Musings from Brian J. Noggle – Page 474 – To be able to say "Noggle," you first must be able to say "Nah."

John Kass is the Best Columnist in Chicago

June 22, 2004August 13, 2018 Brian J. Noggle

There, I have said it. Read his column today, entitled Terrorists take us to the real ring of hell (worth the registration required). Real meat:

Avoiding the Berg video, or the pictures of what happened to Johnson, or the images of the next American they grab, won’t dull the knives of those who want us all dead. They want to drive Americans from where we want to stand in the world and send us quivering home.

Avoiding won’t make us safer here, either. It actually may do us all a disservice, since it allows us to keep an emotional distance.

The flat of the killing knives is only an inch or two wide. It is much shorter than the distance between today and Sept. 11, 2001. We’ve achieved separation from each, and that is dangerous.

I don’t know why Kass isn’t a blogosphere superstar like Lileks, Appelbaum, or Steyn.

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Query

June 22, 2004August 13, 2018 Brian J. Noggle

Does Cuba have enough land for an “all-out ground war“?

(Link seen on Fark.)

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Joke of the Day

June 22, 2004August 13, 2018 Brian J. Noggle

UN slams US over spending Iraq funds. It goes like this:

United Nations-mandated auditors have sharply criticised the US occupation authority for the way it has spent more than $11bn in Iraqi oil revenues and say they have faced “resistance” from coalition officials.

In an interim report, obtained by the Financial Times, KPMG says the Development Fund for Iraq, which is managed by the US-led Coalition Provisional Authority and channels oil revenue into reconstruction projects, is “open to fraudulent acts”.

Ha ha ha ha! Hooo. And then the UN says, “the CPA is open to fraudulent acts.” Ha ha ha ha haa!

Sorry, it’s hard to type with the tears from the laughter in my eyes. That Matt Drudge, who told me this one, is a stitch, ainna?

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Somebody Save Me

June 22, 2004August 13, 2018 Brian J. Noggle

Our wonderful realtors Jim and Gale Beardsley provided us with a complimentary subscription to Home by Design. I like to browse through each issue, but the Editor’s Letter in the latest issue made me cringe. First sentence:

I am so excited for this issue of Home By Design magazine because it is my first, as the new Editor!

As it was a magazine, it didn’t hurt when I slammed my head into it repeatedly, so I had to step outside and lean into, repeatedly, the exposed foundation of my home.

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Is That All?

June 22, 2004August 13, 2018 Brian J. Noggle

For months, people watching the Illinois Senate race have wondered what was sealed in Jack Ryan’s divorce papers. Opponents sniffed at the locked documents and speculated that they contained something dark and evil, such as the mark of the beast on Jack Ryan’s, um, well, something, anyway. Now, the papers are a-coming out, and they contain some dudshells:

Republican Senate candidate Jack Ryan pressured his wife, actress Jeri Lynn Ryan, to have sex in clubs while others watched, she charged in divorce documents released Monday.

The “Boston Public” and “Star Trek: Voyager” actress said she angered Ryan by refusing. She did acknowledge infidelity on her part, which she said took place after their marriage was irretrievably broken.

See the difference? Sex in public with your spouse, bad. Adulterous sex in private, okay. Well, I am not here to cast aspersions on either, hem, alternate lifestyle (although I will acknowledge that one is immoral and the other inaesthetic), I will ask:

Is that it?

Perhaps I am just a product of Generation X, who grew up with Kevin Smith films and with vampire movies mainstreaming the S&M club into tomorrow’s kitsch. I’m not shocked, and I’m not sure how his particular pecadillos would impact his governing ability. He’s not violated any law, and as far as I know, he would not want to have sex with her in the Senate (although it would certainly boost CSPAN ratings). Heck, it just might be the crossover appeal needed to get Democrats to vote for him.

(Link seen on Drudge.)

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Perspective

June 21, 2004August 13, 2018 Brian J. Noggle

Sure, it won’t make you feel superior to your workplace like Dilbert does, but Mrs. du Toit offers some reminders about what it means to be a worker bee.

