To be able to say "Noggle," you first must be able to say "Nah."
To tuck or not to tuck that is the question
“Most men want to wear the accepted norm, and for years that used to be khaki pants, a tucked blue shirt and black belt,” explains Gregg Andrews, a fashion director at Nordstrom.
Now, he says the uniform is premium jeans and a striped button-down shirt that is untucked.
Not in my world, mister. Do some sit-ups, by a real holster for your concealed carry needs, and tuck it in.
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Mehlville agency will seek lower tax rate:
The Mehlville Fire Protection District will propose yet another reduction in its property tax rate at next week’s tax rate hearing.
The Board of Directors will propose a tax rate of 69.8 cents per $100 assessed valuation for 2007, Chairman Aaron Hilmer said.
“The reason we lowered it even further than we originally intended was (that) as we looked at the amount of reserves that we had, they were just stunning . . . what we built up in the last 18 months,” Hilmer said. “This is in addition to building a new firehouse, buying a new fire truck, ordering another one, getting three new ambulances, new staff cars, upgrading medical, etcetera. So we looked and saw we were projecting eight to nine million dollars in reserves, in addition to new taxes we’re bringing in, and that’s why we decided to lower it even more.”
I’m writing in the name Aaron Hilmer for 3rd District Congressional Representative this year.
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Dear Doctor Creepy,
I’m trying to find creepy actors whose mannerisms–and creepy characters–I can use as inspiration for emulation in every day life. I like Edward Norton and really like Crispin Glover, especially for his role in Williard. If I choose one to imitate for maximum creepiness, who should it be?
Signed,
Creeping 2 Creepy
Dear Creeping to Creepy,
For starters, you poser, do not use numbers for words; there is nothing creepy about Prince-hop.
Secondly, you’ve presented Dr. Creepy with a false dilemma in choosing between Norton and Glover. Both have their finer points as creepy character actors, but ultimately their other work will overshadow their best roles.
And although some might suspect that I favor Ronald Lacey, whereas I do hold the immortal Toht close to heart at all times, if I could have all junior weirdos out their emulate one frightening modern character actor, I would recommend David Patrick Kelly. The short, high-pitched actor commands attention and makes skin crawl in any motion picture in which he appears, from his role as Doyle in Last Man Standing to T-Bird in The Crow. Certainly, although Sam the Sleazeball appeared to reform in The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, did you really believe that the flower-toting, woman-defending fisticuffs were genuine and bound to last? I couldn’t. And his pièce de résistance remains the too-brief role of Sully in Commando.
Working his nonhandsomeness together with his diminutive height and high pitched voice (which sounds lispy, even when it’s not), Kelley combines pathetic with the fear that violence might erupt at any moment. My friends, that’s the essence of creepy, and no one has it like David Patrick Kelley.
Sincerely,
Dr. Creepy
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George W. Bush has ginned up the fake “air terror” alert to make it inconvenient for you to fly. So you’ll have to drive to your destinations and will have to buy gas at Big Oil’s gouge–nay, plunge router!–prices.
You silly fools who think it’s all about influencing an election… you’ve forgotten It’s All About Oiiiil!
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Hard to think how this could be taken pejoratively:
“This is a bunch of good kids from Fulton,” said Weiser’s lawyer, Carter Collins Law. “As far as I can tell, they’re a bunch of little country mice. And I don’t mean that in a … pejorative way at all,” she said.
From what children’s story book did this condescending attorney pluck did this particular bunch? The Little Country Mice Who Chewed Through MoneyGram International’s Wires Accidentally And Got a Lot of Cheese Nationwide?
I don’t know if I ever want an attorney defending me to try the Forrest Gump defense. I mean, who does this attorney think is more naive, her clients or anyone listening?
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Voters approve increasing license fees for businesses:
St. Louis voters approved an increase to the business license fee, dealing a victory to Mayor Francis Slay’s assault on crime.
And a victory to Francis Slay’s assault on companies located in the city limits.
How is this a victory in the assault on crime? Is Francis Slay’s opponents in this war on crime businesses? Giving the questionable government of the city of St. Louis more money to squander as it sees fit (and more money in the general fund for slush like sports commissions) doesn’t directly impact crime. But if the “assault on crime” is all about raising money, I guess I stand corrected and it is a victory.
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Federal appeals court rules against workplace PC privacy:
If you think the Web sites you access on your workplace computer are nobody else’s business, think again.
That was the message today from the Ninth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco, which upheld a Montana man’s conviction for receiving obscene material that his employer found on his computer during a late-night raid.
