That Makes Me a Baby Genuis

Neil Steinberg writes the following about the RNC convention in his column today in the Chicago Sun-Times:

One reason I could never be a Republican is their squeamish view of the world. Everything is dirty, or evil, or forbidden. I tried to watch the start of the convention with an open mind, and wasn’t even irked by the lone theme of the first night — Sept. 11 — as if the American people are too dumb to absorb two ideas in an evening.

During the montage of recruiting-ad-style tributes to the military, I tried not to be bothered by a guns-and-glory view of war that went out of style after Vietnam.

Then they sang the Air Force Fight Song. I’ve always loved that song, with its thrilling opening line, “Off we go, into the wild blue yonder/Climbing high into the sun. . . . ” Then they got to the verse, “Down we dive, spouting our flame from under/Off with one helluva roar!”

Only they didn’t sing “helluva roar.” They sang “terrible roar.” My guess is, a little bowdlerization for the Right Wing, with its horror of profanity, Harry Potter, gay marriage and all matters Satanic and things hellish, or even helluvaish. It’s a philosophy for babies.

With that broad brush, Steinberg demonstrates the “live and dictate condescension” philosophy espoused by…well, not all Democrats because I realize some are not like that. Perhaps we could narrow the focus to Chicago tabloid columnists secretly ashamed of their suburban homes. Or Neil Steinberg, anyway.

He gets paid to write a column knocking the Republican convention. I get to write all I want lauding it, for free, and I can drink all I want on the job. Advantage: me!

Someone who makes it to the end of his column, let me know if he:

  1. Kicks Bob Greene while Greene’s starting to get up from being down.
  2. Deploys the rhetorical flourish of so-called to earn his pay as a wordsmith.

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Good Morning, Middle Age

Yea, verily, I quote from the book of Bowling for Soup, and the prophets saith:

Debbie just hit the wall
she never had it all
one Prozac a day
husband’s a CPA
her dreams went out the door
when she turned twenty-four
only been with one man
what happen to her plan?

She was gonna be an actress
she was gonna be a star
she was gonna shake her ass
on the hood of Whitesnake’s car
her yellow SUV is now the enemy
looks at her average life
and nothing has been alright

Bruce Springstein, Madonna
way before Nirvana
there was U2 and Blondie
and music still on MTV
her two kids in high school
they tell her that she’s uncool
but she still preoccupies
with 19, 19, 1985

Of course, for we in Generation X, riding in the slipstream of the sonic Boomers, 40 is only the end of adolescence these days. Thanks, sixties generation. Now grow up so we can.

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Pachy Blogging, Day II, Summation

Not bad. Schwarzenneggar/Bush was a different point/counterpoint approach to the evening, which differed from yesterday’s McCain/Giuliani blend. Arnold’s got the immigrant cred, and his speech made me want to do more for my country and for what’s becoming my party.

I almost was ready to volunteer for phone duty at the local Bush Cheney HQ.

Let me sleep on it, though. I did a couple weeks of phone duty as a telemarketing fundraiser (also when I was 22, concurrent to but not lasting as long as my grocery store job), so I have had my fill of people hanging up on me rudely.

Looking forward to tomorrow. Join me here for PachyBlogging3. Same time, same snark, different booze.

Tonight’s was Fat Bastard Shiraz, by the way. RNC blogging demands something more than beer, even Guinness.

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Pachy Blogging, Day II, XIII

Heather says if I mention the twins, she mentions George P. Fair enough.

I prefer Barbara.

They didn’t do too well, but they’re just 22. What was I doing at 22? Stocking the dairy section at a grocery store. However, I was doing open mikes, so I would have had better timing behind the mike.

So, honey, how about George “Perfect Teeth” Bush?

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Pachy Blogging, Day II, IX

Rod Paige gave a fair speech with, um, vanilla platitudes, and then we cut to a video set in St. Louis.

Although I’m not a fan of federal education spending or St. Louis City schools, the video piqued my attention.

Some of those condemned buildings looked neat, and I’ll bet they are inexpensive.

I bet William Lacy Clay, Jr., would like suburban investors coming into his secure district. I was going to call myself a “whitebread” investor, but I am above using racial epithets, even on myself.

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Who Won The Olympics?

Who got the most medals at the Olympics? Why, the European Union, of course:

    EURO chief Romano Prodi last night hailed Britain’s haul of Olympic gold as a triumph — for the European Union.

    And he warned our athletes will have to fly the EU flag as well as the Union Jack at Beijing in 2008.

    That would mean 800m and 1500m champion Kelly Holmes and boxing sensation Amir Khan would be battling for Brussels as much as Britain.

    Mr Prodi turned the Athens games into a political football, boasting that our bag of 30 medals helped the EU trounce America and China.

Why stop there? Why not go all out and say:

The West defeated the East, the Islamic Crescent, and Africa!

