Category: Humor

From this date in 2011:

Brian J. Noggle tried the starmaster machine at the gym today. Suddenly, he’s Emperor of the Four Galaxies and has to manage a war with the Tribini Consortium.

I would say it was funnier in the past, but it probably was not.

From this day in 2009:

Brian J. Noggle has banned the game Memory in the house because he doesn’t want his children playing with matches.

Spoiler alert: Memory-style games were played at Nogglestead, although Nogglestead is still in the unknown future from March 2009.

Several funny things posted on this day in history.

March 15, 2014:

Trivia fact: In the song “Norwegian Pie”, Don McLean drives his Ford to the fjord.

March 15, 2012:

Brian J. Noggle points out that, in the Marvel Universe, they would only be the Teenage Ninja Turtles since their powers came from alteration, not birth.

March 15, 2011:

Brian J. Noggle expects that, with all the inflation, the Mötley Crüe song will have to be covered as “Girls, Girls, Girls, Girls”.

From this date in 2011:

Brian J. Noggle wishes he had a fish tank because nothing starts a conversation like 120mm of tuna delivered from 4,400 yards.

Hey, former frequent commenter John Farrier liked it.

On this day in 2011, I proffered the following bits of wisdom:

Brian J. Noggle doesn’t think rock and roll has been the same since bands went all green and starting using the solar power chord.

And:

Brian J. Noggle thinks granola bars are suet for humans.

On February 18, 2016, I quipped:

When the little old lady threw her shoulder into me, knocked me off my chair, and took my ten of hearts, I realized it wasn’t a misprint: we were really playing contact bridge.

Also, on February 18, 2020, when I was taking a triathlon class at the YMCA, I said:

I kick through wood better than I kick through water.

Given how few martial arts classes I’ve had in the last year, this might no longer be true.

From this date in 2015:

The government won’t admit it, but pinball score inflation is a real problem that working class families experience every time they play pinball.

A bumper that would have scored you 100 points in 1972 now scores you 10,000,000 points.

When will we stand up to Big Pinball and the cartel’s point gouging?

Man, I have a long Internet trail.

Also, sometime this year I am likely to repost a Recycler Tour post that I have already posted. A full trip around the sun will occur since I started these posts in last April.

On this date in 2010, I said:

Brian J. Noggle asks, “You know who makes your life complete? Your murderer.”

I have to wonder if I lifted that from somewhere.

From two years ago:

Wait a minute. Les Miserables is not a blues guitarist.

I HAVE BEEN TRICKED AGAIN.

From this date in 2012:

Brian J. Noggle wonders who’s scrying now. Obviously, not him, or he wouldn’t have to wonder.

Apparently, only my beautiful wife got the joke. Well, there’s often only one person in a group that does, and she is the best of any group to do so.

I say Christmase’en.

Because I am consistent.

I guess it’s a meme, which is the modern equivalent of the cartoon but requires no actually drawing skill, but Instapundit posted this on Facebook, and I was amused.

I mean, I’ve told that story once or twice, but probably not to pretty girls. Well, except my beautiful wife, but I learned it after we were married, and she was stuck.

As I said in 2010:

Brian J. Noggle asks, “What’s the difference between an Argentinian cowboy with a copy of Das Kapital in his saddlebag and the host of ‘You Bet Your Life’?”

One is a gaucho Marxist.

That is so simultaneously esoteric and not actually funny that it cracks Noggle up.

Sometimes, like Jim Treacher, I need to footnote my humor. Which does not make it any less funny.

Apparently, this date in history has been the day before Thanksgiving a couple of times. Here are some of the pumpkin pie baking quips I’ve made over the years.

2010:

Brian J. Noggle is baking his first pumpkin pies, but he’s not using his mother’s recipe. That must explain the difference in the number of seeds in the pie compared to his memories.

2010:

Brian J. Noggle blames his pumpkin pie fiasco on the Campbell’s Soup people, from whom he got the recipe. They were unclear whether he was to add the can of water along with the can of Cream of Mushroom Soup in the recipe. After 2.5 hours of baking, Noggle assumes not.

Also, note IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE LUMPY!
Those are nutritious mushrooms.

2011:

Brian J. Noggle doesn’t have enough condensed milk for two pumpkin pies. Looks like he’ll have to stretch it out with mayonnaise.

Bonus for the day after Thanksgiving, 2017:

There’s no Black Friday at all, really. Matter of fact, they’re all quite black.

From October 31, 2010:

Brian J. Noggle is telling everyone that he is dressed as Prester John. Since Prester John and his armies never did arrive, historically speaking, no one can dispute that Noggle is not dressed as Prester John. They can only dispute its actual likelihood.

In the 21st century, I am the only one to tell and appreciate a good Prester John joke.

From this day in 2014:

I can learn things on my own, but only one at a time.

I’m a semiautodidactic.

What if the Baha Men were not asking a question….

What if they were telling us The Who let the dogs out?

I like that conspiracy better than the one that says WHO let the dogs out because I’m afraid to contemplate what the dogs were infected with when WHO let them out.

MfBJN: Come for the Internet conspiracy theory misinformation, stay for the twee book reports on chapbooks and monographs I look at between plays of NFL games.