The working world: like it, or vote Democrat.

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Dearth

June 21, 2004August 13, 2018 Brian J. Noggle

You know, on weekends and, well, weekdays, I don’t catch much television coverage of the news and I dodge radio coverage when I can.

That must explain why I haven’t heard the stories covering declining gas prices. You know, the video that depicts the jubilant American street dancing under the gas station canopy, with gushing men and women on the street thanking government inappropriately for the partially-free market working and explaining that since gas prices have fallen thirty cents, they can afford to feed their children (expensive preprocessed food) and can once again afford to commute ninety minutes to work.

Because undoubtedly the media covered the what comes down portion of the cycle with the same alack!rity that they covered the what goes up story.

I just must have missed it.

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That’s Just Precious

June 21, 2004August 13, 2018 Brian J. Noggle

Instapundit links to an AP story about John Kerry’s campaign receiving a bothersome campaign contribution:

John Kerry’s campaign collected a maximum $2,000 check from the recently arrested son of South Korea’s disgraced former president, and some of its fund-raisers met several times with a South Korean government official who was trying to organize a Korean-American political group.

Kerry’s going to give it back, of course, since it’s now public.

But the ad dished up with the story is amusing:

John Kerry wants your illegal campaign contribution

Click for full size

Click to send your own questionable campaign contribution.

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Book Review: The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson (1990)

June 20, 2004August 13, 2018 Brian J. Noggle

I bought this book at a garage sale some time ago to sell on eBay. It didn’t sell, so I read it. The hardback edition came out in 1990, 14 years ago. You want to feel old? Calvin would be in his early 20s today. No doubt he’d have given up Hobbes by now, unless he were a developer or a cartoonist and he kept Hobbes around to decorate his workspace.

I like Calvin and Hobbes, the cartoon. I liked this collection. Calvin and Hobbes were pretty popular in their day (Watterson, the cartoonist, discontinued the strip in the 1990s). Actually, they became so culturally iconic that even today, ten years later, you can go into an auto parts store and by unlicensed and unofficial decals depicting Calvin urinating on an automotive logo of your choice (Ford seems rather popular). Have you noticed that the last of the iconic cartoons, Dilbert, stems from the 1980s. Remember the 1980s, when iconic cartoons abounded? You couldn’t help but bump into The Far Side, Bloom County, Garfield, or Calvin and Hobbes apparel or pop-cultural references. Heck, even Cathy was touted as some zeitgeist for single women. Can you think of any cartoon created in the last decade that has captured that wide of an appeal? I couldn’t. I guess it’s the same thing television suffers; the fragmentation of the audience. Or perhaps it’s the decline of the newspaper. Or maybe they just don’t make them like they used to.

So what about Calvin and Hobbes made it successful? I reckon the use of an imaginative six-year-old gave Watterson the opportunity to take on very adult themes and to make them simple. When cutting through the normal nuance and adult-thinking, Calvin could mutter a throw-away punchline that would clarify an issue the way no six hundred word editorial column or two hundred page political book could. Watterson also built in great latitude when he made Calvin an imaginitive six-year-old; his incarnations as Spaceman Spiff, Stupendous Man, and Calvinosaurus keep the material fresh and interesting for the reader, and they probably kept the cartoon fresh for the artist.

By all means, enjoy the book if you’re a Calvin and Hobbes fan. If you’ve never read them, you damn kid, check it out. The material’s not dated and will last a couple of decades. By 2060, though, it will be as accessible as Andy Capp or Snuffy Smith.

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Guest Blogger Introduction

June 19, 2004August 13, 2018 Brian J. Noggle

To keep up with all the cool blogs, I am going to have a guest blogger fill in for those days when I can’t think of anything snarky-but-ultimately-forgettable to say. I mean, when I am too busy with a real life to blog.

