Some Swedish Total Recall-Style Plot in Jeopardy

Man found in California motel awakens with amnesia:

Doctors are looking into the mystery of a Florida man who awoke speaking only Swedish, with no memory of his past, after he was found unconscious four months ago at a Southern California motel.

Michael Boatwright, 61, woke up with amnesia, calling himself Johan Ek, The Desert Sun reported (http://mydesert.co/145PNGw ).

Boatwright was found unconscious in a Motel 6 room in Palm Springs in February. After police arrived, he was transported to the Desert Regional Medical Center where he woke up.

Hospital officials said Boatwright may have been in town for a tennis tournament in the Coachella Valley. He was found with a duffel bag of exercise clothes, a backpack and tennis rackets. He also carried four forms of identification — a passport, a California identification card, a veteran’s medical card and a Social Security card — all of which identified him as Michael Thomas Boatwright.

A botched memory implant, a double life, extensive skills with weaponry (albeit medieval weaponry), foreign bank accounts….

It looks as though a Swedish plot to infiltrate the United States has gone awry. Or is that what they want us to think?

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A Wounded Animal Lashes Out

Asiana to sue San Francisco TV station over names:

Asiana announced Monday that it will sue a San Francisco TV station that it said damaged the airline’s reputation by using bogus and racially offensive names for four pilots on a plane that crashed earlier this month in San Francisco.

You know, I think it was something else in this incident that might have harmed Asiana’s reputation far more than a juvenile prank.

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In 2010, Brian Little Said The Chickens Were Falling

As I predicted:

Throughout Missouri and probably the nation, people are deciding that they want to raise chickens in their suburban and urban backyards (see stories in St. Louis and Springfield). These people are doing it as part of an environmental nutbar fad and they’re doing it with a bit of Internet research and without any experience in farming or treating livestock qua livestock instead of livestock qua food-providing-pet.

Ergo, when their circumstances change, when they get tired of them, or when they reach the end of the hens’ productive years, people are going to need to get rid of these damn birds. Are they going to slaughter them? Of course not! They’d just as soon slay their bichon frise or lifestyle accessory only child.

In 2013, the New York Post reports "Hipster urban farmers learn that chickens are hard to raise, animal shelters inundated with unwanted hens":

Raising chickens in backyard coops is all the rage with nostalgia-loving hipsters but apparently the facial hair obsessed faux farmers often don’t realize that raising hens is loud, labor intensive work because animal shelters are now inundated with hundreds of unwanted urban fowl.

From California to New York, animal shelters are having a hard time coping with the hundreds of chickens being dropped off, sometimes dozens at a time, by bleary-eyed pet owners who might not have realized that chickens lay eggs for only two years but live for a decade or more.

Amazing how the forward-leaning and forward looking don’t see very far forward, ainna?

(Link via Ed Driscoll.)

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The Hippies Say, “I Smell Bacon!”

Some stories just need remark because they lead themselves to the obvious joke:

The Haight-Ashbury district was all about peace and love until bacon entered the picture.

The trouble began in May, when this city’s health department shut down a popular restaurant called Bacon Bacon after neighbors’ complaints caused a permit delay. The neighbors’ concern: the scent of bacon grease was blowin’ in the wind.

I already made the obvious joke in the headline. I have nothing more than the obvious.

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A Quiz! Books You Should Have Read In High School

Buzzfeed as a collection of book covers with the title "23 Books You Didn’t Read In High School But Actually Should". I’m not really sure why they thought it was a high school requirement, especially given the state of current public high schools in the United States, but.

At any rate, here’s the list, and I’ve emboldened the ones I’ve read (although most in college or after):

  • The Great Gatsby
  • To Kill a Mockingbird
  • Night
  • Lord of the Flies
  • Heart of Darkness
  • The Catcher in the Rye
  • Of Mice and Men
  • Nineteen Eighty-Four
  • Slaughterhouse Five
  • Frankenstein
  • Uncle Tom’s Cabin
  • Animal Farm
  • Waiting for Godot
  • Mrs. Dalloway
  • Brave New World
  • As I Lay Dying
  • Catch-22
  • One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
  • The Bell Jar
  • Death of a Salesman
  • Beowulf
  • Metamorphosis
  • Their Eyes Were Watching God

Not bad.

