after a couple of the stories.

For those of you who don’t know, the Conan stories are set in a prehistoric age called the Hyborean Age wedged between the fall of Atlantis and the rise of our recorded civilizations. They’re centered around a land mass similar to Europe, but different enough. Conan is a king fighting assassins, a pirate, a mercenary, and a bunch of different things as he swashbuckles through a series of adventures that are fresh enough in the beginning, but at the end of the volume start to become just a touch formulaic. As they would, being the inspiration for many knock-offs we’ve all seen in film since then and have read other stories (Brak the Destroyer, I’m looking at you–John Jakes endorses the Conan stories with a quote on the cover, and he’s identified as the author of North and South, but I remember him most as a writer of a couple of collected volumes of stories similar to this).

It’s definitely sword and sorcery, as the gods, demons, and summoning make up many parts of plot points. Some of the descriptions are even Lovecraftian–and it comes as no surprise, as Howard and Lovecraft corresponded and worked for the same editors and magazines. Conan stories are a bit like Lovecraft stories where humanity gets to hit back.

In addition to the stories, there are a couple of introductory and academic essays explaining the Importance of Howard and a bit of his writing chronology. They’re okay if you don’t take them too seriously and don’t mind skipping past it. I don’t know why I want my actual histories to be written by homers who appreciate and somewhat applaud or respect their subject, but I get a little irritated when editors and literature majors do that with fiction.

The book also includes the aforementioned history of the Hyborean age that Howard wrote to keep his notes and stories straight, some maps in his hand, and some fragments and drafts. It also includes his first draft of his first Conan story. When you compare them directly, you get a pretty good sense of how editting can improve writing. I’m a poor editor, as readers of my books can attest, but this example offers a stark example of the benefits.

So I enjoyed the book, but given its length and the fact that it is short stories means it took me longer than I would have liked to have read it. So although I own the other volumes, I don’t expect to dive right into them immediately. But I look forward to them.

Books mentioned in this review:

Buy My Books!

I’m Gonna Be Father Of The Year For Sure

January 23, 2014 Brian J. Noggle

So there’s some fad going around school. Who knows how second graders get these notions in their heads? But my son has been talking about Poconos cards. All his friends collect them and pass them around and trade them. So he said, “Daddy, can I get some Poconos cards?”

Well, my son, through the wonder of eBay, you can. To surprise him, I picked these beauties up:

He might just have the most enviable collection of Poconos cards in his class.

Buy My Books!

Notice of Intent

January 22, 2014 Brian J. Noggle

As you might know, gentle reader, my beautiful wife and I are pretentious enough that our cats have literary or mythological names.

Retired names include Galt, Ajax, and Dominique. Our current group of prowlers include Tristan, Aurora, Roark, Athena, and Isis.

But I hereby announce my intent that we name our next cats in the following literary fashion: H.P. Lovecraft stories.

Come on, there’s scarcely a title here that’s not suitable for naming a cat. The best:

The Thing on the Doorstep
The Haunter of the Dark
The Lurking Fear
What the Moon Brings
The Doom that Came to Sarnath

I’ll have to stop there, or I’ll republish the whole bibliography in a different order.

I’m so inspired that I want to go to the feline recycling center right now.

Buy My Books!

Cars Don’t Kill People; Hit-and-Run Drivers Kill People

January 21, 2014 Brian J. Noggle

According to this story in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, more objects are becoming murderous: Police seek pickup after man, 80, is killed in hit-and-run near Hillsboro

An 80-year-old man was struck and killed this morning near Hillsboro and authorities are searching for the pickup believed to have struck him before driving away.

So guns aren’t the only self-activating agents of human destruction any more.

On the one hand, it’s not passive voice, which is poor writing. On the other hand, ascribing actions to objects is worse than obscuring agency through passive voice.

Buy My Books!

