The Devil You Know

Oh, sure, some tech snobs liken Bill Gates and Microsoft to The Devil and the AntiChrist, but face it, you pasty-legged, Macintosh-huffing zone dweebie, when Steve Jobs introduces the iPodPeople, a music player with the ability to download music, photos, OnStar service, debit card, and other software protected by GUID and DRM which you can implant directly into your freaking head, you’ll line up around the block for the outpatient surgery.

And feel good that you’re helping overturn the Microsoft hegemony.

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Book Report: American Diplomacy 1900-1950 by George F. Kennan (1960)

I read this book, its ninth printing from 1960, starting in February. I got bogged down around the time where Mr. Kennan began discussing what to do about the Soviet Union since I know how it turned out, but I buckled down and finished it last week.

The book starts with a brief recap of some of America’s oversights and missteps in foreign policy in the first half of the twentieth century, including the Spanish American War, missteps in China and the Orient (which is what they called Asia until 1960 or so), World War I, and World War II. It also proffers some plans for how to deal with the Soviet Union, including a brief history of Russian communism and its relationship to the native population.

Wow, it’s an intelligent book written by someone with a slightly different point of view, but I never felt like throwing the book. Perhaps I’ve spent too much time in the contemporary slums of political thought, but at no point did Kennan offend me with his politics. He explains his logic and frames his arguments on historical fact and his interpretation of him. One suspects one could have a discussion about the policies of containment versus confrontation without raising one’s voice–or maybe one could, if one remembered how gentlemen did it.

However, as a lifelong diplomat (and future ambassador to the Soviet Union), Kennan’s approach sees diplomacy as the end-all, be-all of international relations. As such, he would prefer that military force only be used at the behest of the diplomats and only as a sort of mailed-gauntlet slap at an international cocktail party. Undoubtedly, he would fit into the sort of philosophy that perplexes Mark Helprin:

If you must go to war, do not do so hesitantly, with half a heart.

Instead, the stiffening of sinews and making like tigers might offend Kennan’s sensibilities or protocols of restraint, but that’s the nature of war. It is a last resort, it is very bad, and it must be prosecuted to its end.

Kennan argues passionately for engagement and containment with the Soviet Union, which ultimately worked to end communism. However, one must ask upon reviewing Kennan’s lessons from this book, originally a series of lectures, can we apply these lessons and these techniques to current rivals or enemies–China and non-stated organizations formed around radical Islam and other aggrieved groups. I would hesitate in trying, for the Soviet Union was a Western power, based in Western thought and philosophy, which we can easily understand. Modern and future opponents are not.

Oh, and if you’re wondering, I bought the book for a quarter at some yard sale or estate sale in the midterm past (probably after 2000). Occasionally I do try to elevate myself through reading, and this book helped.

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Government Entities, Claiming Poverty, Spend Money in Attempt to Get More Money

Schools fear ‘tax giveaway’:

“This is so complicated that a lot of people will not get it,” said Patrick Lanane, assistant superintendent and chief financial officer for the Lindbergh School District in St. Louis County.

“Be careful, be quick or you will miss one of the most important tax giveaways that will happen in a person’s lifetime,” Lanane said. He and others believe that some outstate school districts are getting far more state aid than they deserve.

Thank you, Mr. Lanane, for looking out for the interests of taxpayers. No, wait, pardon my while cynicism realism settles in: You’re not afraid that these other school districts are getting too much; you’re afraid that your district isn’t getting as much as you think it deserves.

But never fear, our government officials are on the case:

School and business leaders in the St. Louis region feel so strongly that they have begun a campaign to raise $100,000 to pay for studies of the accuracy of assessments in 10 counties, said Glenn Koenen, of the West County Chamber of Commerce. The studies would be completed early next year.

Raising that money to educate students? You forget the purpose of government, citizen, which is to get more money for government, even if it’s from a higher government and its gains are at the expense of other governments in outstate Missouri.

(Link submitted to the Outside the Beltway Traffic Jam.)

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Monday Morning Reading

The Six Dumbest Ideas in Computer Security

To which I would add a seventh: Biometric identifiers. Sure, it does price some timid criminals out of the market of cybercrime, but it also increases the risk to the innocent or the protected. After all, whereas the serious criminal who really, really wants to get in only had to guess your passwords and PINs, now he or she needs your body part.

(Link seen on /..)

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Cheaper Than Eminent Domain

Look out, Crestwood: a private consultant hired by the city has told the city that it has to renovate a privately-owned mall or lose tax revenue. Of course, he couched it in waivers and wherefores, but what do you think the local government heard?