Of course, the books selected reflect the preferences and probably the books I’ve read sensibility of the person who compiles the list.

So, ultimately, it measures how many books I’ve read that that fellow has read and thinks are important.

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I Guess All The Good Sports Were Already Invented

A couple of things from the Wall Street Journal lead me to think that all the actually physically taxing, limit-pushing sports are already taken by people who tax themselves and push their limits, which leads less-than-peak physical specimens to make up their own little games and call them sports.

In Competitive Stone-Skipping Circles, A Rocky Debate Over Equipment:

Among competitive stone-skippers, nothing makes ripples like a disagreement about regulation rocks.

The latest dispute in this sport for people who skim small stones across water is over imports used in competition.

At the Mackinac Island Stone Skipping & Gerplunking Club championships, some believe participants are supposed to source their equipment from the pebble-lined beaches of this Lake Huron island.

Competitive stone-skipping. Controversies over equipment. I’d say something about modern man, but this particular competition has gone on longer than I’ve been on this planet.

Meanwhile, for those who might find stones too heavy or the outdoors too bright, there’s whirlyball:

But when the bespectacled 27-year-old event coordinator came across whirlyball, he knew he had found his chance to shine. The sport, involving flinging a plastic Wiffle ball at an elevated target with a jai-alai-like scoop, doesn’t pivot on athletic prowess. Nor do age, gender or girth matter. Rather than sprint from one end of a basketball-size court to another and back, players move and shoot in bumper cars.

“This is a sport where you don’t need to be big or a particularly great athlete,” says Mr. Betenia. “All you need is to be able to drive and drain shots.”

The popularity of whirlyball—think lacrosse on bumper cars—is accelerating, driven by couch potatoes who want to excel on the court and weekend warriors. Many wouldn’t survive a fitness boot camp or can’t find their way to the gym. But you don’t need to be ripped to stand out in this game played sitting down. “Agility. Speed. Strength. None of these qualities will be of any use in the highly-competitive world of WhirlyBall,” advertises the Chicago whirlyball center.

You know the saddest part? By the time I hit the Senior Olympics, these will be the events. All this time I’ve dreamed of athletic glory now that my physical development has started to match my peers and I’ve figured out how to roll my wrists when hitting a baseball and throw a spiral, and it’s all for naught. Because in the future, all sports will be silly sports.

Maybe I should start playing whirlyball, but in pads. So I can get ahead of the curve for when they’re required. I will get that gold medal, I know I will.

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A Future Travel Destination Unearthed

From a news story entitled "Visitor discovers nearly three carat diamond at Arkansas state park, I learned about the existence of Arkansas’s Crater of Diamonds State Park:

Arkansas The Natural State is blessed with an abundance of geological wonders. Crater of Diamonds State Park, the only diamond-producing site in the world open to the public, stands out as a unique geological “gem” for you to explore and enjoy.

Here you can experience a one-of-a-kind adventure hunting for real diamonds. You’ll search over a 37 1/2-acre plowed field, the eroded surface of an ancient volcanic crater that 100 million years ago brought to the surface the diamonds and some of the semi-precious stones lucky visitors find here today.

How cool.

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Senator Claire McCaskill Thinks The Government Should Record You More

McCaskill questions why Springfield traffic footage is not recorded:

As Jason Haynes, a city of Springfield traffic engineer, led McCaskill on a tour of the center’s control room, which features a number of cameras and computers displaying live video from the traffic cameras along with other information, the senator asked if the video was recorded. The answer was no.

McCaskill responded that recording would be helpful for law enforcement, if for no other purpose. She mentioned the Boston Marathon bombing this spring, where images helped identify the Tsarnaev brothers on the street at the time of the bombing.

Indeed, whyever would a government entity not capture images and data on its free citizens when it can? That just makes sense to a Federal-level Democrat.

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Book Report: The Ophiuchi Hotline by John Varley (1977)

Book coverI picked up this book at the Friends of the Springfield-Greene County Library book sale a year ago, and I regret not macroing out the spelling of Friends of the Springfield-Greene County Library book sale because, gentle reader, I do not touch-type, and typing the name of that particular affair takes a lot out of me. Pardon me while I go nap to recuperate.