“Social norms suggest that employees are not entitled to privacy in the use of workplace computers, which belong to their employers and pose significant dangers in terms of diminished productivity and even employer liability,” said Judge Diarmuid O’Scannlain in the 3-0 ruling.
He said other courts have consistently ruled that employers are entitled to monitor their workers’ use of computers as long as they had disclosed that policy to their workforce.
Unlike some respected legal minds, I don’t think this is a defeat for privacy rights; instead, it’s a victory for property rights. Because even though some people would phrase it this way:
If you think the Web sites you access on your workplace computer are nobody else’s business, think again.
Because let’s not forget, it’s not your computer, it’s your employer’s. It’s not your Internet connection at work, it’s your employers. And anyone who would give you rights over that property which you don’t own takes rights away from the actual owner.
Apparently, this runs counter to established case law regarding searches and seizures and where arbitrary edges of the invented right to privacy lies. Friends, this strikes me, like much law does, as to arguing what sort of pin angels can dance upon. From the distant, forest sort of view, it doesn’t matter whether the gumdrop trees are green or blue because it’s still a candy forest in a child’s imagination. But I haven’t finished law school.
I suspect that throwing computers into the story has triggered automatic responses from the digitally-inclined libertarians amongst us. After all, information wants to be free, unless it wants to hide in the shadows of privacy’s billowing petticoats. Because it’s computers, it’s different and twenty-first century.
But it looks to me, simply, that once you’ve established that the employee has certain rights to use the employer’s facilities and materiel as the employee wants, we cannot stop easily at the compter namespace. No, the employee then should have certain privacy rights to be free from monitoring, from both the employer and the government, in other facilities or with other employer-provided mechanisms for communicating and productivity.
Conference rooms become cones of silence, in which you can conduct personal business without fear of eviction for actual meetings. Why not plan your family reunion? Letterhead and printed envelopes become diplomatic pouches, wherein you should expect everything you write, type, or print upon them to be private, for the addressee only. Don’t forget the 900 numbers on your phone system. The Man blocking them surely infringes upon your privacy and its emanated right to a psychic reading.
No, the 9th District here accidentally protected the rights of property holders from those who would virtually squat upon those items. Regardless of search, seizure, or illegal activity, the computers belong to the employers, and the employees have no right to their network connections, memory, or hard disk space for personal use.
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Bryan Burwell of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch writes of Floyd Landis:
His lies are so bad that they remind me of my dearly departed grandmother who used to blame her flatulence on our aging cocker spaniel, even though the foul aroma was wafting directly from her flowery frock.
So the Liar King Landis tries to ignore the foul smell of guilt wafting all around him and blame it on everybody and everything but my lovable dead dog.
Burwell is purportedly a professional writer. Can we just nominate him for the Pulitzer, nay, the Nobel Prize for Literature! right now?
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The Milwaukee Admirals have a new look and a new logo, and it’s goofy:
In conjunction with its new slogan “Never say die,” which has been teasing local billboard readers for the past month, the Admirals introduced the new logo: the admiral of a ghost ship. A pirate explained to the crowd that the admiral had been at the bottom of Lake Michigan for the past 20 years and that this was what was left of him.
The new logo is quite a bit edgier than the last logo of the salty seaman admiral. The new admiral, designed by Joe Locher of Yes Men of Milwaukee, is a skull with a black admiral’s cap with ice blue trim.
The team’s new colors will be black, ice blue and silver, replacing the old red, white and blue. “We wanted to do something that would be really popular with the younger crowd,” Locher said. “We wanted to avoid the idea of a trendy logo, yet we wanted to tie it in to the heritage of the team to have it make more sense.”
Yeah, a skeleton logo in black, white, and ice blue. That’ll impress the kids these days. What, did they think they weren’t selling enough merchandise to the gangbanger crowd that flocks to Raiders apparel?
Plus, let’s just savor that insight from the marketing man again:
“We wanted to do something that would be really popular with the younger crowd,” Locher said. “We wanted to avoid the idea of a trendy logo, yet we wanted to tie it in to the heritage of the team to have it make more sense.”
Avoiding a trendy logo yet tying it into the heritage of the team.
Obviously, this fellow’s skill lies with imagery, and not expressing cohesive concepts in language.
(Link seen a while back on The American Mind.)
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In April, I sent a letter cancelling my subscription to Reader’s Digest’s The World’s Best Reading series of classic literature editions.