Ladies, well, okay, Heather and her mom, and gentlemen, which is to say El Guapo, Cagey, Darbo, and that one dude from BellSouth.net, here is your new guest blogger, Ajax:

Click for super size

Expect a lot of hard-hitting posts regarding the infrequency of Fancy Feast, the immaturity of those mean birds who tauntingly flit around outside the window but don’t dare come in the house, and the inadequacies of the other cats.

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Saturday Morning Musings

June 19, 2004July 4, 2014 Brian J. Noggle

As it’s the beginning of the first weekend of a vacation, and a warm, clear summer day, a young man’s thoughts and stirrings within his heart naturally awaken his yearning to embrace his most sacred love: beer.

Cripes, I am sleeping on the couch tonight for that intro, I know.

So think upon these things, friends:

While discussing free trade or something important in the New York Times, Virginia Postrel points out:

“The U.S. used to import coffee from around 25 countries,” says David E. Weinstein, an economist at Columbia University. “Now we import it from 52 countries. Beer we import from three times more countries than we used to.”

Viva laissez-faire, if you can still pronounce it this late in the day.
Via Fark, we see this little story: Ain’t the beer classy:

At Detroit’s four-star Opus One last month, eager diners paid $55 apiece for an evening of fine food with fine libations. Six bulbous wineglasses stood by their plates. Waiters waltzed by and poured from . . . pitchers of beer? Indeed, dinner began with a cold shrimp and crab crostini, served with an English mild ale, and ended with caramel cappuccino cheesecake, accompanied by a British favorite, dry stout.

Beer wants to be the next wine. Not the boys at Budweiser but local brewers. These beer artisans will never be able to compete with Bud at football games. But they might stand a chance as an alternative to wine with dinner.

Call me a traditionalist, but beer really only truly augments three meals: wings, pizza, and chicken. Granted, it goes well with anything, or nothing, but if you were to ask me, “Brian, what beer goes best with brined chicken with cilantro garnish?” I would answer, “Lots.”

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Lose/Lose

June 19, 2004August 13, 2018 Brian J. Noggle

Hey, everyone’s a loser in this story:

Attorney General Jay Nixon said Friday that Schnucks and Dierbergs stores had been adding a surcharge onto video rental bills that looked like a sales tax but wasn’t. He said the companies had kept some of the money.

Nixon said the two supermarket chains had agreed to stop the practice and pay $110,000 each in penalties to the state.

Salient points:

Business, since Dierberg’s and Schnucks saw fit to levy a 7% surcharge on video rentals and labeling it a “tax/surcharge” even though the State of Missouri does not levy a sales tax in these situations. By breaking out the extra portion of the price, these supermarket chains do the same thing telephone companies, utilities, and mechanics do: they hide, deceive, and trick customers with extra line items on the invoice to generate extra revenue. Listen, you damn creative business types: mark one price that includes all of your costs of business and tell me up front.
P.S. Thanks for the statements that you didn’t do anything wrong here. Smeg off, you stooges. Even the laissez-faire amongst us recognize you’re not victims here.
The consumers, who have paid extra seven cents per $1.00 rental for who knows how long. $1.07 isn’t so bad for a video rental, but getting institutionally suckered is.
The attorney general, who had to conduct a year-long investigation to net $220,000 in fines. Certainly not cost effective, and certainly not where I would allocate assets, but unquestionably, the wrong doers were doing wrong.
The taxpayers, who had to underwrite an investigation costing more than $220,000.

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Where Was I? Who Was I?

