Category: Headlines

Pregnant Ohio woman’s body found stuff inside plastic bin leading to the arrest of two men

What stuff?

Matty Healy comforts crying mom outside LA restaurant after Taylor Swift jab

Especially if she gets her full body into it; that will give you something to cry about.

In related news, which is unrelated actually but is a funny story: My son and I re-certified for CPR two weeks ago, and we brought along my beautiful wife so she could also get a pretty little AHA card for her overstuffed wallet.

The captain in charge and the fireman assisting asserted we should lock our elbows and rock to get the full body into quality compressions on the adult mannikin. Then, they brought out infant-sized mannikins for us to practice little two-finger compressions. And when it came time to do the bit on a choking baby, it was two-fingered modified Heimlichs and pats on the back.

When it came time to try them on the mannikin, my black-belt-havin’ wife apparently gave the little mannikin a full martial arts palm strike on it that caused the mannikin to eject the electronic parts that light up to give feedback on your CPR compressions. They clattered to the floor at the feet of the captain, and she said, “Should I not put my hip into it?”

She passed, of course, as she was the only one in the class (and perhaps ever) to make the baby actually cough up anything.

Record-Sized Comet Seen Belching Jets From Surface as It Heads Our Way

C’mon, man, what kind of record? 12″ LP? A 45rpm single? A 78rpm disc?

There are different sized records, you know.

(Link via Instapundit.)

Shannon County, Mo., woman saves baby wild horse stuck in the woods

Maybe vocabulary scientists should develop a single word to capture the concept of baby horse.

I hammer on and on about this, but:

The state of Missouri does not have a Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV).

License offices are independently operated, often by charitable organizations, and all licensing fees go to the state’s Department of Revenue.

“DMV” comes from the pop culture, where it’s slang for the kind of thing Missouri license offices handle, presumably prevalent in California and/or New York, where movies and television shows have been made historically.

I have to be pedantic, since so much in the news just ain’t so.

Cardinals set date for Pope Francis’ public viewing and funeral

With the Bucks and the Blues down in their playoff races, one’s heart turns to baseball. How are the Redbirds doing? Oh. One’s heart turns to football?

I’m not sure if it was a human or a Large Language Model (LLM, not Intelligence) that wrote the initial headline this morning with the word “reigns” instead of “reins.”

I’m not sure if it was a human or a Large Language Model that corrected the headline since.

Does it even matter?

Chocolate recall upgraded to highest risk level: Consumption ‘could cause death’

Oh, noes! Poisonous chocolate beans? How could this happen?

Federal officials have upgraded a chocolate recall to the highest risk level over fears consuming the product could “cause serious adverse health consequences or death.”

Three products from Cal Yee Farm – Dark Chocolate Almonds, Dark Chocolate Apricots and Dark Chocolate Walnuts – have been given a Class 1 classification for containing undeclared milk, according to the FDA.

In other words, take them back if you have a milk allergy.

They are not likely to catch fire in your esophagus or anything.

UPDATE: Sarah Hoyt posted about this at Instapundit this morning, but I’d scheduled this post yesterday afternoon, so I didn’t forget a hat tip. Our snark is pretty similar, though.

Lindsey Graham, a top Trump ally, says pardoning Capitol attackers sends ‘the wrong signal’

I am not sure who but Lindsey Graham (and perhaps journalists who are either uninformed and not very attentive or who have their own reasons for making this assertion) would call him an ally of Trump at all.

Missouri State High School Athletics Association awards Ozark baseball championships through 2031.

Akshually, by clicking through, I guess I see that they mean is that “mishuh” has determined where the games will be played, not which schools will win.

But, c’mon, man, this is the Internet, and we’re cynical and conspiracy-generating, so we have to ask or did they?

Yahoo Mail down worldwide as users rage over email app crashes

Up until recently, my Sam’s Club membership was tied to my Yahoo! email address from 25 years ago. I guess I could get into it if I really wanted to–if they haven’t turned it off as they oft threatened–but I did not tend to get anything but junk, and a couple years’ worth of junk is too much to sift through looking for something that might have been a real email.

When making the film of the story Mangled alligator corpses keep popping up in a Florida canal — and state officials have no idea why, you can use either one, or both, of the ideas from the title above.

Me, I’m sticking with freshwater cocaine sharks.

‘Cocaine sharks’ throng Brazilian waters as drug enters ecosystem

It could only be more Brazilian if somehow the word throng were replaced with thong.

Compromisation.

The Internet says it is a word based on a single usage of it on a blog somewhere, sometime, referring to making a compromise, not in the sense of a computer system security incident.

And now the AIs of the world are making it happen.

Mystery as California firefighters find two dead bodies inside ‘human-dug cave’ surrounded by ‘white powder’

These brave adventurers gave their own lives to dig a burrow for the chthonic demon and lured it in with themselves as bait before completing the protective circle to trap it (and them) forever, saving the world, and authorities don’t recognize it for what it is and loose the demon again as part of their “investigation”? Or are they serving their Dark Lord the Molevolent?

Reading the article:

Meh, drugs. Never mind.

The world in my head is so much more interesting than reality.

Biden urges Congress to pass Ukraine aid package while expressing openness to Mexico border changes

To be honest, I wonder if the next war that the United States is involved in is the 2nd Mexican-American War.

The life and work of James Luther Heckenlively, one of Springfield’s most prolific architects

Heckenlively. I would not make that name up for a test user or a fictional character. But there it is.

If that’s not what the story is about, I don’t want to know what it is about.

Eating two servings of red meat increases risk of diabetes: study

Although after seeing this headline yesterday, I had planned to buy some beef for dinner, but then I remembered that my beautiful wife had mentioned a hankering for pork chops earlier in the week. So I brought home pork chops to grill instead of steaks. But not because a headline steered me away. Because I love to please my wife. And we traditionally have steaks on Fridays.

I thought it was a meme, but maybe not:

Wyndham Clark celebrates US Open win with girlfriend Alicia

Maybe they met working at one of the resort chain’s boiler rooms call centers. We actually have one or more of them here in Springfield.