It must be the beginning of the month, because I’ve got another invoice for a book whose shipment I refused. I’ll have to drop another letter in the mail saying I won’t pay this invoice, either, since I freaking cancelled five months ago.
Reader’s Digest Association: It’s Like AOL from the Ninteenth Century.
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Illinois to track liquor sales to minor
In other news, the remainder of Illinois’ under-21 population has breathed a sigh of relief that the Man won’t be watching them.
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Sherman Parker or someone at his campaign has sent me the complete statement he issued after his recent arrest:
Below is the fulll text of a statement I sent to the Post Dispatch regarding the story that is in today’s (Saturday) paper about my unfortunate incident this week:
On Monday, July 31, 2006, after erecting campaign signs in St. Charles County, I was pulled over on Highway 40 and detained by a Missouri State Highway trooper. I was not initially stopped for a traffic violation or any violation of the law. I did not receive a ticket for this stop. After checking my driving record, the trooper later determined that a bench warrant had been issued for my arrest for missing a court date for a speeding violation in Chesterfield.
I had previously written the court a letter requesting to reschedule my court date since this date was during the legislative session. In the course of the ensuing weeks, with the session winding down and attempting to get my congressional campaign into full gear, I neglected to follow up with the court, and thus a bench warrant was issued without my knowledge. Prior to this incident, I had never been arrested by any law enforcement officer anywhere.
At the present time, all my fines have been paid, and I now want to put this embarrassing matter behind me. I apologize and I understand, that as an elected official, no one person is above the law. I must strive everyday to set a higher example. I very much regret that this incident may detract, in these last few days, from the issues I have been stressing in this campaign such as: improving healthcare, economic development, and the rising cost of energy.
As I’d hoped, it’s straightforward and doesn’t avoid blame for a procedural error leading to his bench warrant and doesn’t go off on the cop who arrested him. No indignation, no racial overtones, just a statement about what happened.
On a side note, aren’t bench warrants neat things? Personally, I wonder sometimes if there’s a bench warrant out for me. I mean, a speed zone or red light camera ticket mailed to the wrong address, and suddenly I could be calling my wife to bail me out of jail. One wonders if this is a good mechanism for minor law enforcement, but then again, if one is like this one (me), one knows that it’s not about law enforcement as getting revenue and asserting authority.
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I’m not even sure any more where I bought this book. It clocks in at over 700 pages, friends, and it took me almost three weeks to read. As a matter of fact, I had to take a break in the middle of it to read I Ought To Be In Pictures when I was getting depressed from all the stories of murder and mayhem.
First off, I’d like to say that this collection is one of the most poorly edited and produced books I’ve come across in some time. A cheap edition published in Great Britain, this book features gritty paper, a cover that’s close enough to a pizza box in quality to merit the comparison, pages cut by a dull blade, and partially washed out ink in many places. Additionally, the editing job was poor; many sidebar two-paragraph anecdotes inserted to break up sections actually retold the stories of incidents and crimes told elsewhere in the book. In the case of Black Bart, an old West stagecoach robber, he has his own named section in one chapter and, later in the chapter, is recounted as a part of a section about the most notorious Western robbers. By “is recounted,” I mean the same seven or eight paragraphs appear twice in the same chapter, separated by only a handful of pages. This book definitely doesn’t represent an academic or thoughtful work in any sense of the imagination. It’s completely a case of slapping together a large number of pruriently-interesting things and hoping to make as much from them as possible.
Still, it contains quite the compendium of famous, infamous, and trivial crimes of murder, genocide, fraud, theivery, and whatnot. The first couple hundred pages focus on mass murderers and genocidal tyrants, which led to my distaste to which I alluded. It did, however, give me a little historical perspective on the “disproportionate” and violent doings of the Western military, particularly the American and Israeli militaries, in the last 100 years. I mean, come on, the Huns and the Khans and the Ottomans were capable of real genocide, not having small units go nuts or ordnance going errant. When we lose perspective on what animal mankind really is, I guess it’s easy to think that our civilization isn’t better than the worst man has to offer.
Is the book a worthwhile read? Well, if you’re looking for macabre trivia–and who isn’t? But take plenty of breaks to retain your perspective that all of mankind isn’t like this book depicts.
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Akin rival arrested on traffic warrants:
On Monday night, Parker had just finished staking campaign signs on private property near Highway 40 in St. Charles County when he was pulled over by a state trooper who questioned what Parker was doing near the road.
When the officer later did a check on the candidate’s drivers license, he discovered that Parker had two arrest warrants for unresolved traffic violations in St. Louis County. Parker was briefly taken into police custody and released after paying a pair of $100 bonds, according to court documents.