June 19, 2004August 13, 2018 Brian J. Noggle

Via A Small Victory, we have this interesting little meandering down memory lane. Where where you when:

Where were you when you heard that Ronald Reagan died?
I heard he was ailing on my way down to my aunt’s house for a garage sale; I read he died later that night when I got home.
Where were you on September 11, 2001?
At work. The Internet news sites got very slow, and as I walked to get some coffee, I heard a radio in another office with news of a plane disaster in New York. Within an hour, much of the company had gathered in a conference room to watch the only television in our offices, Peter Jennings the condescending Canadian our only available station through the wire serving as the television’s antenna.
Where were you when you heard that Princess Diana died?
I don’t know, and I don’t care. That particular bit of trivia doesn’t matter to me.
Do you remember where you were when you heard Kurt Cobain had died?
No.
Take one for The Gipper: What’s your favorite flavor of jelly bean?
Mint? Licorice? I don’t favor them.
Where were you when Magic Johnson announced he was retiring from the NBA due to AIDS?
I don’t know, and I don’t care. That particular bit of trivia doesn’t matter to me.
Where were you when Reagan was shot?
Carleton Elementary School, 41st and Silver Spring, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. When I got home, it was on television. I knew it was important, but didn’t know why. I was 9.
Where were you when the Challenger exploded?
Eighth grade study hall at North Jefferson Junior High School in Murphy, Missouri. A couple selected students each day got to go use the Commodore 64 computers in the back of the library, and they saw it on a small television back there. I was not one of them, but the news filtered to the rest of the study hall. It was announced over the loudspeaker in 6th hour, when I was sitting in Ms. Smith’s math class.
Where were you when the 0J verdict was announced?
Working as an assistant editor at The Paint Dealer magazine, I was working on a Macintosh, compiling the magazine’s first annual directory of paint and sundries distributors. Small office, one room shared with the director of distribution, the associate editor, the advertising saleswoman, and me, so there was much discussion. Actually, it was just the director of distribution pontificating, but she could really fill the air.

There you have it.

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Based on a True Story

June 19, 2004August 13, 2018 Brian J. Noggle

I told my beautiful wife that The Terminal was based on a true story. Here’s the Snopes account of Merhan Karimi Nasseri, resident of France’s Charles de Gaulle airport.

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Marquette Doesn’t Try to Panhandle From Me

June 19, 2004August 13, 2018 Brian J. Noggle

It’s true, but I don’t get pleas for money from the university from which I graduated. Why is that? Because I think stories like this represent the mindset of most universities, whose staffs only want development (more money) at the expense of tradition and respect?

Any true fan of the University of Missouri would not be surprised to hear this tale of how the University of Kansas treats its fans.

Max and Jackie Kennedy had front row seats in Allen Fieldhouse from the day it opened in 1955. Jackie kept the tickets even after Max died last year. “The hardest thing I had to do was walk in that field house without him,” she said.

But the school told Jackie, 74, that if she doesn’t donate $58,500, the seats will be sold to someone else.

Kansas isn’t entirely heartless. They offered her another set of seats. Near the top row. “But it’s not like we’re tossing her out of the place,” said an associate athletic director, Jim Marchiony.

Kennedy is outraged. “I’m not sitting anywhere else,” she said. “I think it’s blackmail. It’s just unbelievable to me that this is happening.”

Of course, fans who have to sit in bad seats have a different take. “We have probably some of the worst seats in the house,” said Janis Holiwell, of Topeka. “We’ve been making donations every year, and they’re not small donations. … I know they’ve sat there a long time. But we pay the same amount of money and we sit in very poor seats.”

Mizzou wouldn’t treat such loyal fans so shabbily. Why, all Mizzou is charging is a one-time donation of $25,000 for up to eight seats and an annual donation of $5,000 a seat.

Oh, you also have to buy a season ticket. That’s about $816.

Shut your traps, Bobos, and respect your elders. It pains me to have to say it.

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Hockey Nugget

June 19, 2004August 13, 2018 Brian J. Noggle

Just say no Hasek:

Hasek said other teams — believed to be the New York Rangers, St. Louis Blues and Vancouver Canucks — are also involved in negotiations.

The St. Louis Blues do not need another breaking-down, past-his-prime goalie or another questionable goalie who won a Stanley Cup with a better team. They need to bring up Curtis Sanford and let him be the man.

Not that the NHL matters. Talking hockey is as meaningful as talking about the weather until the lockout ends, or St. Louis gets a WHA team. Whichever comes first.