Ah, that’s better. Now, about this volume.

As you might recall, I read John Varley’s Millennium three years ago and liked it better than the Kris Kristofferson film.

This book is Varley’s first, and like much speculative fiction of the era (and maybe this era, too, but I get the sense a lot of stuff these days is either urban fantasy influenced or space marines stuff, mostly because I’ve read some of the latter and read blogs from Marko Kloos and Larry Correia–I dunno what contemporary science fiction is like outside of that). This book deals with a genetic scientist who is put into prison and sentenced to death for working on the human genome and cloning. It’s told in the milleiu of invaders who have driven humans from earth to outposts in the solar system because they, the invaders, favor intelligences like that of dolphins an whales. Similar creatures exist on Jupiter, and the invaders ignore humans who do not bother the invaders and the like intelligences. A technologically advanced transmission has erupted from somewhere near Ophiuchi (O-fee-you-key) 70 and helps humanity advance, including genetic technology (which has gone ignored by humanity but a few outlaw scientists).

Anywho, a politcal heavyweight on the moon rescues the scientist by presenting an illegal clone to take her place for the execution. He copies her memories and then trains her to work for him, killing her when she tries to escape and replacing her with a clone. After some number of tries, she goes to a moon of Jupiter and encounters a teacher clone and they plot an escape. And another clone goes to Pluto to try to find a way to Ophiuchi after the transmitters demand payment of hundreds of years of scientific knowledge. And allies of the scientist revive a clone she herself left in place.

For a while, it gets a little confusing remembering which clone team is doing what and why, especially as I had to put the book down sometimes for a couple of nights.

And then the book comes to a resolution, very abruptly, in an unsatisfying fashion.

It’s kind of how Lost ended. Remember that television show? Remember all the plot lines and questions, and how they ended it by setting up a final set of questions they could almost answer, and they did so in an unsatisfying fashion? This book has a lot of compelling things going on, some early questions about the nature of self and whether clones are you, machinations of a politician playing games several steps ahead of the characters, and this all gets abandoned for an abrupt ending that does not answer many of the questions.

It’s an interesting read for the speculative nature, but ultimately left me a little disappointed. But if I find another John Varley out there, I’ll pick it up and hope for better.

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It’s Only A Couple Times A Week

Signs that Springfield is getting too big: Stories in the newspaper entitled Don’t see this every day: horse on footbridge in Springfield

The traffic on Campbell Avenue continued on normally, for the most part, Sunday afternoon.

But just south of Primrose Lane, drivers occasionally paused or pulled over to snap a photo or shield the eyes to get a better look at an unusual site [sic].

Above the traffic, on a footbridge that spans Campbell, a man on a horse was slowly making his way over the road.

You see this in Republic from time to time, and I was sure I’d linked to a similar article about someone whose truck broke down in Springfield a couple of years back who proceeded to get his horse out of the trailer that he was pulling and ride the horse home. But I can’t find it now.

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How You Can Decide Whether Your School District Needs A Tax Increase Of Any Sort

Wi-Fi on the school buses?

Vote no every time the district comes to the voters, hat in hand, because it doesn’t have enough money for teachers or whatever vital educational need they’ll have for the next twenty years.

Because, brother, wi-fi on the school buses ain’t a vital educational need, and maintaining that technological expenditure is going to be on every annual budget from here on out, but it will be buried or hidden in the technology budget.

And next year, or maybe next ballot, funds for vital things will be dangerously low due to the recession/growing enrollment/lower property values (pick two, three, or four).

But funds will not be dangerously low because the school district buys shiny new cool things instead of focusing on educating children and marshaling its resources toward that goal now and in the future.

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Reproof

We’re fostering three cats all of a sudden, and it’s been a while (seven or eight years, probably) since we’ve had young, jumping cats.

Which means we have to (as we’ve been reminded) jumping-cat-proof our house.

Which is just the opposite of child-proofing your house. Wherein you take dangerous and breakable things from low places and put them in high places.

Instead, we have to take the knick-knacks and bric-a-brac that we’ve come to display atop our bookshelves (which are the main type of furniture we own) and shove them back to the wall so that a cat won’t try to pass behind them. Also, I might have to move my row of paperbacks from the top of the to-read shelves in my office that seem to be falling like snowflakes every night.