Book Report: Modge Podge Rocks by Amy Anderson (2011)

January 20, 2014 Brian J. Noggle

This book is the first book I’ve read this year, and it’s the end of January. My weeks and nights have been fairly busy through this part of the year, friends, and I’m suddenly afraid that I will never again hit the hundred-books-a-year pace I sometimes feebly use to rationalize my hundred-books-a-weekend book buying sprees.

And I got this book from the library, no less, something to flip through during football games. I wasn’t even that good about flipping through books during games this year, and there are no more games, alas. Where was I? Oh, yes, Modge Podge Rocks.

It’s basically a book about decoupage, which is gluing and shellacking paper or similar material to other material. Modge Podge is a popular compound for doing this. You brush some on the surface to which you want to adhere the decorations, press on the decorations, and layer more Modge Podge over the top. There’s not a lot to it, and you can have some interesting effects on stuff.

This book started out as a blog where the author did some decoupage and posted it, and later other people submitted things. And the author got a book deal. Strangely, one of the guest designers is Cathie Fillian, whose television program Creative Juice served as the inspiration for my forays into crafting.

So I’ve done some decoupaging before based on the inspiration from Creative Juice, I’ve gotten away from it and the whole crafting thing because my ideas have outpaced my skill level with these things, which leads to reluctance to start something new.

But I’ll try it again. After all, I have most of a jar of Modge Podge left, and I’d hate for it to go to waste. And by “to waste,” I mean “for twenty five cents at my estate sale.”

So this book has reminded me about this particular crafting style and could serve as a good introduction to those who aren’t familiar with the craft.

Books mentioned in this review:

Buy My Books!

GM Says, “Please Be In Your Truck When Our Software Defect Makes It Burn”

January 13, 2014 Brian J. Noggle

We’re thinking about getting a new automobile, and to be honest, I’m a little leery of it since it’s gone from mechanical systems that can fail due to the laws of physics to software problems caused by an intern forgetting a semicolon. This GM problem doesn’t make me feel better about the prospect:

General Motors is recalling 370,000 Chevrolet Silverado and GMC Sierra pickups from the 2014 model year to fix software that could cause the exhaust components to overheat and start a fire.

. . . .

GM said eight fires have been reported, but no injuries.

Hoping to get a better score next time, GM advises:

The company is asking customers not to leave their trucks idling unattended.

You know, the best place to be when your automaker’s software is going the full Edgar on you is inside the vehicle, where software-controlled door locks and electronic windows won’t hamper your escape at all.

Buy My Books!

The Loss of Allusion in Heavy Metal

January 13, 2014 Brian J. Noggle

Kids these days, wot?

Back in my day, heavy metal music was much smarter. Its songs covered Romantic poetry:

Alluded to middle English plays:

Sure, it’s just Romeo and Juliet, but Ratt knew who they were.

Or at the very least retold the stories found in the works of respected elder horror writers.

You know, as though the songwriters had read a book or something.

I’ve sampled some recent hard rock and heavy metal, and I don’t see a similar literary bent to it. What am I missing?

Or has it in fact dumbed down with the rest of our culture now that the classics aren’t even nodded at in contemporary education?

Buy My Books!

Clyde Says, “Good Morning!”

January 9, 2014August 28, 2016 Brian J. Noggle

There’s a little black cat with white paws that lives down in the little wooded gully at the front of our property. He comes around the house sometimes, but shies away from us if he sees us.

I’m glad to see he’s made it through the recent polar vortex.

Clyde says hi

I just wish he wouldn’t do that. It annoys our cats and prompts them to mark their side of the door from time to time.

Buy My Books!

The Rest of A Story

January 8, 2014 Brian J. Noggle

Back in 2010, I did a little throwaway bit about a courier company that helped an elderly woman avoid being taken in by a scam. The story itself was on StLToday.com, and it mostly focused on the Arizona company trying to bilk the old woman out of $15,000.

Me, I just wondered how the courier knew what he was delivering.

