Category: Cats

At great danger to himself, Chuq at Teal Sunglasses has posted the long-hidden rules for cats.

Now that we know them, though, we can expect the cats to change the rules.

(Link seen on BucciBlog.)

They hate you.

Remember, ergonomics are important. Fortunately, Ajax helps me maintain proper wrist angle:

Obviously, if a glass of milk appears underneath Ajax’s new sunlamp, it’s milk for Ajax:

If I ever develop osteoporosis, you’ll know why:

1. The cats drank all my milk.
2. Too much exposure to felinogen induced menopause in what looked like a healthy human male.

Ajax contributes to the effort to make Jeracor a paperless office:

Or perhaps he’s merely contributing to a paper-jammed office.

A Monday morning greeting from Tristan:

I think he’s taunting us.

If only we put a kitty door on the shower enclosure, Ajax would not have to go over the top when he wants to take his daily shower:

Click for AUS (Ajax of Unusual Size)

Life is going to be a lot more interesting when he gets older and starts crashing into things as he tries to make those gravity-defying leaps to the highest points he can find.

To keep up with all the cool blogs, I am going to have a guest blogger fill in for those days when I can’t think of anything snarky-but-ultimately-forgettable to say. I mean, when I am too busy with a real life to blog.

Ladies, well, okay, Heather and her mom, and gentlemen, which is to say El Guapo, Cagey, Darbo, and that one dude from BellSouth.net, here is your new guest blogger, Ajax:

Click for super size

Expect a lot of hard-hitting posts regarding the infrequency of Fancy Feast, the immaturity of those mean birds who tauntingly flit around outside the window but don’t dare come in the house, and the inadequacies of the other cats.

The Threepenny Review offers a moving poem entitled “A Cat’s Last Summer” by Michael Hamburger.

Read it and pet your own cat(s) if you have them.

A special thanks to Cagey for sharing the Ford SportKa commercial wherein the cat meets the evil twin of the Ka.

I foolishly mentioned it to my beautiful wife. Can I sleep on your couch tonight?

In a piece on Slate, the appropriately-named Jon Katz muses on the difference between calling people “pet owners” instead of “companion animal guardians.” The cookie quote:

My IDA packet contained a testimonial from a Michael Mountain of the Best Friends Animal Sanctuary. “People of other genders, races and even age groups were once treated as property in this country,” Mountain wrote. “Now, it is time for ‘people’ of other species to be accorded the same simple dignity of being recognized, not as someone else’s property but as beings in their own right.”

Mountain couldn’t have made the point more dramatically—or offensively. I don’t care to jump in with a moral value system that equates my beloved border collies with human slaves. Nothing about this comparison helps animals. It distorts their true natures and diminishes ours.

I will be “guardian” to the fourteen four cats that live here when they start paying the guardian rate. Freeloading entitles you to possession status. Keep that in mind, brother, if you ever find yourself down on your luck and needing a place to crash.

Kelley at Suburban Blight has a kitty cat. It looks a lot like my kitty Dominique.

It takes a lot of investment in time and effort to make a cat that mean. It’s good that someone’s been recognized.

Oh no, I am cat blogging, aren’t I?

This explains why Heather’s sultry babe and I am an unshaven slob barricading himself in his office.

It’s those five four cats.

Ajax could take on this little punk of an ocicat with the sissy name of Tom Tom.

Ajax bears the name of a mighty Greek warrior, who only near the end of his career went nuts. Tom Tom, on the other hand, is named after a little hippie drum. Advantage : AJAX!

Japanese inventors are going to sell a device that translates cat meows into words, based upon the pitch, timbre, tambre, and who knows what else. Great. This technological innovation nearly matches the inclusion of the big, hairy string on their backs that you can pull to hear them make a noise.

As a cat owner myself, I can honestly say I don’t care what they mean when they meow. I imagine it’s usually the same pitiful meowing about their own quest for permahomeostasis and the shortcomings of the current stimuli in their environment. Kind of like talking to me during core business hours.

Besides, the cat doesn’t give a schnuck about what I am saying at any given time, so I afford it the same courtesy.

(There, that should be enough cover so that my esteemed spouse would never expect it for Christmas.)

• Brian does!
• Bob Rybarczyk’s lawn might.
• You can, too, when you order some from Pets Or Food.com