On the plus side, gentle reader, you might be in line for another decade’s worth of cat pictures if our past fostering habits prove prologue.

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The Internet Has Let Me Down Again

What, no mash-up combining a Trix children’s cereal commercial:

With the Paul Revere and the Raiders hit “Kicks”:

Jeez, people, do I have to think of everything?

Also, catalog this as another instance of That Thing That Daddy Sings:

(Silly rabbit)
Trix just keep gettin’ harder to get,
And all your tricks ain’t bringin’ you bowls of it.
Before you find out it’s too late, boy,
You better get straight.

I sincerely hope you got that stuck in your head, gentle reader, because my children will need more people to fill out a support group.

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A Small Worldview, Exposed

Dustbury linked to another one of those technology articles written in the hip, modern style that indicates an arch with-it fellow shaking his head at the backwardness of others.

The piece is entitled 12 obsolete technologies Americans still use. Mostly, it’s about the author of the piece ticking off items that he does not use any more. Hence, they are obsolete to him. They include:

  • Dial-up Internet
    In the rural areas of the country, which is most of the country but very little of the country where technology writers live, you have two choices, and it’s not fiber or copper or DSL or cable. You get to choose between dial-up, which is slow but inexpensive, and satellite, which is more expensive, slightly faster, and sometimes spotty. So, yes, many people still use it. Because it makes sense, and it probably suits their needs.
    Yes, I know, cellular offers a more technically challenging and sometime viable solution, but it’s not available in all areas either. Have you ever seen the little marker on your smart phone that says data is unavailable in an area? I have.
     
  • Dot matrix printers
    The author himself mentions multi-part forms, and that’s a no-brainer for me. The author must not have worked in an environment where this makes sense.
     
  • Landline phones
    It might make some fiscal sense for me to give up our residential landline phone, but the telephone works when the power goes out, brothers and sisters. In the event of a disaster, it might be your link to the world when your Internet and your cell phone chargers are unavailable. I’ll cling to it until such time as the phone company takes it away from me.
     
  • VHS and cassette tapes
    The author talks about the cloud and downloading music, but I’ve had enough hard drive failures and have seen enough services shuttered that I wouldn’t trust the Internet with my data anyhow. Besides, you can rip them to bits if you must, and you’ll find them very cheap at garage sales. So instead of ‘renting’ a movie for $2.99 or downloading a whole song for a buck, you can find whole albums for a quarter and movies you can watch over and over for a buck.
     
  • CRT TVs
    Confession: I just removed our last television with a picture tube. Not because it was not working, but because we dropped a dish box and now it was more important to hook in a DVD player and VCR (to play obsolete VHS tapes!). Also, I had an extra television I’d used as a computer monitor for a while. Otherwise, I would still have it. You know why? It still worked.

    If you hit any number of yard sales or thrift stores, you’ll find any number of old console televisions from the 1960s, complete with picture tubes, flickering some broadcast television. And you know what? They still work. Compare that to the longevity of other types of televisions. No contest, hey?
     

Oh, I could go on, but it frankly boils down to this: The ‘obsolete’ things still work. Vinyl records, cassettes, televisions, fax machines, the whole lot of them still fulfill a function and still work, so yes, people will still use them.

It’s easy to have the disposable attitude, I reckon, if you’re young and have not accumulated a number of things that work (which might never happen to today’s young, I reckon. Wait, instead of repeating ‘I reckon,’ I mean ‘by crackey.’). Or if you’re someone who trades in a phone every two years or a car every three. It’s a new mindset, one that most people outside the tech industry don’t share.

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Book Report: The Complete Fiction by H.P. Lovecraft (2011)

Book coverI can’t believe I read the whole thing.

This tome is one of the 1000+ page books I’ve been going on about reading for the last year or so. It actually took me over a year–something like a year and three months–to read this book. Short stories will do that–offer you the ability to stop after only five or ten pages in a night, where a longer work with longer chapters will at the very worst compel you to read maybe a dozen, and then maybe another chapter.

