Good Environmental News

Scientists hail discovery of hundreds of new species in remote New Guinea:

An astonishing mist-shrouded “lost world” of previously unknown and rare animals and plants high in the mountain rainforests of New Guinea has been uncovered by an international team of scientists.

Among the new species of birds, frogs, butterflies and palms discovered in the expedition through this pristine environment, untouched by man, was the spectacular Berlepsch’s six-wired bird of paradise. The scientists are the first outsiders to see it. They could only reach the remote mountainous area by helicopter, which they described it as akin to finding a “Garden of Eden”.

This is excellent news, since it means we can continue our hobby of exterminating species for a few more years than previously thought.

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Camera Keeps Deputy Safer….When Ogling

TCoast deputy fired for using police camera to tape girls on beach:

Martin County deputy used his dashboard-mounted video camera to zoom in on and record bikini-clad girls, including one showering at a public beach, a sheriff’s office investigation reveals.

Martin County sheriff Robert Crowder fired deputy Jack Munsey after the investigation, released Monday, concluded Munsey broke policy by using the video for unofficial purposes, spending on-duty time on off-duty activities and for improper conduct.

But, in the deputy’s defense, the scantily-clad women were not victims while he was watching, proving once again that using cameras to focus on women prevents crime.

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Sanity Reigns in St. Louis, Or At Least Insanity Held Temporarily At Bay

Plan to silence noisy car stereos is pulled:

The city’s get-tough plan to silence booming car stereos was pulled Friday after the mayor and comptroller turned up the political pressure.

Alderman Craig Schmid’s proposal to allow police to impound cars with enhanced stereo equipment was criticized as overly broad and intrusive. The bill would have allowed the city to fine motorists with some sound systems straight from the factory, technically enabling police to take their cars regardless of whether music was pumping or not.

Headlines that focus on the minor bad thing that this legislation would address–annoying loud car sound systems–overlooks the far greater evil in its punishment–government seizure of private property for a small infraction.

Because I’m not so far from my youth to have forgotten how I would occasionally turn up my radio to probably inappropriate levels when a good song came on the radio. A ticket, I could have handled. Taking my car would have driven me to unemployment, as most of the places I lived in my twenties didn’t offer quick or convenient mass transit that could convey me twenty miles to my various places of underpaid employment.

Legislating to eliminate pet peeves by putting down their owners should never pass nor be considered seriously, but with 200 years of legislation and a thousand years of English common law behind them, our legislators have to make busy to citizens’ detriment.

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We’re Number Two?

Time to stop coddling the damn world if this is all the love we get in return:

Iran is the country most widely viewed as having a negative influence in the world, with the US in second place, a new poll for the BBC suggests.

The survey for the BBC World Service asked how 39,435 people in 33 nations across the globe saw various countries.

Freedom: The rest of the world views it negatively, who are we to think otherwise??

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Another Casualty from That Lockheed Martin Missile Plant

Skier Accused Of Punching Teen Snowboarder:

A man is charged with assault after he allegedly beat a female teenage snowboarder who crashed into his daughter at Steamboat Ski Area over the weekend.

The collision knocked both girls to the ground but neither were seriously injured.

Randell Berg, of Littleton [Colorado], saw the crash and yelled profanities at the teen as he allegedly punched her in the head and neck, Steamboat police said.

Or maybe it’s because of Bush or something. Please, Michael Moore, help me understand how this can take place in Colorado, that microcosm for America.

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There Ought To Be A Law – Amusing Cartoon, Bad Governing Philosophy

Back in the old days, the Milwaukee Journal ran a cartoon in its Green Sheet called “There Ought to Be a Law”, whose rejoinder/punchline “TOBAL.” followed annoying day to day situations. One would suspect that many the current generation of revered legislators steeped themselves in this comic strip instead of the Constitution, the Federalist papers, or even the watered-down civics books that public schools offer. For behold, the stupidest St. Louis aldermanic idea since peeing in a trash can: Big stereo could cost you your car

City police would be able to seize cars blasting loud music under an ordinance passed Friday by the Board of Aldermen.

The ordinance, which would take effect once signed by Mayor Francis Slay, prohibits the use and even installation of some enhanced speakers.

Hell, you only own your home at the leisure of the leisurely ruling class. Why not your cars, too? Instead of ticketing you, they’ll take your car. And what will they do with that seized car? Sell it at auction, no doubt.

