We Got Your Shadow Government Right Here

How presumptuous that John FU Kerry is conducting United States foreign policy on behalf of the flocked-up sheep citizens he’s bound to fleece slaughter protect:

Sen. John F. Kerry said Friday that despite public declarations from France and other European countries that they would not send troops to Iraq, there were indications some of the nations would be willing to change course with the right diplomatic effort.

“There are senators and … diplomats who have had conversations with other folks that I think indicate that — given the right equation, given the right statesmanship and leadership — it is possible to have a very different level of participation,” Kerry said Friday at his Washington campaign headquarters.

We used to have a set of united states hereabouts, wherein we spoke with a single voice internationally. Now, the red states have their duly-elected spokesman, and the blue have the self-appointed messianic one.

(Link seen on Wizbang!)

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Some People See a Whale Tail; I See A Loophole

Looks like Louisiana’s about to extend its nanny state to picking clothes for its children by outlawing low-riding pants:

House Bill 1626, also known as the “Baggy Pants Bill” states: “It shall be unlawful for any person to appear in public wearing his pants below his waist and thereby exposing his skin or intimate clothing.”

Have your attorneys file for an exclusive disjunction injunction. It will confuse the judge, undoubtedly, just as easily as I have confused myself and you.

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Sounds Like a Hostile Workplace To Me

Hidden in the ombudsman column of the Boston Globe wherein said ombudsperson explains the chain of events that led to the Globe printing a story about a rabble-rousing city selectman or whatever anachronism those staid New Englanders have in lieu of alderpeople who pee in trashcans during a filibuster who waved around a bunch of photographs depicting American soldiers raping Iraqi women–photographs long debunked here in the blogosphere as having come from topical pornography–we find this interesting admission from the ombudsperson:

Various sources last week said the photos displayed by Turner came from a pornography website, and they may well have, although I could not trace it to the source.

One has to wonder how hard Christine Chinlund scoured the Web for a particular set of pornographic pictures and how many sites she reviewed in the course of her research. And if it constitutes a “hostile workplace” for her co-workers, or if “I was looking for the source of photos of alleged improprieties on the part of American soldiers” works when the boss catches you.

(For more information, see Media Log by Dan Kennedy for May 14, 2004.)

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Comic Relief

It’s good to remember that some absurdity remains in the world:

Cuban President Fidel Castro launched an immense anti-American protest on Friday with denunciations and ridicule of President Bush, saying the U.S. leader was fraudulently elected and trying to impose “world tyranny.”

The Cuban leader led a sea of Cubans past the U.S. diplomatic mission here on the oceanfront Malecon Boulevard in a demonstration organized by the communist government against new U.S. measures aimed at squeezing the island’s economy and pushing out Castro.

The crowd chanted “Free Cuba! Fascist Bush!”

Are you sure they weren’t using a noun of direct address in their chants? “Free Cuba, fascist Bush!”

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Major Media as Reality Television

Let me see if I get the attribution straight: An Instapundit post refers to something on Roger Simon’s blog which resulted, ultimately, in an essay on The American Thinker.

Read that essay.

The lead:

How do we account for the continued strength of President Bush in the polls, relative to his presumptive Democratic opponent, despite the stream of bad news from Iraq? Much of the journalistic and intellectual establishment is plainly baffled …and dismayed. The answer is not that complex: the public, unlike the class which defines itself as living the life of the mind, understands that we are at war, a war in which our very survival is at stake. This is a gut-level cognition.

Those who pride themselves on their ability to spin chains of logical reasoning, and sometimes arrive at a counter-intuitive conclusion, instinctively recoil from the obvious lesson, especially when it validates the positions of their political opponents. For them, the battle against the hated Bush is more important than the battle against Islamicist terror. Theories which blame the West as the source of all evil take precedence over actual evil, stariung them in the face.

My tangental epiphany:

Major news media are the same as reality television.

Face it, they’re not just people who point cameras and shoot stuff. They’re content providers who need to sell a story. They don’t just dish out facts and events. They start with a story, and then they cut the video and stage it as needed to have a narrative arc, complete with villains who are just people trying to do the best they can, but whose actions the “narrators” cast in unflattering lights and out of context–but within the narrative arc.

Major news media are nothing but entertainment, folks, and the pictures they paint and the artistry they employ might be actually, you know, entertaining or compelling. If they weren’t talking about something vitally important, and if they weren’t trying to base it as a true story. Perhaps “Inspired by Actual Events” would better describe it.

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“So-Called” Watch

This damn cheap verbal construction sticks in my craw and wiggles and twists. I don’t care to hear this abomination spoken (and I have one friend who applies it to his conversations like barbecue sauce on over-cooked hamburgers), and I find it disreputable when professional writers use it in things for which they were paid.

