The Water Wars Begin

Nixon to Kansas: Don’t take Missouri River water:

Missouri Gov. Jay Nixon said diverting Missouri River water to Kansas would be “ill-advised” and urged the state to reconsider studying its feasibility.

In a letter sent Thursday to Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback, Nixon criticized a proposal to build a 360-mile aqueduct that would reroute as much as 4 million acre feet of Missouri River water to western Kansas to help support irrigated farming of corn and other crops. Water officials have expressed concerns that the current use of the Ogallala Aquifer to support agriculture is unsustainable.

You might think it’s nothing, but I’m sure the Missourians and the Kansans are raring to have it out again, and this is just a pretext.

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20 Years Later, I Suppose It Makes Sense To Be Confused

So I heard “One of Us” on the radio, the 1995 hit from Joan Osborne, and I immediately had a mental image of a nose ring linked to an earring and hair that was spiked tall on top and long braids down.

Does that look like Joan Osborne to you? Take a look.

Then I remembered, no, you old fool, you’re thinking of Jane Child who looks like that.

You can see why I would be confused briefly:

  • I’m an old man.
  • Joan/Jane
  • One major hit each.
  • Nose rings.

And to be honest, I don’t really like either of the songs. But I didn’t change the station when it came on. “Don’t Want To Fall In Love”, on the other hand, isn’t getting a lot of radio play 23 years later. “One of Us” isn’t, either, except for the silly “We’re playing our complete playlist in alphabetical order!” thing that one of the radio stations is currently running.

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An Interesting Turn of Phrase

Sorry I’m late to this one, but I’m often behind in paper periodical reading. From the May 27 copy of Forbes, in an article called “More Telcos Launch 1 Gbps Internet In Google Fiber’s Afterglow“:

In the dry, northern district of downtown Omaha, scores of technology entrepreneurs and creatives are hunched in front of their computers in what was once an abandoned furniture factory. They come to the Mastercraft building for space the size of nearly three football fields.

Soon they’ll come for the blistering Internet speed, too.

On May 6 Omaha became the latest rural American city to get an Internet speed of one gigabit per second, or 100 times faster than the U.S. average.

So. A city is a large group of people together. A rural area is not many people far apart. What is a rural city?

One of those small, backward cities on the interior of the continent, no doubt. Where they’re not really cities because they don’t have rail urban transportation of one sort or another or good sushi restaurants (in the writer’s estimation, even though the writer might never have been in a rural city looking for it).

Strangely enough, one senses a rural city is not considered a real city, contrasting with the government estimation that small towns are urban areas.

UPDATE: Thanks for the link, Ms. K.

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Inadvertantly Boyish

So I’ve been sporting a Van Dykish bit of facial hair for the last year and a half or so because that’s what IT professionals do in Missouri. Also, that’s what a lot of other people do in the Ozarks. However.

But trimming last week, I broke the guide on my little $10 grooming tool. It was a little trimmer with a plastic guide that snapped on and had a couple of settings for beard lengths. One of the little pegs that gripped the notches in the side of the trimmer snapped off as I was putting it back on after cleaning it, so it became useless except for cutting facial hair close enough to shave off. I’d just put new batteries in it, too.

So I picked up a $14 unit at the department store. This one was a little snazzier, with a dial that controlled a clipper that does not come off. Also, it’s hard to see exactly where the guide is in relation to the clippers as they lie askew the device and the guide is, as I mentioned, affixed to the device.

I set the thing to its second lowest setting–I’d used the lowest setting on my previous trimmer, and I took a pass, and….

Apparently, 2 is the hipster setting. It mowed the facial hair to the level of stubble.

I can only imagine what the lowest setting is. 600 grit sandpaper, perhaps.

Given that the trimmer had mostly eradicated my beard, I took the razor and finished it off.

And suddenly, I’m startling myself every time I look in the mirror.

I don’t know if I’ll go bare-faced for long, or if I’ll miss the facial hair and slowly grow it back and see if the new facial hair trimmer has any setting that allows me to have facial hair.