It’s true. Check out these medal totals, which I gleaned from the official Olympic site:

Culture Country Gold Silver Bronze Country
Total
The West United States 35 39 29 103
  Russia 27 27 38 92
  Australia 17 16 16 49
  Germany 14 16 18 48
  France 11 9 13 33
  Italy 10 11 11 32
  Great Britain 9 9 12 30
  Cuba 9 7 11 27
  Ukraine 9 5 9 23
  Hungary 8 6 3 17
  Romania 8 5 6 19
  Greece 6 6 4 16
  Norway 5 0 1 6
  Netherlands 4 9 9 22
  Brazil 4 3 3 10
  Sweden 4 1 2 7
  Spain 3 11 5 19
  Canada 3 6 3 12
  Turkey 3 3 4 10
  Poland 3 2 5 10
  New Zealand 3 2 0 5
  Belarus 2 6 7 15
  Austria 2 4 1 7
  Slovakia 2 2 2 6
  Georgia 2 2 0 4
  Bulgaria 2 1 9 12
  Jamaica 2 1 2 5
  Denmark 2 0 6 8
  Argentina 2 0 4 6
  Chile 2 0 1 3
  Czech Republic 1 3 4 8
  South Africa 1 3 2 6
  Croatia 1 2 2 5
  Lithuania 1 2 0 3
  Switzerland 1 1 3 5
  Belgium 1 0 2 3
  Bahamas 1 0 1 2
  Israel 1 0 1 2
  Dominican Rep 1 0 0 1
  Ireland 1 0 0 1
  Latvia 0 4 0 4
  Mexico 0 3 1 4
  Portugal 0 2 1 3
  Finland 0 2 0 2
  Serbia/Montenegro 0 2 0 2
  Slovenia 0 1 3 4
  Estonia 0 1 2 3
  Paraguay 0 1 0 1
  Venezuela 0 0 2 2
  Colombia 0 0 1 1
  Trinidad/Tobago 0 0 1 1
  Totals 223 236 260 719
 
The East China 32 17 14 63
  Japan 16 9 12 37
  Korea 9 12 9 30
  Chinese Taipei 2 2 1 5
  DPR Korea 0 4 1 5
  Hong Kong 0 1 0 1
  India 0 1 0 1
  Mongolia 0 0 1 1
  Thailand 3 1 4 8
  Totals 62 47 42 151
Islam Kazakhstan 1 4 3 8
  Egypt 1 1 3 5
  Azerbaijan 1 0 4 5
  U Arab Emirates 1 0 0 1
  Indonesia 1 1 2 4
  I. R. Iran 2 2 2 6
  Syrian Arab Rep 0 0 1 1
  Uzbekistan 2 1 2 5
  Totals 9 9 17 35
 
Africa Eritrea 0 0 1 1
  Cameroon 1 0 0 1
  Zimbabwe 1 1 1 3
  Kenya 1 4 2 7
  Ethiopia 2 3 2 7
  Morocco 2 1 0 3
  Nigeria 0 0 2 2
  Totals 7 9 8 24

Oh, yeah, we trounced those other cultures, ainna? The West! Birthplace of democracy, Enlightenment (nirvana notwithstanding), capitalism, and sports which require expensive equipment and training to excel.

What, Mr Prodi, you think it’s unsophisticated to extrapolate that far? Then shut your soon-to-be even-more-irrelevant yap and allow your Worthless Pact satellite countries to enjoy a bit of harmless nationalism on the fields of sport and recognize the Olympics for what they are: games.

Of course, as such, I suppose it’s only natural that a EUcrat would see the Olympics as nothing but a continuation of EU diplomacy by other means.

(Link seen originally on blogoSFERICS.)

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Pachy Blogging, Day II, VII

Bill Frist brags about the new Medicare drug benefit, throwing red meat to his tribe, the Socialist Seniors of America, and then says the Republicans are a party for smaller government.

I keep expecting a cut to a concerned Geordi La Forge in engineering, brainstorming to how he can refactor the Rhetoricon Crystals to prevent the impending space-time rip caused by the paradox.

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Pachy Blogging, Day II, V

The blogger pin-up Erika Herald talks about faith-based initiatives.

I am all in favor of them. Instead of government-funded programs, not as government-funded programs. They’re effective because they have extensive contact with the people they serve, and because people serve to salve their souls, not to maintain six figure salaries and to keep themselves in conference-in-exotic-locale tans.

Detective McDonald is warming to his speech and is doing well, too.

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Pachy Blogging, Day II, III

George P. Bush, one of the little brown ones, does well enough. Diversity in the GOP? Hell, there’s diversity in the Bush family, for crying out loud.

When he cuts to Spanish at the end, it reminds me of watching Star Trek: The Motion Picture dubbed in Spanish during a high school Spanish class. A stream of Spanish dialog until someone refers to a character by name, when the original actor’s voice breaks in with the very American pronunciation, “Spock.”

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