Well, now that many municipalities have eliminated the pit bull and rottweiler threats, perhaps they need to turn their attention to another nemesis of mankind, the miniature dachshund:
A dog chewed off an Alton woman’s big toe while she napped earlier this week.
How many innocent toes have to die before we remove the scourge of this dog breed from our cities? If it saves one toe, it’s worth any cost.
They were bred to bite toes and feet; look at them! They serve no other purpose. City fathers, I demand you round them up and gas them.
But, but, Alton requires a license. This couldn’t have happened, licenses prevent everything bad!