Current offenders:

  • Richard Roeper, Chicago Sun-Times:

    Conservative commentators who seized on this tragedy to complain that the so-called liberal media was more interested in abused Iraqi prisoners than a murdered American civilian are either lying or stupid.

  • Sara Shipley, St. Louis Post-Dispatch:

    The Howard Bend Levee District is nearly finished with a $25 million upgrade designed to protect against a so-called 500-year flood, or one that has a 1 in 500 chance of happening in any given year.

Face it, “so-called” is the “alleged” without the elegance and without, you know, actual allegations. So-called is the drop-in equivalent of an “authorities say” asterisk in a headline, a written sneer that would be denied if someone questioned a speaker who added the equivalent tone of voice. It’s making air-quotes with the English language, and it deserves all the mockery we can summon.

I’m almost tempted to start a “So-Called Watch” blog, but given the underwhelming popularity of Pop-Up Mocker, I think not.

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Richard Roeper Scores a Twofer

In his column today, Roeper of the Chicago Sun-Times endears himself to the other half:

    You go first.
    In a recent column you brought out the big guns, God and the Vatican,
    to condemn Rush Limbaugh for his support of the troops in the so-called
    Iraqi prisoner abuse. Who you gonna call on now to comment on the
    televised beheading of an American civilian — the liberal high
    authority Michael “Freaky” Moore? Let’s just see if this cold-blooded
    murder gets as much air time from the media as the naked butts of Iraqi
    prisoners.

    Alberta Dabrowsky, Lake Zurich

    The entire world
    should be condemning that horrific, cowardly murder. As for press
    coverage: the beheading of the American civilian is a huge story and
    was treated as such. Conservative commentators who seized on this
    tragedy to complain that the so-called liberal media was more
    interested in abused Iraqi prisoners than a murdered American civilian
    are either lying or stupid.

My response, of course, is that I read his column online every day Monday through Thursday, so I guess it’s obvious which of the two I am.

Mr. Roeper can be reached for comment at rroeper@suntimes.com.

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Why Do They Hate Us?

At OpinionJournal.com, Peggy Noonan examines the terrorist threat to Newark. Her analysis:

  • Because the Port of Newark is an easy target:

    He [Tony Soprano] comes across a documentary about the potential use by terrorists of the nearby Port of Newark. The Port of Newark, the biggest port on the eastern seaboard, receives millions of ship containers each year; the feds say they can check only 2%; terrorists could easily smuggle in a dirty nuke.

    Tony becomes alarmed. He knows Port Newark. The mob is there, his people are there. It is corrupt, lazy, badly run. Suddenly he realizes there’s nothing between his home and kaboom but a chain-link fence and a mall.

  • Because the Port of Newark is an attractive target:

    Port Newark is just beyond the Statue of Liberty in New York Harbor. A hit on Newark would cause panic in al Qaeda’s great target, New York–stock market crash, terror in the streets. A hit on Port Newark would deal a blow rich in practical and symbolic terms.

  • Because New Jersey is becoming the center, in America, of the movement for cloning:

    But there’s more and for me it’s more central, and the reason my pings began. New Jersey is becoming the center, in America, of the movement for cloning. Its governor just signed the most liberal cloning bill in the United States. There is money in cloning research, and status: We’re the coming intellectual center of science! We’re not just the Meadowlands and the mob, we’re Princeton and Einstein! There is greater suburban affluence to be gained, and higher tax revenues for politicians to spend on community centers built through no-bid contracts by big contributors. The Robert Torricelli Psychotherapy Institute for the Differently Abled. The Jim McGreevey Carpal Tunnel Trauma Research Facility.

Cripes, spare me further “Why do they hate us?” projection of whatever bugaboos the commentator has about America in the discussion of terrorism. Who cares? Don’t solve the projected problem, eliminate those who would blow up Newark for whatever reason.

And prevent Peggy Noonan from being cloned, ever. For her sake, and for the sake of generations of future Americans who read conservative commentators.

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Escalating the Level of Discourse to Violence

Check out John Kerry’s bravado here:

Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry warned his political opponents on Monday against attacking his outspoken wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry, saying, “They’re going to have to go through me.”

That’s a pretty metaphor, Massachusetts. But we here in the midwest respect our elders just enough to not beat them to a pulp when they start talking smack.

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Who Are They Kidding?

Important insight from WebMD Health News:

Commercials featuring topless models with buff bodies and unattainable physiques may make the viewers feel depressed and unhappy with their bodies.

Sound familiar? It is, but this time it’s the men’s turn to feel insecure.