But I do know one thing: I look younger, strangely. Probably because I didn’t grow facial hair until my late 30s and think I look like the pictures from my youth. But for a little while, my chin will be cold.

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Feed a Deer, Go to Jail

If I lived in Chesterfield, Missouri, I would be a wanted man:

Chesterfield residents caught feeding animals will serve up to three months in jail, according to an amended city ordinance passed at a city council meeting earlier this month.

It’s true: I am a notorious deer-feeder. I have planted delicious young fruit trees around Nogglestead for their dining pleasure. Or so they think.

And in today’s science lesson:

Under the amended ordinance, it is now illegal to feed all wild mammals, including pigeons and Canada Geese.

Does the writer need remedial science courses or simply remedial writing courses? In the modern era, I fear the worst.

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Book Report: San Antonio: Then and Now by Paula Allen (2005)

Book coverIf you like it when James Lileks takes screenshots of locations in old movies and looks up what they look like now, this book is for you. Especially if you browse picture books during sports on television, as I do.

It puts historical images from San Antonio’s past and puts the same location and/or building on the right page with a bit of history about them. Some of the sites you’ll recognize, and by some, I mean “The Alamo.” Some focus on Mexican sites (that is, locations from when San Antonio and Texas were part of Mexico), some on American sites from more recent times. They’ve got a picture of a building being moved back when the city widened one of its thoroughfares. The building, unlike its neighboring buildings, are intact.

So very cool. The images of San Antonio’s River Walk make me want to see it in person; unlike, say, Milwaukee’s River Walk, where they’ve thrown some concrete walkways beside the water and back doors on the restaurants, San Antonio’s River Walk looks to incorporate mature trees and other vegetation overhanging the water along with multi-level walkways and stairs. It looks cool.

So the book did what it is supposed to do: It made me want to visit San Antonio.

One thing about it, though: as a civic boosterism book, it features a number of then-and-nows of historic buildings turned into underpopulated (I assume) arts venues through the magic of tax credits and the like. Personally, I think this is a bad use of space, as it drains the public coffers for the good of a few people who like to go to the theatre once in a while and to be seen in the society pages of the newspaper at a fundraiser for the arts organization. But the book is not political, and it does show a number of commercial structures as well, so I’m only reading into it my own pecadilloes.

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Book Report: I’m Taking a Nap by Bil Keane (1974, 1984)

Book coverAccording to my research, I haven’t read a Family Circus book in four years. According to my initial calculations, I thought 2009 was three years ago; however, damn, that is, in fact, four years. Where are they going? Slowly from the ever-expanding to-read shelves to the read shelves. And more, sometimes, but we’ll get to that.

This book was initially copyright in 1971, but this is a printing from 1984. In a third edition of sorts. Ponder that for a while: these books were popular enough to go through several editions. Do you see that in modern cartoons not named Dilbert? I dunno, I don’t even read the funny pages of the local paper.

This is early in the Family Circus life: you can tell because the father starts out without glasses, and there’s a gag when he gets his glasses. In all of my living memory–which is appropriate, since this book came out before I was alive–he’s had glasses. I didn’t notice until the glasses panel that the father was without, which is a comment to how closely I study the panels before reading the punchline, I suppose.

At any rate, amusing at best, but an exploration of domestic life with a family from the last bit of the middle of the last century. A worthwhile browse for me because it reminds me of my youth, when this stuff was fresh, and it filled time between plays in a series of sporting events, but I’m sure these things won’t get multiple reprintings in the future.

Although I see some of the syndicates are putting out presumably print-on-demand editions such as this and this to have one more crack at the fan base. Good on ’em.

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Going the Extra Mile, Unnoticed

So yesterday was All Hallow’s Eve, and there was an event featuring costumery of children, and we attended.

The youngest dressed as Darth Vader, so Daddy’s all getting into the 21st century thing, and he (being I) determined that the Star Wars Imperial March was in order.

So I pulled it up on my phone in YouTube.