And so I made that little post, playing in my head to the paranoia schtick I toss around on here from time to time (I don’t actually eat my shredded documents, you know) and a bit of the-newspaper-is-leaving-some-of-the-story-out bit.

The owner of the courier company contacted me to explain the rest of the story, and I’ve appended it to the original post. The part of the story the St. Louis Post-Dispatch blogger didn’t cover is as interesting as what he did.

Check it out.

Buy My Books!

Sounds Like Home

January 5, 2014August 28, 2016 Brian J. Noggle

Who else could read the first sentence of a story entitled I Embedded with a Community of Meth Users and think of home?

Well, the first sentence is:

The trailer parks of Jefferson County, Missouri, are a far cry from the international cartels of Breaking Bad, but this is the real picture of meth in America….

I lived in just such a place.

View Larger Map

Although the mobile home I lived in at this location was not quite so nice. As a matter of fact, it was the most ramshackle one in Siesta Mobil Home Park and it undoubtedly melted in the rain sometime between then and now.

The empty pad to the northwest, there, is where the Hittler trailer was. I still have the table they left behind when they moved their trailer.

The tree on the little hill in the back there? My brother tore his finger up falling out of it one day right before we moved, and my mother made him wait with a compress before taking him to the ER because she was showing the trailer to someone interested in buying it. He followed her (and my father’s) footsteps into the Marine Corps, so perhaps she was toughening him up for it.

At any rate, I left the trailer park for the house in the valley down the dirt road in 1987 or 1988, and I left that house for good before the meth problem really took off. Kinda like I left the projects before the crack epidemic hit. Why, it’s almost like people don’t take my leaving very well.

(Link via Instapundit. Colorful youth courtesy my parents.)

Buy My Books!

Lileks Visits Springfield (Virtually)

January 3, 2014 Brian J. Noggle

In today’s Bleat, James Lileks puts up a picture of the Country Club Center on Glenstone here in Springfield, but says:

I forgot to copy the town, and have only the screen grab, and the newsletter is at the office, but otherwise I have all the information you need to enjoy . . .

Here’s the sign he favors:

View Larger Map

You might remember I put up a picture of the Country Club Center in 2010.

Buy My Books!

The Christmas Straggler 2013

January 3, 2014 Brian J. Noggle

After the somewhat saddening striking of the Christmas decorations, we have the annual hunt for the Christmas straggler, the decoration missed when decamping them.

This year, it only took me a day and a half to find it:

I know! You’re saying, Brian J., do you decorate your empty gumball machine every year? Truth of the matter is that I do not.

That particular decoration started on the tree until the new young black cat harvested it. After that, I hung it on a nail over the stairs that had remained without adornment in the four years we’ve been in Nogglestead. I received a Green Bay Packers wall hanging for Christmas, so I swapped it for the wreath on Christmas day and put the wreath on the desk downstairs so I’d remember to pack it up when we packed the decorations, and then….

A child hung the ornament on the gumball machine. As I did not decorate the gumball machine, I did not think to look on the gumball machine for decorations. But it could not remain subtly hidden for eleven months. Oh, no, this misplaced wreath had to announce its presence the day after the Christmas decorations were safely ensconced deeply in the short closet beneath the stairs, safely defended by the in-home vacuum hose hydra and bicycle trainer. To taunt me with how much work I’d have to undo and redo in putting it into the bin with the other ornamentation.

Needless to say, I have not yet undertaken that step. Instead, I’ve blogged about it. And by the time I get around to actually putting it away, eleven months might elapse.

Buy My Books!

Compare and Contrast

January 3, 2014January 3, 2014 Brian J. Noggle

The city of St. Louis is looking to unload its veterans’ memorial:

City officials and civic leaders have begun talking with private donors and area museum leaders about taking over the maintenance, financing — and perhaps operations — of the city-owned Soldiers Memorial Military Museum downtown, including its archives of war letters, weapons, uniforms, medals and other artifacts.