While he proposes redevelopment, Melaniphy [the consultant] doesn’t advise Crestwood on whether the city should use public funds for the project. That’s something the city and Westfield will have to iron out, he said.

“If financial assistance can be used to keep a Macy’s or a big anchor store, the board should at least listen and see if we can accommodate that,” Robinson [Crestwood’s Mayor] said.

Translation: The government should use tax dollars to ensure that it continues receiving tax dollars. Serve the citizens? No, modern government serves itself first.

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SPAMIS Update

SPAMIS, that Microsoft-hating, anti-spam group whose very mention has brought most of my traffic (Google-driven as it may be), has issued another communique, an unsolicited e-mail message which concludes:

    [SPAMIS NOTIFICATION]: 
    Fully "READY" to Begin Increasing Public Service Announcement
    Emails to 20 Times the Amount of Internet Users by 25 Times the 
    Current Sending Rate & Speed When a Certain Activity Transpires.  
    [CURRENTLY IN WAITING FOR THIS ACTIVITY TO TRANSPIRE]

Of course, as I’ve read too many mystery novels and have watched my share of film noir, I automatically assume that the means something of extortion, but perhaps I am simplistic in thinking that perhaps this SPAMIS group is threatening to send MORE SPAM unless Microsoft comes through with….???

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Real World a Harsh Mistress

Perhaps the striking Northwest mechanics should contemplate crawling back to their wife and begging her forgiveness:

David Pounds, a 22-year mechanic, said he was thinking of changing careers, maybe selling cars. He’s had job interviews, but hasn’t had any offers.

“People are reluctant to hire a guy on strike,” he said.

He has also had trouble finding a job that pays as much. Union mechanics made $70,000 a year on average. “The last company I interviewed with, the compensation was a joke,” Pounds said.

The last company he interviewed with was probably not relying on government handouts to remain almost solvent, but that’s unrelated, no doubt.

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Like a Star Putting On Sunglasses

Nuke Reactors on Campuses Keep Low Profile:

For University of Missouri tailgaters, the name of the new parking lot down the hill from Memorial Stadium is little more than a curiosity: Reactor Field, a nod to the nearby nuclear research reactor.

The nation’s largest university-based reactor keeps an intentionally low local profile, despite its cutting-edge research into promising cancer drugs.

Nothing says “incognito” like naming a facility used by thousands of unknowledgeable, transient sports fans after the “low profile” nuclear reactor which is plainly visible from Providence (name of road redacted for security reasons).

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Hopefully, This Means Layoffs

Katrina could cost 400,000 jobs: CBO:

The damage from Hurricane Katrina could include up to 400,000 lost jobs and slower U.S. growth, a congressional report said on Wednesday, as President George W. Bush sought $51.8 billion in fresh aid for the disaster zone.

If the Congressional Budget Office is so sure of the number, perhaps that’s the number the Federal government plans to lay off.

Otherwise, they’re just pulling smoke out of their arse.

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Campaign Finance for the Unreformed – Germany

Here’s one of the other things you get when government pays for political advertising:

A fringe German anarchist party has outraged national television audiences with its election campaign television spot — a video montage of booze-fuelled chaos, syringes and men cavorting with topless women.

Rather than offer any presentation of policies, the party’s campaign spot spliced together scenes of debauched revellers smashing furniture, pouring beer down each other’s throats and groups of couples kissing and groping each other, all set to a frantic heavy metal soundtrack.

As an officially registered political party, the Hamburg-based APPD, which sells t-shirts on its Web site that proclaim “Arbeit ist Scheisse” (“work is shit”), is entitled to free television air time for its advertisements.

Of course this group is approved. Although embarrassing, it is no real threat to the established order. Anything else simply isn’t government-approved.

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Book Report: The World’s Best Dirty Jokes by Mr. “J” (1976, 1979)

If future archeologists unearth a copy of this tome, they will undoubtedly think that the 1970s were a repressed period. I mean, this book collects some jokes that might have been considered dirty circa 1948, but in the 1970s, mildly off color words weren’t shocking enough to cause startled laughter in joke listeners, much less joke readers.

This book was originally published in 1976, but I purchased a special 1979 printing at the YMCA for a buck. Let that be your guide. I bought it at a fundraiser at the Young Man’s Christian Association in 2005. Jeez, I knew better dirty jokes in 1979, and I was in elementary school.