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One Good Discharge Leads to Another

Some people were just born to work in fast food:

Then everyone’s attention turned to a woman in line – the one with a shredded sequined purse on the tile floor near her feet.

“She picked up her purse like it was some kind of disease,” explained Shelley White, the store manager on duty.

“I ain’t got no gun,” was the only thing the stranger told the crowd in the restaurant before gathering her purse and teenage daughter from a nearby booth and running out of the place about 1 p.m. Friday.

But she did have a gun, investigators said, apparently a low-quality one that discharged by accident when she dropped her purse.

She had a secret too, one that she might have kept had White not rushed to the window and called out the license number for a customer to jot down. The fleeing woman was an off-duty St. Louis police officer.

After the woman inadvertantly discharged a firearm, fled the scene, and threw the firearm out of her window on the interstate before she was caught, she resigned when the internal affairs department of her police department opened an investigation.

As someone who travels into the city almost daily, I would hope the city of St. Louis would weed these people out before they’re actually, you know, cops.

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Warrantless Searches in Waukesha

Waukesha County gives cash for trash: Selected homeowners given $100 for recycling:

Diane Penosky was tinkering in her garage when she heard someone – or something – picking through the family’s recycling bin outside.

Bruce and Diane Penosky of Summit carry cardboard and plastic bags to their vehicle to take to the recycling center. The couple were chosen as winners of a $100 cash reward as part of Waukesha County’s recycling program.

It turned out the intruder was neither a thief nor a critter, but a Waukesha County employee who was sizing up Penosky for a reward for being a good recycler: $100.

Waukesha County is believed to be the first government agency in southeastern Wisconsin to distribute a friendly bribe as a way of encouraging homeowners to recycle.

The government of Waukesha County has employees whose job entails rifling through your recycling to make sure you’re doing it properly:

Who gets Waukesha County’s cash rewards is a matter of luck.

Moving from community to community, county officials pick a street by throwing a dart at a map. Then they head to that street on curbside recycling day and make a winner of the first homeowner whose bin is found filled correctly.

It’s good that Waukesha County officials and employees have handled all of the city’s other business, eliminated crime, and has reduced taxes as much as possible to cover all the minimums. It’s just unfortunate that it spends all of its remaining effort and energy not on private enterprises of the individuals in the government, but on freaking going through citizens’ recycling by hand.

Because that would never be abused once citizens become accustomed to it.

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Guest Editorial

An editorial that could be coming soon from our legislators:

Meth Cooks Don’t Support Our New Bill, Either

And Although It Will Inconvenience You, Citizen, You Won’t Complain….Or Do You Have Something To Hide?

Meth cooks in America cannot be pleased about new legislation recently introduced in the Congress. They now know we have a new, better, more comprehensive plan to further cripple their ability to produce meth and to give law enforcement more tools, a workbench, and a buddy-who’s-handy-and-will-waste-his-whole-weekend-at-your-house-for-a-sixer-of-beer to bring them to justice.

I’ve held 16 photo opportunities around the state to discuss Missouri’s meth problem. Law enforcement agents of all stripes and also occasionally with spots, some with as many as 30 years’ experience, have told me this drug is the worst threat they have confronted in their careers since smack, PCP, cocaine, crack, ecstasy, whip-its, or if after March 2006, insert latest drug scourge here. It is by far the worst drug I have seen in my nearly 20 years in public life, but, as a Republican,I don’t get invited to the good parties.

Meth is highly addictive, highly destructive, highly high-making, highly toxic, and has high brand recognition amongst the news-consuming populace, which makes it more dangerous than other drugs because it gets the television coverage as dangerous. During the past decade, while law enforcement officers, in Promethean efforts, continue to bust record numbers of clandestine labs, meth use in communities has increased by as much as 300 percent. Unfortunately, this might lead some to believe that draconian laws aren’t effective; however, some would legislate that those laws are not draconian enough.

Incorporating the needs of our law enforcement community, I’ve introduced the Combat Meth Act II (Combat Mether) with Sen. Dianne Feinstein, a Democrat from California. Sen. Feinstein and I have the distinction of representing the legislature that leads the country in methamphetamine legislation production.