The museum’s collection has been neglected for years, leading some city officials to call it embarrassing. The building needs more than $6 million in upgrades and repairs, according to city files. And the city has tried multiple times, always unsuccessfully, to find it another caretaker.

The annual budget is apparently $150,000 including two staffers.

Compare and contrast this, gentle reader, in your mind with the money that the city regularly throws away in tax incentives to land developers, to sports teams for new ballparks, and even to film makers who might spend a day or two in town with rolling cameras not to mention the one-offs for feasibility studies for current fads and harebrained schemes.

Which are cool things. Remembering history and the sacrifices that unimaginable others made and would make for the American way of life? That’s hard, man.

Buy My Books!

Book Report: Nightmare in New York by Don Pendleton (1971)

January 1, 2014December 31, 2013 Brian J. Noggle

This book is The Executioner in New York, blowing things up and shooting Mafia.

The title says New York, but it could be anywhere, of course. The sense of place is pretty much limited to the title. You get more sense of place and time from Nightmare in Manhattan, for crying out loud. And it’s a series of set pieces much like the rest of the books.

Sorry, I read it hard on the heels of Hard Magic, so it suffers by comparison. A lot.

So now I look at the shelves full of Bolan titles with a little trepidation.

Books mentioned in this review:

Buy My Books!

Book Report: Hard Magic by Larry Correia (2011)

December 31, 2013December 31, 2013 Brian J. Noggle

I got this book as a Christmas gift for my nephew this year along with the mass market paperback of its sequel Spellbound. Only after I received them did I check my Amazon history and discover that I gave my nephew Hard Magic last year, which means this was an inadvertent display of the One for you, one for me gift protocol.

I’ve read Larry Correia’s blog for some time, and although his books sounded interesting, it took an accident like this (or the eventual appearance of them at book fairs) for me to get a hold of one and to read it. And I liked it.

The book is a fantasy alt-history where Magic was discovered in the late 18th or early 19th century. Individuals tend to have an aspect of magic, such as gravity control, personal density control, telekinesis, and so on. Most have only one power, and some are stronger than others.

In this world, a secret society of magicians are working to keep a super weapon out of the hands of the Imperium, the Japanese expansionist government. The action takes place in the 1930s of this other history, and the main character is an ex-con war hero. As part of his release from prison, he’s supposed to help the FBI apprehend wanted magic-users, and his last assignment is to help apprehend a woman he’d known before going inside. That snatch turns bad, but it puts him in touch with the secret society, and he becomes embroiled in their intrigues.

The pacing and tone reflects that of higher pulp, but its length and the number of jump scenes and sub or hidden plots reflect a modern thriller sensibility. It moves along better than some of the ponderous longer works, though, so I finished it in shorter time than some shorter works.

And with greater pleasure.

I read a lot of low pulp, men’s adventure novels, and this book contrasts starkly to them. Where they’re set pieces with set explosions and gunplay amongst stock scenes and characters, there’s real imagination in this book and so much novelty that I’ll remember its plot and schtick better than individual Mack Bolan books, say, where Mack goes somewhere and infiltrates/blows up some Mafia hardmen and the city name in the title is the only differentiating factor.

So I won’t turn down gifts of other Correia books, and if I find them in a book fair, I’ll pounce on them. Or maybe next year, I’ll “accidentally” pick more duplicates for my nephew.

And whereas I used to want to write pulp fiction akin to Robert B. Parker, Mickey Spillane, the MacDonalds, and whatnot, I think I’ll aspire to better things and more memorable books.

Also, if you dreamed of being a writer when you were a kid, check out Correia’s blog or Marko Kloos’s blog to get a glimpse of the life of successful writing you imagined. There’s work involved, and success.

Books mentioned in this review:

Buy My Books!

Kelly Chase Taught My Children To Talk Like That

December 29, 2013 Brian J. Noggle

In the other room, the boys were playing Lego Batman on the Wii, and the seven-year-old said to the five-year-old, “Stop freelancing!”