But that would not allow me to loop it, so I paid for an iTunes download and struggled with getting it to play and looping it (how did I get to be an old man who does not understand technology? It happened last night, apparently, and I don’t know how). And I placed it in my coat pocket so the Imperial March would be heard as he walked up to the cars at the trunk or treat thing and asked for goodies.

That was the plan, anyway.

In the excitement, the only person to notice was another little boy who we were following in the circuit. He was tall enough (that is, short enough) that his head was about the level of the trench coat pocket, and he kept glancing at it. Probably wondering why I wasn’t answering my phone.

But it’s important that you, dear Internet, understand I am the unheralded Best Dad Ever. Or at least the best dad my kids have.

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Good Book LP Hunting: The Friends of the Springfield-Greene County Library Sale Autumn 2013 (Round 1?)

So I snuck off to the book fair in the middle of the day yesterday to check out its selection of LPs and whatnot. Scratch that: The whatnot was eliminated by the sheer number of LPs. I browsed through the ones on the tables (not the ones on the floor), and it took me over an hour. I spent another couple of minutes running over the philosophy, literature, and history tables of $1 books. No Better Books shopping for me today. Perhaps Saturday (half price day) or Sunday (bag day) will see me doing my real damage.

Here’s the little stack:

LPs I got at Remington's

The haul includes:

  • Carolingian Chronicles, a pair of texts documenting French history in the 800s.
     
  • A collection of poetry chapbooks bundled together and sold as a unit for a buck. There were two, and I regret only buying one.
     
  • Remember when I said I only bought one copy of Herb Alpert’s Whipped Cream and Other Delights in Clever? Well, I found two more here. And I bought them.
     
  • Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass Greatest Hits. Since I’m now apparently a collector (and a speculator), I’m on the lookout for his LPs in the wild. The book fair had a couple copies of The Lonely Bull, Going Places, and SRO in addition to what I bought. His other titles are much rarer, I guess.
     
  • Two Chipmunks albums. My children are suddenly too old for Sesame Street songs and are at the edge of being too old for books on record at all (and I monopolize the record player anyway). But these, I was sure, would get to them. And so they did. The older one, a poseur of sophistication at seven, feigned disdain for it when I played it for them this morning. It was a strange thing: Chipmunks à Go-Go is a 1965 collection of early 1960s hits, so I recognize most of the songs. But not like that, Lord, not like that. The other platter is Sing Again with The Chipmunks from 1960.
     
  • Two by Eydie Gorme and Steve Lawrence: It’s Us Again (1962) and Songs from the Golden Circle (1959?).
     
  • Rod McKuen’s The Loner (1966). Oh, I’ve read his poetry. I can’t wait to listen to his singing.
     
  • Jackie Gleason Presents… “Oooo!” (1957).
     
  • Carmen for Orchestra by Morton Gould. Brian J., did you buy that album simply because there’s a pretty girl on the cover? ::cough, cough:: Well, it was one reason. A few more saucy covers like this, and I’ll have nothing to fear from the Opera category on Jeopardy! If pretty woman on the cover were the only criterion, though, I’d own a lot more Sylvia albums today.

So this sudden outbreak of audiophilia means I am going to have to buy bigger shelving for my (our) burgeoning record collection. It’s our record collection, as my beautiful wife owns her fair share of them, but I’m the one burgeoning it to death. Also, I’ll need more poly sleeves for the covers. And I’m thinking about getting another turntable for the den or for my office. And, maybe. And.

So if I make it back to the sale in a non-volunteer capacity, I’ll focus on the books. And I’ll keep you, gentle reader, posted.

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Fanboi or Professional?

It’s time to play fanboi or professional. Quick, guess, am I an Apple fanboi or a grizzled computer industry veteran?

There was a day, gentle reader, when I lingered over Radio Shack ads in the Sunday paper to look at and imagine what it would be like to get a TRS-80 and program on it. Some years later, I got a Commodore 128 for Christmas and dabbled on it a bit. Then I got onto what they called the clones in 1990.