One of the most important features of our bill would make fire, an important ingredient to make meth, more inaccessible. Because fire is as a product or by-product of many appliances or other devices found in the household, meth cooks can purchase or ignite the ingredient in large enough quantities to make the drug. Our bill says that fire and fire-producing devices must be kept behind a store counter so that users cannot steal them without actually confronting a shopkeeper with a gun and perhaps leaving him in a pool of his own blood and that shopkeepers only sell fire-producing devices such as gas cook stoves, gas log fireplaces, automobiles with internal combustion engines, disposable or refillable cigarette lighters, kitchen or safety matches, magnifying glasses, or pairs of sticks to persons licensed to create fire.

After completing a fire safety course, passing a background check, and paying a nominal registration fee, licensed buyers can purchase up to 1 fire-building device within a 30 day period. Consumers would be required to present proof of identification and sign for the satellite RFID-equipped device upon purchase. This is without doubt a small burden for consumers, but law enforcement agents have told me it is the only way we can stop the meth cooks from poisoning our communities with this deadly drug. A couple of photogenic or at least camera-worthy Missourians know someone who has been hurt as a result of the meth epidemic. Keeping fire out of the hands of the common rabble will keep it out of our schools and neighborhoods.

Our bill is based on an Oklahoma law passed last year limiting the use of fire by the hoi-polloi. Since the law’s inception, meth lab seizures in Oklahoma have declined by about 80 percent, smoking declined 90 percent, arsons are down 70 percent, but salmonella and other undercooked meat illnesses are up substantially. Missouri’s Governor Matt Blunt is also pushing legislation in the state legislature that is based on the Oklahoma law.

In order to ensure that rural communities without licensing bureau access are not negatively impacted, our legislation provides for the Director of the Federal Drug Enforcement Administration to authorize others to act as Federally-Authorized Fire-Bringers so long as they follow the same procedure.

The Combat Meth Act Club Remix Edition also provides critical resources to local law enforcement, including an additional $30,000,000 under the ZEUS program to train state and local law enforcement to investigate and chain fire users to Mount Aetna so a giant eagle can pick at their livers. It also expands the methamphetamine “hot spots” program to include administrators, consultants, and meetings for enforcement, prosecution, and environmental clean-up, with actual funding for people who do things left to the next legislative session.

We also enhance the ability of local prosecutors to enlarge their fiefdoms by providing $5,000,000 to hire additional federal prosecutors, assistant prosecutors, and administrative staff to lobby for additional funds to hire additional federal prosecutors, assistant prosecutors, and administrative staff to lobby for additional funds to hire….well, you get the idea. The bill cross-designates local prosecutors who undergo this training as Special Assistant U.S. Attorneys, allowing them to enhance their resumes for future political careers, such as United States Senator.

The legislation provides $5,000,000 in grant funding to fund studies and staff to study and staff studies on how to spend money to help children affected by the spread of fire and other bedwetters. The funding would go to heavily-armed Drug Endangered Children rapid response teams to promote collaboration among federal, state, and local agencies to assist, educate, or arrest children affected by the production of methamphetamine or the use of unauthorized fire.

To help unauthorized fire users who want help, our bill authorizes the creation of a Fire Denial Research, Training, and Technical Assistance Center which will help people improve their self-esteem while they grow accustomed to the cold, the darkness, and a diet of raw vegetables.

Within days of its introduction, 17 senators co-sponsored the bill and Congressman Roy Blunt of Missouri introduced companion legislation in the U.S. House.

The expansion of methamphetamine production continues to put a severe strain on federal and local entities as law enforcement officials have more laws to enforce and limited budgets are spent on an ever-expanding list of programs. But let’s not get into that now. Fighting meth requires a comprehensive restrictive approach, where anything that anyone can do during the production of meth must be outlawed. The Combat Meth Reloaded Act is the most comprehensive anti-meth bill ever considered by Congress so far, but wait until next year.

After all, Senator Jim Talent, “R.” MO, wrote this one, didn’t he?

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Whither Osama?

A lot of thoughtful, or perhaps only mostly thoughtful, people turn the discussion of the latest Osama bin Laden tape into an indictment of the impotence of the American military or allude to a possible conspiracy involving either the capture of bin Laden or allowing bin Laden to remain free to serve as a boogie man to justify the overreach of a warmongering neoconservative president. Why can’t the greatest military on the planet find one man?

I have two words to rebut any conspiracy theory: Eric Robert Rudolph.