Actually, it doesn’t sound familiar at all, but then again I have what they call “self-esteem” mostly because I have an accurate depiction of why my body is the way it is, and I’m content with it. Sure, I’d like a little flatter stomach, but that would require more time on the gerbil machines and fewer Guinnesses.

So pardon me when I am skeptical when a woman psychologist from Central Florida University intones, seriously:

“The level of muscularity and attractiveness that are idealized in the media often are not attainable for the average man,” says researcher Stacey Tantleff-Dunn, professor of psychology at the University of Central Florida. “Men see more of a discrepancy between how they want to look, or think they need to look, and the image they see in the mirror. Such discrepancies can cause the dissatisfaction and low self-esteem that lead to extreme and often unhealthy actions, such as eating disorders, exercising too much, and steroid abuse.”

You know what I think when I see an idealized level of muscularity and attractiveness in the media? I think, “Hey, I’m in the media!” or “Hey, man, I wish I had time to spend four hours a day in a gym; of course, I would spend it drinking Guinness and reading or napping in a recliner, but the time would be nice.”

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Iraqi Prisoner Abuse

I have not posted on this topic much, gentle readers, because the zone has been quite flooded with floor-to-ceiling coverage of the topic. It’s a bad thing, but not as bad a thing as it’s been made out. The coverage certainly outweighs the offense.

I don’t have anything to add. Read what this guy says about it. He covers it.

(Link seen on Instapundit.)

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Are You Appositive?

Pardon me while I mock the editing of the ABCNews.com piece entitled Aisles of Fraud? Faked Slip-and-Fall Accidents Cost Customers, wherein we find this gem:

Debbie Williams, a fortune teller, was caught faking a fall in aisle nine of a New York City grocery store. Williams — who is also a fortune teller — knew she was going to fall before she walked into the store.

I must be psychic, too, because I knew before the second sentence that Debbie Williams was a fortune teller!

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Some Animals Are More Equal Than Others

Charles Schmucker, senator from a tiny little state called New York, posits more Federal tax money, contributed by people in Mississippi and Wyoming, should go to New York:

The federal government should give New Yorkers unused housing subsidies earmarked for other states, Sen. Charles Schumer said yesterday.

From the many, one, brother, as long as it’s one of the populous states whose overregulation is choking its populace. Put your fingers around my neck, too, please.

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She Turned Me Into A Newt

Newt Gingrich, on OpinionJournal.com, explains a double standard at work:

The media coverage of the violations of American law against Iraqi prisoners is in peril of setting a dangerous double standard for America and the Arab world. The administration must be very careful in explaining how we feel and what we will do. Otherwise our enemies will use our own words as an excuse to exploit this double standard.

To be clear, a very small number of Americans did a terrible thing at Abu Ghraib. And because we live under the rule of law, and we take protecting the Constitution seriously, the accused will be investigated and, when guilty, punished. The incidents themselves are to be condemned.

Some have called for Donald Rumsfeld to resign. However, he has led the process of exposing the wrongdoing and investigating the charges. Moreover, he will see to it that the accused get a fair and honest trial, in which there is a presumption of innocence until guilt is proved and the guilty are punished. That due process is something we as Americans should be proud of, and unequivocal about. In view of Mr. Rumsfeld’s significant contribution to our security, this incident will be but a footnote.

Explaining our anger at these misdeeds and our determination to punish the wrongdoers is appropriate. Appearing overly contrite or overly apologetic, however, will be a big mistake.

What he said.

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Bare and….What’s the Other One?

On the front page of its NewsWatch section, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch offers pro and con, emphasis on the con, of whether another casino would be good for the St. Louis area:

  • (No) Opponents of new casino tell tales of addiction’s toll

    Looking back, Connie realizes she should have seen the problem. Her family members always wanted her to take a separate car to the casinos – they knew she would want to leave long before they did.

    She should have known the $50 here, $100 there that they borrowed was not a coincidence. She had lost a few bucks playing bingo before, she knew grocery bills were hard to cover sometimes. No big deal. They always paid her back.

    Had she been asked three years ago to vote on a new casino in Lemay, where she lives, “heck, yes, I was all for it,” said Connie.

    The loan requests grew larger and more frequent.

    “They ran themselves low on one person, and they couldn’t go to them anymore, so they would start on other people, and pretty soon, I realized they were all hitting on me,” Connie said of her family members.

    None of these relatives had gambling problems before casinos came to the St. Louis area. They had never visited Las Vegas. There was a history of alcoholism in the family, and Connie smoked through three pregnancies before she finally quit.

    “I know about addiction,” she says.

    So we start with an anecdotal lead that, I guess, will support the argument that government should pad the harsh walls of reality to make it safe for the least responsible or intelligent members of society, because if they can, stupid people will do stupid things.