And every couple of years, when I got (or built) a more powerful computer, I was excited. It would have better graphics, it would have a faster processor, it would run cooler games that were almost like movies. Whoa.

But sometime not long after the turn of the century, that joy left me. The excitement in getting a new computer. I started working with them, I suppose, and doing more things with them that were work and not fun. I did like having dual processor machines even unto 2007 or so, but now the performance differences are kinda meh. Also, lately they’ve started making movies that look like computer games, so I’m less impressed with how good a game looks because the movies look so bad.

Where am I going with this? Ah, yes. Getting a new computer is a bit of a chore these days because I have to copy data and install a pile of applications and whatnot (if it’s to be my Primary computer). And it’s not like I play a lot of games anyway.

So three or four weeks ago, I (my company) got an iPad 2 because I’m doing some mobile testing, and I’ll eventually need to test under the current iOS version and on a tablet. I configured it in a couple of minutes, and then I set it on the desk.

And it’s sat on the desk for the better part of those weeks. Hardly touched. The cats have swiped on it more than I have, but I didn’t give them my pass code, so those tweets are from me. Even the ones meowing great symphonic overtures.

I mean, it’s just another computer, smaller and lighter, but basically a thin Web browser.

There you have it: I am not a fanboi.

UPDATE: Also not a fanboi: Mr. Hill.

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Book Report: The Danger of Peace by J.W. Allen (1915)

Book coverThis book is almost 100 years old; I have the original edition, not the one available on Amazon these days. Which is some testament to its content or its continued resonance in college courses somewhere.

The lecture upon which this book was based was presented at King’s College in defense of the war effort and against those who would accept a premature peace with Germany in World War I. Allen counters arguments put forward from pacifists, but agrees that most people want the absence of war. However, he recognizes that a cessation of conflict without complete defeat will lead to war in the future.

At 37 pages, it’s a quick enough thought-provoking bit of reading. If you’re steeped in Downton Abbey and are rediscovering the period, it’s an insight into the real thoughts of the era. If you’re somewhat lacking in World War I history, as I am, it’s a reminder of whole epochs with lessons still applicable and to the universal truths of human nature they can reveal and that modern thought cannot conceal for long.

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Book Report: Colter’s Hell & Jackson’s Hole by Merrill J. Mattes (1962, 1976)

Book coverI had seen plenty of copies of this book locally (or at least I saw this particular copy of this book often enough at Redeemed Books), so I assumed that the Colter’s Hell and Jackson’s Hole were local landmarks. Of course, gentle reader, you probably already know what I did not when I picked up this book: These are parts of Yellowstone National Park, and this book was a souvenir to visitors to that location. I guess it was really popular a generation ago when people went places on vacations. Do people still do this? I dunno.

At any rate, the book is a history of the region in its fur trapping days in the early part of the 19th century. Unfortunately, the material is presented as a kind of brain dump of source material. Although the author collects a lot of information from trappers’ diaries and other primary sources, the author presents it in a non-narrative fashion, skipping ahead and backwards in time as he follows a trapper or whatnot for a couple of paragraphs, and then suddenly we’re a year or so back in the past. And the copious material is dumped in without a particular readability. So it’s an academic-minded book offered to civilians, which might explain why so many are available used. But not my copy, of course.

It’s the second tourist pick-up book I’ve read recently (Hearst Castle the other), and it did make me want to visit Yellowstone (but not during a government shutdown, whose antics have made me less eager to visit the location).

And the strangest takeaway from this book: just the amount of time travel took in those days. You get people spending months bringing supplies up from St. Louis and annual meetings which are the only semblance of Western civilization the trappers encounter. How lonely it must have been out there, but how beautiful and, in the case of this region in particular with its hot springs, geysers, and whatnot, how fascinating.

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Look Who’s Mr. Big Gym Bag Now

So way back in 2010, I blogged about my gym equipment, particularly the Tony’s Pizza Super Bowl bag that I used for over 20 years in gym-going and whatnot.