For those of you who don’t remember, Eric Robert Rudolph is the fellow who bombed the Atlanta Olympics in 1996. Law enforcement identified Eric Robert Rudolph as a suspect in an Alabama abortion clinic bombing on February 14, 1998. Rudolph went on the run and hid out on the fringes of a mountain town in North Carolina and was finally arrested on May 31, 2003.

Let’s dwell on that for a moment: From the time Rudolph was named as a suspect and the search began in earnest, 5 years, 3 months, and 17 days passed. The FBI was conducting its manhunts through the woods and mountains of North Carolina and the southeast, using local guides and local law enforcement when possible, to comb and canvas the area with vigor. An area within the boundaries of the United States, peopled with Americans.

The United States invaded Afghanistan in October 2001, at which point Osama bin Laden beat his retreat to Pakistan or wherever. Between then and now, 4 years and 3 months have elapsed, and the American military has not found him. For those paying any attention and trying to gain any perspective, bin Laden is rumored to be hiding on Pakistani soil. That is, he is not on ground controlled by American soldiers; indeed, the remote region where he’s supposed to be hiding (or have hidden until his death) is populated with people who don’t like Americans and wouldn’t help if they could (some, though, would say the same about Murphy, North Carolina, but it’s futile to try to talk with someone likes equate Christian fundamentalists with tribal Muslims in Pakistan).

The American military, and American law enforcement, are not omnipotent, no matter how loud the civil libertarians shriek about any advance in data-gathering or surveillance technology. Unfortunately, the American psyche believes them to be so. I think of it as the Star Trek effect: When we’re confronted with fictional representations (like 24 or Tom Clancy) of the military’s climactic successes, we tend to adjust our expectations to meet them. (I call it the Star Trek effect because science fiction has sometimes lulled us into not remembering how dangerous space flight really is currently.) If the military cannot pull bin Laden out of a cave after 42 minutes of prime time television, it’s failing….or it’s a cliffhanger leading to a suspenseful twist about the mole in the agency at the highest levels who is thwarting the effort or is misleading the American people.

We’re not so far from the world where Nazi fugitives hid for decades at the edges of the civilized world, and we’re not far at all from a world where a lone bomber in America can hide in the woods overlooking town for half a decade before a lucky break lands him in jail. Wherever Osama bin Laden is, if he’s alive, he’s still on the run, and if the American military and world law enforcement remains vigilant, we’ll catch him eating out of a Save-a-Lot dumpster sooner or later.

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When Nonfiction Writers Take Liberty

As much as I hate to admit it, I enjoyed Mark Morford’s column "I Wanna Be A Crackhead Author:
Hello, I am an ex-hooker heroin addict with AIDS who eats live puppies. Please read my book
". A taste:

I shall start my story humbly, meekly, just like JT LeRoy and James Frey. Small town, somewhere in Idaho or maybe rural Montana, brought up by a sadistic pedophiliac Pentecostal preacher father who only has one good arm and a decimated colon, and a narcoleptic mother with 17 cats who sucks down cases of Tab and reads the “Left Behind” books as nonfiction and who passes out every night in a Percocet haze watching endless reruns of “Knight Rider.”

Me and my two sadistic, ADD brothers will sneak off to the local zoo for days at a time and sleep with the monkeys and torture penguins with fireworks. I will suck on my first bong at age 4 and will be stone drunk by 7 and will regularly black out by age 10, but not before impregnating my pothead babysitter and stealing her credit card to buy a Game Boy and a small Cessna, which I will promptly fly all the way to Mexico before crashing into a tortilla factory and breaking my spine in 12 places and rupturing my kidneys, which I will pay a Mexican mafia doctor named Mannie 50 bucks to swap with black-market kidneys stolen from unwary tourists. Oh my yes. I can see it now.

It’s not exactly discouraged in college narrative nonfiction writing classes that you enhance your memories or history to make a better narrative that’s more gripping, illustrative, or humorous than the events that have actually happened to you.

Why, even I, your humble unreliable narrator have embellished certain things in my own essays to make a point. For example, I created this whole beautiful wife thing out of whole cloth, culminating in a fictional pregnancy to increase my traffic (or I have invented the invention of her to prove a point about embellishing–sorry if this paradox has caused unKirkian patched PCs to shut down and free the Enterprise crew and Harry Mudd).