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Tis the Season for Polling

June 18, 2004August 13, 2018 Brian J. Noggle

I just spent fifteen minutes answering my first political telephone poll of the season. I explained that I didn’t have any bad things to say about Jay Nixon, the Missouri Attorney General, but I would probably vote for the other guy anyway.

When asked the best thing I could say about him, I said He’s not Eliot Spitzer. Second nicest thing would have been He’s not Peggy Lotsalager of Wisconsin.

What, with that ringing endorsementand the realization that B. Holden is no Rod Bladjavovich or Jim Doyle, I’ve got a new slogan for the state of Missouri: Our elected officials don’t suck as bad as yours.

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BraveNet World

June 18, 2004May 18, 2012 Brian J. Noggle

Funny, Frank Herbert, J.R.R. Tolkien, and R.A. Salvatore don’t suffer from the literary persecution John Norman does. Here’s section 8d of BraveNet’s terms of service:

(d) Associate Bravenet and any Products and Services with any adult material of any sort. This includes, but is not limited to, such things as nudity, any site, page, image or service requiring any adult verification service, anything that users to be 18 or older to view or join or access, and any text, image or likeness suggesting sexual and/or inappropriate and/or illegal acts of any sort. Without limiting the foregoing, you may not use the Products and Services to store, use, contain or display pornography, adult novelties, adult toys, XXX material, escort services, Gorean, bondage, BDSM, bigotry, racism, hatred, profanity, or any material which may be insulting to another person(s) or entity;

No Counter-Earth fan pages for you, children.

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Veteran’s Day in June

June 17, 2004August 13, 2018 Brian J. Noggle

If you can have Christmas in July, you can damn sure have Veteran’s Day in June. Since Cori Dauber has commented on the fact that many journalists do not know anyone in the military, I want to specifically thank those close to me who have served, including:

Raymond Noggle, my grandfather, USMC (purple heart on Okinawa).
Michael A. Noggle, my father, USMC (Vietnam-era service on Okinawa and in California).
Glenda L. Noggle, my mother, USMC (Vietnam-era service at El Toro, California).
Kevin M. Noggle, my brother, USMC (6 years because the recruiter promised him Recon–sucker!)
James Igert, my father-in-law, U.S. Air Force (Vietnam-era service).
Timothy Crowley, friend, U.S. Navy.
David Watkins, friend from college, U.S. Army (Ranger).
George “Jimmy” Niederriter, friend from high school, U.S. Army (Ranger).
Brian Mach, friend, National Guard.

Jeez, I hope I haven’t forgotten anyone.

Gentlemen (and Mom), thank you. You’ve proven your commitment to this country in a way I have not, you have protected my freedom to be a chickenhawk today.

Yeah, I am bragging about knowing them and bask in their reflected glory, but you would, too.

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Transitional Equivalence

June 17, 2004August 13, 2018 Brian J. Noggle

Hooray for this bit of moral equivalence:

ABC News reports investigators have tied the man to a terrorist cell set to carry out a series of bombings and assassinations in London.

The man, a naturalized citizen from Pakistan, was secretly taken into custody in April.

He is being held at the Metropolitan Correctional Center in Lower Manhattan and is said to be cooperating offering investigators significant information about Al Qaeda’s plans.

He is being held as a material witness and his family is now under federal protection.

The man has told investigators that Al Qaeda is planning more attacks in the United States. He has also revealed a scheme to smuggle terrorists across the Mexican border.

The suspect’s assertions were part of the intelligence that led to recent warnings about a summer threat from Al Qaeda.

Another man being held today is kidnapped American Paul Johnson.

Got that? A material witness in the custody of the United States is the same as Paul Johnson.

Rage, rage against the dying of the schnucking moral insight that would tell ABC News or its affiliate’s writers that these things are not the same, and Paul Johnson is not another man being held in the same way as a material witness.

Link seen on Hugh Hewitt, who doesn’t comment on this blatant idiocy.)

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