  • (Yes) Supporters for new casino see cash for education

    Last week, Hancock High School Principal Jason Naucke bluntly told his students that if they even considering drinking, don’t bother showing up for the prom. Fifth graders got a one-hour lesson from a police officer about the consequences of joining a gang, the 15th week of a 17-week course urging them to reject drugs and violence.

    Just another week in the “values” curriculum at Hancock Place School District, while the district’s superintendent was pushing for a casino to come to the neighborhood.

    A casino means money, and Superintendent Ed Stewart hasn’t seen enough of that.

    A new “casino” would mean “tax revenue” that “scare-quoted” “educators” could [Please punch up with use of term so-called. –Ed.] use in promoting “values” in their so-called curricula, and the unintelligent educators “educators” don’t capture the “irony” of raising money from gambling while promoting other “values” (which are obviously “scare-quoted” because anything valued by someone other than the journalist is “suspect”). Thus begins the story favoring the casino.

Criminey, I pay money to have this delivered. At least I am getting some use out of it now that hockey season’s over.

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The ‘Hard Emotions’ of Conservation

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch profiles the president of the St. Louis Zoo. The lead: How he fired up his wife to think about conservation:

Perhaps the only wild creatures Melody Noel studied in law school were F. Lee Bailey and Alan Dershowitz. But today, Noel is an expert on penguins, cheetahs and addaxes.

“Farmers in Botswana are shooting cheetahs because they eat their livestock,” Noel said. “It’s going to take some creative solutions and some time to work through the problem.”

Noel has no background in biology, but she is married to St. Louis Zoo president Jeffrey Bonner. And anyone who lives in Bonner’s world – whether for two decades, like Noel, or two years, like the Zoo’s 1,000 employees – invariably adopts his passions.

“I am a perfect example of a convert,” said Noel, who practices domestic law. “These are not things I thought about before, but he knows how to get people fired up.”

You mean, farmers shoot wild cats that attack their domesticated animals? The horror! As mountain lions return to scourge the mountainous country of our own United States, I only hope the farmers in Botswana only use one bullet per cheetah and have a nice, fashionable pelt to wear afterwards.

But what’s the point of the anecdote? The great Mesmero can convince people who would marry him to join him in an inchoate collection of beliefs about the circle of life as it exists outside of Disney cartoons. So what makes him different from any other professor?

Now Bonner wants to convert St. Louisans and one of the city’s most beloved institutions. Soon, he promises, visitors will see a new sort of St. Louis Zoo, one that confronts the destruction of the wild, the slaughter of endangered species and the hard choices the public must face if it wants to change the world. This new Zoo that Bonner envisions looks a lot like the old one: The train still runs, sea lions still flip for fish and Raja still roams the sprawling River’s Edge. But with the fun comes a sober message of conservation and responsibility.

“What we have failed to do is really show people the world around us. In Africa, the loggers are putting in the roads, and the hunters go in with their AK-47s and slaughter every animal they see.

I guess he’s saying that he would prefer Africa to continue with substinence farming, famines, and starvation, since that lack of development didn’t threaten nature.

How daft is he?

To Bonner, who studied anthropology, the human element matters most.

“The environment is never the problem. It’s the people that are the problem – always the people,” he said.

Pretty damn daft, if you ask me. People are always the problem. Except people like him.

“Conservation ultimately requires compromise,” Bonner said. “I think people struggle with that all of the time, but if you look at the big picture, there are ways of balancing your lifestyle with the good you do.”

In Bonner’s case, he drives a sport utility vehicle, eats meat and wears leather shoes.

So he proffers this compromise: cattle farmers, African loggers, everyone outside of a pampered urban setting, you’ve got to do what he and his type dictate, based on theories and “hard emotions.” He, on the other hand, will continue to make six figures, eat meat, drive a sport utility vehicle, wear leather shoes, and promises never to get attacked by a big cat while jogging or allowing his pets or livestock to tempt carnivores. Also, he’s willing to suffer through puff pieces in the newspaper and colleagues who gush:

Jerry Borin, director of the Columbus Zoo and Aquarium, calls Bonner “a big-picture person.”

“He is always two or three steps ahead but he brings people along,” Borin said. “That’s important in the zoo community. We are not that large of an industry, and by nature we have to cooperate.”

That big picture? It’s a large, flattering self-portrait depicting Bonner as nobility, willing to do what’s best for his serfs, whether it’s popular or not.

Update:
What does a mountain lion or cheetah think of a zookeeper who’s not afraid to admit he wears leather?
Atkins-friendly.

Sorry, I couldn’t help it. I am also toying with a global outreach program called “Bullets for Botswana,” but that takes more effort than making jokes.

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