It’s hard to belive that only a couple of years later, local radio personality Frank O. Pinion released the definitive dirty joke book–which I read surrepitiously during my middle school years. The book featured the famous Willy Nelson joke, which I remember and can recite to this day. But the contents of this book–The World’s Best Dirty Jokes, I remind you, gentle reader–I have already forgotten.

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The Certainty of Leadership

Nothing is as comforting as the certainty of leaders. For example, we can cull the following list from the story entitled Roundabouts are coming – and traffic flow may never be the same:

  • city officials say
  • officials believe
  • traffic engineers say
  • They are definitely gaining in popularity,” said Larry Hagen of the Center for Urban Transportation Research at the University of South Florida.
  • The proliferation of roundabouts could do more than ease traffic congestion, some hope.
  • proponents say
  • some roundabout advocates hope
  • “I’d like to see us go like France,” Russell said. “They’ve got about 25,000 now.”

But perhaps I too-easily mock leadership. After all, there’s some definitive certainty in the article:

Columbus Circle, built in New York City in 1904, is considered the country’s first traffic circle, and was followed by hundreds more, mostly in the northeast, Russell said. Now, in some parts of the northeast, transportation officials are working to get rid of the circles and replace them with signalized intersections or updated roundabouts.

“We’re currently initiating a program where we’re attempting to eliminate as many as possible,” said Brendan Gill, a spokesman for the New Jersey Department of Transportation. “Essentially, they’re antiquated. They’re not built to handle the volume of traffic we’re currently handling.”

But it’s hard to blur and soften the edges of those sentiments, wot?

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Book Report: The Power of Judyism by Judy Tenuta (1991)

I bought this book at the Carondolet YMCA book fair. I spent a $1.00 on it, but I justified it on these factors:

  • It’s a stated first edition.
  • It’s a signed stated first edition, with the inscription “To Stevie – My favorite stud-puppy–bend over! Love, Judy Tenuta”.
  • In the late 1980s, I thought Judy Tenuta was kinda hot.

So I picked this book as my most recent nonfiction reading material. It’s 212 pages, but those pages make judicious use of white space, drawings, and photography that proved that Judy Tenuta was kinda hot in 1991, in a disturbed sort of way. Hey, I was in my late teens. Disturbed but hot would continue to feed my tastes for another half decade yet. She’s also got another luminary of the era, Emo Phillips, in some of the photos. Hey, where did he go? You know, I thought he had a cult following when I was clicking through Hot or Not profiles and saw a lot of chicks born in 1985 continued to appreciate emo. But I digress.

The book, coupled with the last book by a comedienne I thought was hot in 1990 (Rita Rudner, Naked Beneath My Clothes), defines the difference between humor and shtick. Judy Tenuta, with her Love Goddess persona and accordion, represent one, and Rita Rudner, with her musings on life and pointed pauses with lips pursed, represents the other. One translates well to books, and the other doesn’t. One ages well, and one does not–I cannot imagine Judy Tenuta running around with the same observations and act now that she’s about to trip 50; however, Ms. Rudner can continue with her observations and pursed lips without missing a beat.

I also thought Judy Tenuta was kinda amusing ca. 1990, too, but come to think of it, I don’t know I ever saw any extended performance. I think I saw some promos for MTV or VH1 featuring her, but no specials. Otherwise I might have skipped this particular purchase, which depicts how one should worship her and participate in her religion, Judyism. She inserts observations and jokes about commoners and celebrities as they relate to her, but ultimately, it’s only one note played on a variety of instruments and called a symponme.

Not to say that the book was totally meritless, as its value as an artifact of history and my personal life (remember 1991 B.C.–before Clinton?). Still, nothing in the book made me laugh out loud or really chuckle. I didn’t rush to my beautiful wife to tell her what Tenuta said. Nor, probably, will I ever. But she was kinda hot in 1990. For someone almost my mother’s age.

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He Had Five Years To Prepare

Hillary Clinton: “This time, you won’t get away with only having been in office for eight months, Mr. President.

With many blaming the growing scope of Katrina’s devastation on the Bush administration, Sen. Hillary Clinton called yesterday for a 9/11-style probe into how the federal government responded to the crisis.

“It has become increasingly evident that our nation was not prepared,” Clinton (D-N.Y.) said in a letter to Bush asking him to set up a “Katrina Commission.”

“The slow pace of relief efforts in the face of a mounting death toll … seems to confirm that our ability to respond to cataclysmic disasters has not been adequately addressed,” she said.

On the other hand, if she does become president, imagine the fun her opponents will have when conducting “non-partisan” commission-based and tax-wasting inquiries like the one she proposes here.

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