Alcoholic Arithematic

Newcastle beers will will soon carry this warning label:

Responsible drinkers don’t exceed three to four units a day for men and two to three for women.

The key word is and, which indicates addition, so responsible drinkers won’t drink more than three to four and two to three which is five to seven teetotal.

Cripes, I wish someone had read this story to me aloud, because I’d prefer the misconception of Responsible drinkers don’t exceed 324 units a day for men….

Some Good Things Just Don’t Go Together

Just like sex and a Sunday afternoon in late November, where the temperature hovers around twenty degrees in the sun, at Lambeau Field watching the Green Bay Packers and God’s Gift to Wisconsin Brett Favre throw for a couple of touchdowns with two or fewer interceptions, some things that are good individually don’t combine to make something better.

Just like caffeinated ginseng beer.

In a word: Ew.

Drink of the Day

The drink of the day at the Lonestar Steakhouse where I and some of my coworkers dined today featured as its drink of the day:

The Oil Baron Rita

Perhaps I look back too romantically to that time of laissez-faire, but I really don’t picture J. Paul sucking or any of the Texas wildcatters who made it big sitting around the pool, sucking down margaritas that were an unholy and unnatural neon or DayGlo color. Not unless the main ingredient was whiskey, and it got its color from more whiskey.

No, sir, I think a real Oil Baron Rita would be a spicy Mexicana who the baron kept on the side, and if you had her, the oil baron would have his boys convince you of the error of your ways.

Neil Steinberg’s Friend: Someone You Should Know

From Neil Steinberg’s Wednesday column:

“Fourteen days without alcohol,” said my racquetball buddy proudly as we toweled off in the gym.

“Wow,” I said, genuinely impressed, trying to imagine a fortnight unlubricated, “that’s impressive.”

“Well,” he said, a little abashed, “not consecutively.”

The only salvageable part of the column, but one must seek the whiskey in the Amaretto sour sometimes.

Saturday Morning Musings

As it’s the beginning of the first weekend of a vacation, and a warm, clear summer day, a young man’s thoughts and stirrings within his heart naturally awaken his yearning to embrace his most sacred love: beer.

Cripes, I am sleeping on the couch tonight for that intro, I know.

So think upon these things, friends:

  • While discussing free trade or something important in the New York Times, Virginia Postrel points out:

    “The U.S. used to import coffee from around 25 countries,” says David E. Weinstein, an economist at Columbia University. “Now we import it from 52 countries. Beer we import from three times more countries than we used to.

    Viva laissez-faire, if you can still pronounce it this late in the day.

  • Via Fark, we see this little story: Ain’t the beer classy:

    At Detroit’s four-star Opus One last month, eager diners paid $55 apiece for an evening of fine food with fine libations. Six bulbous wineglasses stood by their plates. Waiters waltzed by and poured from . . . pitchers of beer? Indeed, dinner began with a cold shrimp and crab crostini, served with an English mild ale, and ended with caramel cappuccino cheesecake, accompanied by a British favorite, dry stout.

    Beer wants to be the next wine. Not the boys at Budweiser but local brewers. These beer artisans will never be able to compete with Bud at football games. But they might stand a chance as an alternative to wine with dinner.

Call me a traditionalist, but beer really only truly augments three meals: wings, pizza, and chicken. Granted, it goes well with anything, or nothing, but if you were to ask me, “Brian, what beer goes best with brined chicken with cilantro garnish?” I would answer, “Lots.”

Ravenwood Is No Moderate

Say what you will about the man’s politics, but Ravenwood is no moderate:

I usually preach moderation, but not when moderate is 2 drinks a day? (Only a pint and a half of beer.) My definition of moderation is enjoying something not into excess. As long as I’m not getting drunk every night, missing work, or delinquent on my bills, I don’t see the problem. I can stop at any time, and usually about once per year, go an entire month without drinking. (Just to prove I still can.) Besides, I’d rather live fast and die young than lead a long, boring, long, dull, long life.

I’m with you, man: Aristotle was such a sell-out.

Health Update

Via Fark (of course), we have this important health update: Guinness is good for you.

Yes, Guinness apparently, according to certain resarch:

  • Helps prevent heart disease; since my family has a history of heart disease, I better up my dosage just to be safe.
  • Is an important source of vitamin B, which has suddenly gained importance for its rationalization benefits.
  • Has less carbs than other beers. It also has less carbs than eating a whole confetti cake each night, and since I have to do one or the other….
  • Contains less alcohol by volume than other beers, which means I can drink more without forgetting where the bottle opener is.

Unfortunately, the article also contains disturbing news:

It’s a favorite of Bono (obviously), Madonna (with a good cigar) and Matt Damon (no, Guinness does not make teeth unnaturally white).

Even given these side effects, we at MfBJN recommend a healthy daily supplement.