Gallows Humor In Our Time

I might have turned off the Nuclear event setting on my First Alert Emergency Weather Radio prematurely.

How many people will Democrat policies have saved should a nuclear event occur, a strike on a city that has been turned into a dystopian, crime-ridden pit from whom many residents have already fled? Are they playing four-dimensional chess?

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Brian J.’s Recycler Tour Continues

On February 18, 2016, I quipped:

When the little old lady threw her shoulder into me, knocked me off my chair, and took my ten of hearts, I realized it wasn’t a misprint: we were really playing contact bridge.

Also, on February 18, 2020, when I was taking a triathlon class at the YMCA, I said:

I kick through wood better than I kick through water.

Given how few martial arts classes I’ve had in the last year, this might no longer be true.

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Brian J.’s Recycler Tour Plays The Bars

From this date in 2015:

The government won’t admit it, but pinball score inflation is a real problem that working class families experience every time they play pinball.

A bumper that would have scored you 100 points in 1972 now scores you 10,000,000 points.

When will we stand up to Big Pinball and the cartel’s point gouging?

Man, I have a long Internet trail.

Also, sometime this year I am likely to repost a Recycler Tour post that I have already posted. A full trip around the sun will occur since I started these posts in last April.

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The Football Game Monday Night

So my oldest boy came home from school and said, “Roll, Tide!” over and over. Apparently, one of his friends is an Alabama fan, so he caught onto the chant and kept repeating it. Loudly.

At the dinner table, the youngest expressed his confusion. His brother helpfully said, “Roll, Tide!” louder and with a misshapen Southern accent.

“They call Alabama the Crimson Tide,” I explained to the youngster, who might have had a brief glimmer of understanding lost when I followed with the apparent non sequitur, “Call me Deacon Blues.”

That might not have made sense to anyone at the dinner table, but it made all the sense in the world to me.

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Footnotable Humor

I guess it’s a meme, which is the modern equivalent of the cartoon but requires no actually drawing skill, but Instapundit posted this on Facebook, and I was amused.

I mean, I’ve told that story once or twice, but probably not to pretty girls. Well, except my beautiful wife, but I learned it after we were married, and she was stuck.

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Brian J.’s Recycler Tour Visits South America

As I said in 2010:

Brian J. Noggle asks, “What’s the difference between an Argentinian cowboy with a copy of Das Kapital in his saddlebag and the host of ‘You Bet Your Life’?”

One is a gaucho Marxist.

That is so simultaneously esoteric and not actually funny that it cracks Noggle up.

Sometimes, like Jim Treacher, I need to footnote my humor. Which does not make it any less funny.

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Brian J.’s Recycler Tour: Baking Day Edition

Apparently, this date in history has been the day before Thanksgiving a couple of times. Here are some of the pumpkin pie baking quips I’ve made over the years.

2010:

Brian J. Noggle is baking his first pumpkin pies, but he’s not using his mother’s recipe. That must explain the difference in the number of seeds in the pie compared to his memories.

2010:

Brian J. Noggle blames his pumpkin pie fiasco on the Campbell’s Soup people, from whom he got the recipe. They were unclear whether he was to add the can of water along with the can of Cream of Mushroom Soup in the recipe. After 2.5 hours of baking, Noggle assumes not.

Also, note IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE LUMPY!
Those are nutritious mushrooms.

2011:

Brian J. Noggle doesn’t have enough condensed milk for two pumpkin pies. Looks like he’ll have to stretch it out with mayonnaise.

Bonus for the day after Thanksgiving, 2017:

There’s no Black Friday at all, really. Matter of fact, they’re all quite black.

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Brian J.’s Recycler Tour, Hallowe’en Gig

From October 31, 2010:

Brian J. Noggle is telling everyone that he is dressed as Prester John. Since Prester John and his armies never did arrive, historically speaking, no one can dispute that Noggle is not dressed as Prester John. They can only dispute its actual likelihood.

In the 21st century, I am the only one to tell and appreciate a good Prester John joke.

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Roger Daltrey Seen In Vicinity

What if the Baha Men were not asking a question….

What if they were telling us The Who let the dogs out?

I like that conspiracy better than the one that says WHO let the dogs out because I’m afraid to contemplate what the dogs were infected with when WHO let them out.

MfBJN: Come for the Internet conspiracy theory misinformation, stay for the twee book reports on chapbooks and monographs I look at between plays of NFL games.

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Brian J.’s Recycler Tour: Medical Tips Edition

From September 23, 2015:

I was sitting on the edge of the roof for like an hour before I realized that gargoyling didn’t help a sore throat at all.

I AM SO GULLIBLE.

You know, I used to post those kinds of quips here, too; in the early years of MfBJN, you’d find a lot of one-liners and whatnot in posts. I sure got away from that. I’m not sure whether it’s the posting of one liners or of coming up with funny one-liners at all.

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