Then there is “The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath”. I’m not a fan of the Dreamlands portion of Lovecraft; I know he sometimes liked to dabble in the very fantastic, but part of the grounding in his stories is that the bizarre and dangerous happens to people in the real world. When we get into the Dreamlands stuff, where Randolph Carter goes through a series of adventures in his dreams, where the weird does not have the grounding in every day life or reality, I sort of lose caring. So when it came time to read “The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath”–which I had never read before–I had to slog. For weeks or months.

At any rate, if you’re a fan of Lovecraft, this book will please you (your Dreamlands mileage may vary). It includes all the fiction, including the longer pieces such as “At the Mountains of Madness” and whatnot. In college, I read a number of shorter paperbacks of Lovecraft’s work, each based on one of the cornerstone stories (“The Lurker on the Threshold and Other Stories”, “The Colour Out Of Space and Other Stories”, and so on). So many of the pieces were familiar to me, but many of the shorter, lesser stores either I had not remembered or had not read.

So all in all, it’s a great collection if you’re in the mood for Lovecraft. And sometimes I really, really was, and sometimes I was not. His archaic style sets a certain gaslight feel to the stories that you cannot get elsewhere, and the language will teach you many neat words. In my twenties, I learned the words “foetor” and “eldritch” from Lovecraft, and I started keeping a list of words I wanted to drop into conversation. However, I misplaced that notebook eight months ago, so I don’t know what words I wanted to learn, and I didn’t learn them very well before that. Ah, well.

In addition to his fiction, the book includes some short stories he wrote as a kid and draft portions of “The Shadow over Innsmouth” and Lovecraft’s nonfiction essay “The Supernatural in Literature” which explores the history of what he calls the “weird” in literature up until his present day (the 1930s). He name-checks a lot of authors throughout history and identifies works he likes. It’s a fifty page treatise, and it at turns made me want to read some historical Gothic fiction and bored me. He lavishes praise on Algernon Blackwood, though, and the complete tales of Blackwood is one of the few books I’ve actually put down with the intention of not picking back up, so I will probably avoid the authors he mentions except Lord Dunsay and maybe Machen. Or not.

This is less of a book report than marking my achievement. Sorry.

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Why Leave Childhood?

Tree-climbing gains popularity as a full-body, outdoor workout:

Tree-climbing is emerging as a recreational sport, similar to rock climbing.

Local instructor Guy Mott says tree-climbing builds muscles and can lead to improved fitness and weight loss.

“If you engage in a tree climb, it is a full-body workout. It is much more interactive and therapeutic to be outside as opposed to a gym,” said Mott. “It helps people to gain an appreciation for nature.”

Not only is it reliving, albeit in a limited fashion, one of the joys of childhood, but it’s experiencing it in a way that we did not as children but that we’ve forced onto them. Namely, it’s highly ritualized, highly supervised, taught in the right fashion, and with a bunch of safety equipment. It’s regression for the scaredy-cat set.

Juxtaposed, another headline in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch today: Worker for tree removal company dies on the job.

Really.

Well, the more people in trees, the fewer people hogging the pec fly machine at the gym, so to each his own when it’s not the pec fly machine at the gym, I guess.

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Things I Never Knew I Had: A Schultüte

Well, I obviously don’t have a schultüte now. Well, I guess it’s not obvious to those of you on the Internet who are not actively rifling through my boxes of personal mementos.

What is a schultüte? Let’s have a real-life former German explain it:

Since about the beginning of the 19th century, German school kids get a Schultüte on the first day of first grade. It’s a big cone made out of heavy paper, decorations on the outside and tied shut at the top with a bow.

. . . .

The Schultüte is filled with candy and small items useful for school (like colored pencils or erasers). They’re usually purchased commercially, but some families make them from scratch. The Schultüte is an extremely common thing in Germany, but I don’t think any other culture has the same custom.

Well, mine wasn’t a real schultüte, because I wasn’t in Germany and I wasn’t going into first grade.

But when I started (half-day) kindergarten at Douglas Road Elementary School way back in the day, Mrs. Noisworth had prepared a smaller rendition of that thing for us. I remember the paper cone filled with candy, trinkets, and a penny wrapped in aluminum foil.

I hadn’t remembered that for a long time until Marko triggered the memory. Good to know it’s still in there.

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