So this has all the trappings of a racial profiling sort of stop, and the Post-Dispatch‘s activism is muted. Because the target is a Republican, or because the target himself is avoiding the obvious?
Parker, already considered a long shot to unseat Akin, issued an apologetic statement after being asked about the arrest on Friday.
“I very much regret that this incident may detract, in these last few days, from the issues I have been stressing in this campaign,” Parker said in a statement.
And:
“I understand, that as an elected official, no one person is above the law,” Parker said.
Sounds like the reasoned response of someone we’d want to elect. I haven’t seen the full statement (it’s not on his Web site), but I hope it’s as apologetic and appropriate as the paper makes it sound. Not accusatory, not avoiding responsibility, just explanatory and humble.
UPDATE: Representative Parker has sent me his complete statement, posted here.
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Novelist emerges from cult status writing about underbelly of Ozarks:
A few hollows and half a universe south of Laura Ingalls Wilder’s last little house, you’ll find Daniel Woodrell.
In this author’s world, Pa cooks meth and Ma sits by the potbelly with unwashed hair, her mind “broke.” The three young ones pretty much fend for themselves.
There’s no sunshiny morning or easy redemption in these Missouri hills. No tender stories of life’s travails eased by kindly neighbors or a loving Savior.
Although Woodrell’s characters share traditions with hardscrabble Ozark folks of lore, his stories probably aren’t going to grab the “Little House on the Prairie” or “Shepherd of the Hills” crowd. Old Matt’s moonshine still isn’t so quaint when it’s a lab for making crank.
Woodrell is Missouri’s most original, yet underappreciated working author. He’s not unknown: Ang Lee made a movie of one of his books, and others have been optioned.
Because the coastal cultural elites prefer that their inferiors in the interior be seemy, irredeemable, redneck trash. Congratulations to Woodrell for his success in perpetuating and profiting from the stereotypes.
In my experience, the people of that area are less crusty and shotgun eccentric and more earthy and friendly. But as the journalist writing the piece indicates, the underbelly sells more than the smiling face, helpful hands, or strong back.
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Tristan fantasizes about dinner:
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It’s not waterboarding as interrogation; it’s yoga!
Be sure to click view the Windows Media Player video How to use a Neti Pot in the right sidebar, just in case they reinstate the draft and you’re assigned to Guantanamo Bay.
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When in Rome, do as the Visigoths do.
UPDATE Oops. Oh, yeah, I completely, inadvertently, ripped off Mark Steyn. Now I feel like a real blogger, headed for scandal. And after I even sent it to Top Five’s Ruminations, too.
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God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Also, let me win the Powerball.
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Parents of woman killed in sky-diver plane crash file suit:
The parents of a would-be skydiver who died along with five others in a plane crash Saturday [July 29] filed a lawsuit today [August 2] claiming negligence caused the aircraft’s engine to fail.
Vivian and Susan Delacroix of Kent, England, brought suit against the engine manufacturer, skydiving club and others claiming they are responsible for the death of their daughter, Victoria Delacroix, 22.
“Our initial investigation points to a right engine failure just after takeoff,” said Gary C. Robb, a Kansas City attorney representing the family.
Congratulations to the proud attorney who pursued the pursuit of justice to England and probably got the lawsuit file before the body was buried. Not only is he quick, but he’s aggressive with the defendants:
The maker of the PT6A turbo prop engine in the DeHavilland DHC-6 airplane that crashed after taking off from the Sullivan Regional Airport. The manufacturer was Pratt & Whitney, which is owned by United Technologies.
Annick Laberge, a spokesman for Pratt & Whitney Canada division, declined comment today.
“It is our corporate policy not to discuss incidents under investigation,” she said.
The suit also names the Quantum Leap Skydiving Center, which operated the skydiving club; the airport, which serviced and maintained the plane; Adventure Aviation, which owned the plane; and pilot Scott Cowan, who also perished in the crash.
Suing the estate of another victim of the crash. That, my friends, is pluck with a capital F.
Although we at MfBJN wonder how they couldn’t work Thomas Miskel, Bourbeuse River Hauling, and Six Flags into the suit somehow. Perhaps it’s only a matter of time.
(I post this with the plantiffs’ attorney’s name in here understanding that this attorney will find this post–hi there!– next time he or a member of his staff uses Google to find his ‘fan base,’ but the last I heard, calling someone plucky is not actually libelous.)
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