You know, I’d seen people with the big gym bags and thought it was something akin to a sports car in the gym. Look at how athletic I am! they screamed. I am so athletic that I need a BIG ATHLETIC BAG for all my ATHLETIC GEAR. And all I, unpretentious I, needed was a little bag for some sweats, a lock, and some weight gloves.

Well, life has changed.

It’s not that I am MORE ATHLETIC, LOOK AT MY BAG, CAN’T YOU TELL HOW HEALTHY I AM BY THE SIZE OF MY GYM BAG? Instead, as you might know, I go through phases where I dress more nicely than I have to. Hey, I work from home, so I could wear jeans and t-shirts all day–and I do some days–but when I go out, I like to have khakis, a nice shirt, and oxfords on. These phases often run counter to my going to the gym phases–that is, I dress nicely until I realize what a hassle it is to additionally port around a pair of gym shoes, gym socks, and whatnot. When going-to-the-gym phases became ascendent, dressing-nice phases became descendent. This cycle, though, I’ve held on, but the shoes stuffed the little bag.

And on Saturday, I went to the gym and the martial arts studio, and there was no way that the change of clothes and a gi were going to fit into the Tony’s bag (and, as it was Saturday, I was in jeans and a sweatshirt and not the full Grant).

So, also on Saturday, I bought a cavernous gym bag that can hold a couple changes of clothes, a couple of magazines, a pair of shoes, a couple of magazines, and a couple of snacks. And maybe a decorative little gym bag dog like a golden retriever.

Meanwhile, the Tony’s bag will hit the showers and become an inactive relic in the museum of things I keep to remind me of the old days. It’ll fall under a pile of bags in the closet (Look! here’s the bag I got from the company that had the funeral for my mother! Hey, this backpack had a GenCon patch on it twenty years ago!).

At least until I find that my Big Gym Bag does not easily fit into a locker at the YMCA. In which case it will return triumphantly from premature retirement, a little canvas Mario Lemieux.

But, for now, LOOK HOW ATHLETIC I AM!

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Book Report: Texas Earth Surfaces by Jim Book (1970)

Book coverI got this book last weekend at the Friends of the Christian County Library book fair, and last night I discovered that listening to the ball game on the radio lends itself to reading text even less than watching a baseball (or football) game on television does because you have to listen and process the words instead of having the visual shortcut of the image to keep up with what’s going on. So I learned a bit about my cognitive processes and picked this collection of photographs up to flip through while listening to the game.

It’s a collection of images of, guess what? The ground–along with some vegetation and landscape features–in Texas. That’s a twist ending, ainna?

In the middle of the baseball game, while flipping through a book of photographs, I had an epiphany that I’d probably read somewhere else before: At some point, art stopped being about depicting something and all about being Art. Hear me out:

These images were taken and selected because of the different interpositions of the textures of, say, stones and tree bark or a mushroom amid dirt and grass. Okay, that’s a nice study, but what is it supposed to mean to the viewer? Nothing more than that: What might be good practice or technique studies becomes the art itself. Unlike, say, Bittersweet Ozarks at a Glance with its pictures of people and places, this book doesn’t really give anything for a layman to grip onto except the technique. It’s art for other photographers. Kind of like modern literature is jazz improvisation without a theme or motif or modern painting and sculpture is just technique for itself. The medium is the message, kinda.

Or maybe I just don’t like landscapes particularly. Take your pick.

At any rate, this particular volume was originally $20 at Hooked on Books because it was autographed by the author, but I got it for a buck from its sale room some time after that initial decision was made. So it feels like a particular deal.

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Book Report: Heathcliff Round 3 and Heathcliff: Treasure Chest by Geo. Gately (1984, 1991)

Book covers

These books come from different sources: the first, Heathcliff: Round 3, collects cartoons from the newspaper panel. In previous reviews of Heathcliff collections, I’ve mentioned that this meant that a book hit a lot of common tropes that are better separated over the weeks of a cartoon’s run in the papers.