The key, though, is to know a limit between embellishing and fabricating. In one, you’re exaggerating for effect something that really happened, and in the other, you’re exaggerating for effect something that didn’t really happen.

I only hope that I know the line. If not, I hope to be very celebrated and successful with my undiscovered deception.

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Conan O’Brien Skirts McCain-Feingold Campaign Finance Reform

By making fun of the elections in Finland:

Finland’s president finds her traditional support among women and the Social Democratic Party base, but lately to the surprise of many Finns — and her opponents in Sunday’s election — she has gotten an endorsement of a different sort.

The redheaded late-night talk show host Conan O’Brien has been promoting President Tarja Halonen’s re-election bid as part of a long-running joke about their supposed physical similarities.

“Why do I support Tarja Halonen? Because she’s got the total package: a dynamic personality, a quick mind, and most importantly — my good looks,” the comedian, whose show is broadcast on cable in Finland, said in a statement to The Associated Press.

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Another Trauma for Brett Favre

Man accused of using credit card of star NFL quarterback:

Phoenix man was arrested Thursday after allegedly using a credit card account belonging to Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre more than 40 times, authorities said.

Some Green Bay fans will go to extraordinary measures to ensure that Favre does not retire, including ensuring that he needs the paycheck to pay his credit card bills.

Doubtlessly, radio call-in shows in Wisconsin are now figuring this into their calculations about whether he will return next year.

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British Camera Surveillance Confirms No Explosives On Naked Woman

Another camera-based security triumph in Great Britain: Peeping tom CCTV workers jailed:

Two council CCTV camera operators have been jailed for spying on a naked woman in her own home.

Mark Summerton and Kevin Judge, from Sefton Council, Merseyside, trained a street camera into the woman’s flat.

Good on the bobbies for ensuring the boobies were natural and not semtex implants.

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Now Appearing In The Rob McCormick Fiesta Room

Lohan, Moss’ pole dance at topless bar:

New B.F.F.’s Lindsay Lohan and Kate Moss shook things up at New York’s Scores strip club in the wee hours of yesterday morning putting on a bump-and-grind pole-dancing session for the club’s 400 shocked patrons, reports the New York Post’s gossip column ‘Page Six.’

Lohan, Moss and a few of their female friends descended upon the topless club just before 3:00 a.m. and went directly into the club’s famous Champagne Room, where the group downed a number of vodka shots, raspberry Kamikazes and beer and were treated to plenty of lapdances from the strippers that surrounded their table.

As other Savvis investors remember, this is where Rob McCormick spent $240,000, prompting his ouster as the CEO of the plucky little ISP that couldn’t quite.

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Criminals, Regardless of Their Status, Must Not Be Treated As Criminals

Mexico Demands U.S. Allow More Immigration:

Diplomats from Mexico and Central America on Monday demanded guest worker programs and the legalization of undocumented migrants in the United States, while criticizing a U.S. proposal for tougher border enforcement.

Meeting in Mexico’s capital, the regional officials pledged to do more to fight migrant trafficking, but indirectly condemned a U.S. bill that would make illegal entry a felony and extend border walls.

“Migrants, regardless of their migratory status, should not be treated like criminals,” they said.

No doubt, the undocumented workers and migrants within our country would elect you to be our leaders. Too bad we’re a soveriegn country whose actual citizens get to elect our own feckless leaders.

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That’s Why I Read Cosmopolitan

Muslim bashing seemingly in vogue:

What in the world do dietary supplements have to do with turbans and terrorism?

That political head-scratcher confronted at least some vitamin buyers around the nation who found a flier with their mail-order nutrients carrying the bold headline, “Get a Turban for Durbin!”

An image shows Sen. Dick Durbin, D-Illinois, wearing the headwrap, common in parts of the Middle East and south Asia and sacred religious garb in some faiths, including the entire Sikh religion.

The flier’s kicker: “Keep Congressional Terrorists At Bay.” The flier was distributed last month by a pro-vitamin and supplement group.

Critics say the flier is yet another example of Muslim bashing. The designer of the flier, who has since pulled it, admits that it was over the line but said he put it out to draw attention to what he thinks is improper action by Durbin.

Got that, America? According to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, a cheap mimeographed flier from some unnamed vitamin and dietary supplier represents trend-setting political and social thought.

When it’s convenient for driving “news” articles into the well-traveled, predetermined concourses of thought.

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