Was he offering his younger brother career advice, advising him to take a secure position instead of working as a contractor? No, he was repeating something Kelly Chase used to say (and still might).

When listening to Kelly Chase do color on St. Louis Blues hockey broadcasts, he’d say a defenseman who moved out of position to try to join the play was “freelancing.” Usually he said this when the opposing team took the opportunity to use that newly free space to attack the St. Louis Blues goal.

And sometime in their (continuing) youths, my children’s father took to tell them, usually when they were wandering a bit far from him in a parking lot, to stop freelancing and get back into position. I also tell them they have to have their heads on a swivel, another Chasism, when they’re in a parking lot.

So what the older youngster meant is that his brother, acting as the second player in the game, should follow his on-screen Batman instead of wandering to other parts of the screen.

Which is probably better than other colorful metaphors children could learn from old hockey players.

(Yeah, the blog is going all Linkletter of late. But the kids have been home on break, and they’re saying better things than our self-appointed betters in the capitals are. Also, trivia to connect Art Linkletter to the St. Louis Blues more tidily than I deserve: Art Linkletter was born in Saskatchewan.)

Buy My Books!

It Passes The Time

December 27, 2013 Brian J. Noggle

The five-year-old got a checkers/chess game board for Christmas, and the older boy wanted to learn chess and got far enough to learn how to set up a chessboard.

So they’re in the parlor playing, and somehow they’re on the same side.

I believe this is the Molotov–Ribbentrop opening.

This is different from other game variants this morning, which have included Lego catapults firing checkers and Catzilla flattening the board.

I think they’re just about old enough to teach the dreaded Noggle Blitz.

Buy My Books!

Book Report: The Little Book of Whittling by Chris Lubkemann (2005, 2013)

December 27, 2013 Brian J. Noggle

I live in the Ozark mountains now, and I do own a pair of overalls. So why shouldn’t I start whittling as well? That’s what I thought when I saw this book at the library a while back. So I picked it up.

It’s about whittling, which differs from woodcarving proper. That is, the projects and techniques within this book deal with using a pocket knife mostly to cut shapes out of thick branches. It’s not about chiseling statues out of a block of wood. So the projects are short and, unfortunately, small. That’s where the real trade-off in artistry lies. Of course, this course could be a means to get you interested in it and leading to experiments with chisels and whatnot later.

As most of the things are trimmed from branches the less than an inch in width, you get a lot of long and thin things to carve. Backscrathers, forks, spoons, knives, and canoes. Also, some small figures and heads for walking sticks (or walking sticks themselves).

So I’ll be in the market for a pocket knife with appropriate blades for whittling and a good whetstone to sharpen them. I might give it a try, but I’ve been socialized in a world where just sitting and cutting a branch to pass the time isn’t a good way to waste time (writing blog posts for sometimes tens of readers a day: good way to pass the time). I’ll have to get a mindset adjustment if I’m to try it seriously. Which means I probably won’t.

But it’s an interesting book to browse never the less. Also, in addition to the projects and whittling, the book contains sidebars with camping tips, recipes, and other bits that fill out the rest of time outdoors hiking and camping in between your whittling.

Books mentioned in this review:

Buy My Books!

Why Daddy Says It That Way

December 25, 2013 Brian J. Noggle

So one of the boys brought this book home from the library:

The Shark vs. Train

Daddy pronounces it Shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaark versus Train.

Because of the 1970s. Which explains a lot of Daddy, actually.

Continue reading “Why Daddy Says It That Way” →

Buy My Books!

A Tweet Like That Gets Your House Searched

December 24, 2013December 24, 2013 Brian J. Noggle

I was all going to post a tweet that said:

I just read one of my favorite author’s books. I am so glad I burglarized his house.

But I thought the better of it.

In the 21st century, that sort of joke might get your house searched.

Instead, I’ll post it here with the context of the joke so to lower the chances it will trigger law enforcement automatic social media scrapers to 40%.

Buy My Books!