Heathcliff: Treasure Chest, on the other hand, collects Heathcliff stories from the Marvel comic books, so each runs a couple of pages as you would expect in a comic book. There are little adventures where Heathcliff is on television or wins the lottery, and they do expand upon the humor in the cartoons, but even so, two of the cartoons collected in the book repeat a plot (Iggy and Heathcliff get locked somewhere with burglars).

Both are amusing in their way, and worth flipping through if you can pick them up for a quarter. Also, children love them.

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From a Distance, That Makes No Sense

It was the 1980s: when we were close to them, we couldn’t see the senselessness.

We can’t go on just running away.
If we stay any longer, we will surely never get away.

Not to put too fine a point on it, that’s a direct contradiction of a density to warp time and space.

Also, children, the rumors were true: 1980s architecture did feature doors made taller specifically to accommodate teased hair.

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Book Report: The Sire de Maletroit’s Door by Robert Louis Stevenson (1985)

Book coverI thought this book was a novella originally based on its length, but it’s not. It is a short story printed in a hardback edition to capture the college required reading market or, nowadays, the copyright-has-expired-let’s-pour-it-in-a-hardback-and-see-who-buys-it print-on-demand market. But I got my copy for a buck, so I win.

The basic plot of the story is that a fun-loving cavalier is out on the town one night, a strange town where he’s violating a curfew, and he slips into an unlocked door to evade the night watch. But the unlocked door is really a one-way door designed to trap the paramour of the young maiden who lives in the house. The uncle of said maiden believes this fellow is the one who’s been passing her notes at church and opened the door (rimshot!) to scandal, so if the young man does not agree to marry the woman by dawn, he will be killed.

So, basically, it’s Sartre’s “The Wall” except with a comely woman from a good family as the fate worse than death.

It starts out with a very Lovecraftian feel as the town is described and you get the sense of the architecture and history looming over this stranger. But once he’s in the house, it becomes a meditation on honor and choices and what makes people compatible for life.

So it’s a nice little story, a quick read and a book to mark down on my annual list. Woo!

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The Laddie Wants An Ambush Party

So my five-year-old, somehow my youngest, child gets fixations, whereupon he dwells upon one concept or another for weeks. This month’s obsession: Where he’ll have his next birthday party. Which is amusing, as he’s got until next spring to decide. He’s considered parties at the local bouncy house (bouhaus?) and at the Ozark Community Center (somehow abbreviated by its marketing team to “The OC” because appropriating southern California slang is hip).

However, amid his musings, he announced he wants an Ambush party.

That’s not his five-year-old way of saying a surprise party. He means an Ambush party. Continue reading “The Laddie Wants An Ambush Party”

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Book Report: [sic] by Melissa James Gibson (2002)

Book coverThis book is a 21st century New York play. It’s not Neil Simon, that’s for sure.

It deals with three characters who share a hallway on the third floor of a New York apartment building that might or might not be owned by their mutual acquaintance Larry. Theo is a composer stuck on his maximum opus and in love, sort of, with Babette, who is working on her maximum opus esoteric book and borrowing money. Frank is a former flame of Larry and is working on auctioneering. Throughout, you hear (and in the stage version partially see) from down the air shaft a couple breaking up. And there’s Mrs. Jorgenson, who sings, is a friend to them somewhat, and who dies.

So what’s the point of the play? The play’s the thing. What gets resolved at the end? Mrs Jorgenson is still dead. The main characters are all pathetic. SO IS LIFE! I guess.

I dunno. It ain’t my bag, baby. And, unless I miss my guess, those whose bags it is lie on the island of Manhattan.

Also, the play uses a special tick of the characters speaking without punctuation, with capitalization For Emphasis, and sometimes over each other in a way to capture How People Talk, except they don’t, not That Way, and to the extent they do it’s Hard to read.

Overall, not something I’d recommend. You all know the kinds of plays I recommend (The Courtship of Barbara Holt ::cough, cough::).

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