Who Won The Olympics?

Who got the most medals at the Olympics? Why, the European Union, of course:

    EURO chief Romano Prodi last night hailed Britain’s haul of Olympic gold as a triumph — for the European Union.

    And he warned our athletes will have to fly the EU flag as well as the Union Jack at Beijing in 2008.

    That would mean 800m and 1500m champion Kelly Holmes and boxing sensation Amir Khan would be battling for Brussels as much as Britain.

    Mr Prodi turned the Athens games into a political football, boasting that our bag of 30 medals helped the EU trounce America and China.

Why stop there? Why not go all out and say:

The West defeated the East, the Islamic Crescent, and Africa!

It’s true. Check out these medal totals, which I gleaned from the official Olympic site:

Culture Country Gold Silver Bronze Country
Total
The West United States 35 39 29 103
  Russia 27 27 38 92
  Australia 17 16 16 49
  Germany 14 16 18 48
  France 11 9 13 33
  Italy 10 11 11 32
  Great Britain 9 9 12 30
  Cuba 9 7 11 27
  Ukraine 9 5 9 23
  Hungary 8 6 3 17
  Romania 8 5 6 19
  Greece 6 6 4 16
  Norway 5 0 1 6
  Netherlands 4 9 9 22
  Brazil 4 3 3 10
  Sweden 4 1 2 7
  Spain 3 11 5 19
  Canada 3 6 3 12
  Turkey 3 3 4 10
  Poland 3 2 5 10
  New Zealand 3 2 0 5
  Belarus 2 6 7 15
  Austria 2 4 1 7
  Slovakia 2 2 2 6
  Georgia 2 2 0 4
  Bulgaria 2 1 9 12
  Jamaica 2 1 2 5
  Denmark 2 0 6 8
  Argentina 2 0 4 6
  Chile 2 0 1 3
  Czech Republic 1 3 4 8
  South Africa 1 3 2 6
  Croatia 1 2 2 5
  Lithuania 1 2 0 3
  Switzerland 1 1 3 5
  Belgium 1 0 2 3
  Bahamas 1 0 1 2
  Israel 1 0 1 2
  Dominican Rep 1 0 0 1
  Ireland 1 0 0 1
  Latvia 0 4 0 4
  Mexico 0 3 1 4
  Portugal 0 2 1 3
  Finland 0 2 0 2
  Serbia/Montenegro 0 2 0 2
  Slovenia 0 1 3 4
  Estonia 0 1 2 3
  Paraguay 0 1 0 1
  Venezuela 0 0 2 2
  Colombia 0 0 1 1
  Trinidad/Tobago 0 0 1 1
  Totals 223 236 260 719
 
The East China 32 17 14 63
  Japan 16 9 12 37
  Korea 9 12 9 30
  Chinese Taipei 2 2 1 5
  DPR Korea 0 4 1 5
  Hong Kong 0 1 0 1
  India 0 1 0 1
  Mongolia 0 0 1 1
  Thailand 3 1 4 8
  Totals 62 47 42 151
Islam Kazakhstan 1 4 3 8
  Egypt 1 1 3 5
  Azerbaijan 1 0 4 5
  U Arab Emirates 1 0 0 1
  Indonesia 1 1 2 4
  I. R. Iran 2 2 2 6
  Syrian Arab Rep 0 0 1 1
  Uzbekistan 2 1 2 5
  Totals 9 9 17 35
 
Africa Eritrea 0 0 1 1
  Cameroon 1 0 0 1
  Zimbabwe 1 1 1 3
  Kenya 1 4 2 7
  Ethiopia 2 3 2 7
  Morocco 2 1 0 3
  Nigeria 0 0 2 2
  Totals 7 9 8 24

Oh, yeah, we trounced those other cultures, ainna? The West! Birthplace of democracy, Enlightenment (nirvana notwithstanding), capitalism, and sports which require expensive equipment and training to excel.

What, Mr Prodi, you think it’s unsophisticated to extrapolate that far? Then shut your soon-to-be even-more-irrelevant yap and allow your Worthless Pact satellite countries to enjoy a bit of harmless nationalism on the fields of sport and recognize the Olympics for what they are: games.

Of course, as such, I suppose it’s only natural that a EUcrat would see the Olympics as nothing but a continuation of EU diplomacy by other means.

(Link seen originally on blogoSFERICS.)