Category: Humor

Send me $8, and I’ll name a star after you and register it in blog post form on this blog, covered by common law copyright. And since I don’t have to waste money on the “book form” at the United States Copyright Office, I can save that filing fee and add it right to my bottom line. Boo-yah!

Perhaps I shouldn’t have brought that last bit up as it’s not a salient selling point.

If John is as dumb as a sack of hammers, and if Mary is as dumb as a three-quarters-full sack of hammers, who is smarter?

Arithematically, we might express it this way:

JohnIQ = 1s(h)
MaryIQ = .75s(h)

So on the surface, it would look obvious that John is smarter than Mary, but this assumes that the intelligence factor of multiple hammers is measurable in a number greater than 1. However, if each individual hammer actually reduces intelligence, that is, each individual hammer’s contribution to overall intelligence actually detracts from overall intelligence, in which case Mary, by having her intelligence diminished by a smaller number of hammers in the sack, would have the higher intelligence.

Man, I should have taken more, that is to say “any,” mathematics in college. However, as I do hold a degree in English, I can identify quickly within the word problem the patriarchy’s obvious oppression of Mary, wherein she’s only worth three quarters of the hammers of an equivalent male. This realization provides me with enough indignation to determine that to answer this word problem is to support the capitalists that hold Mary down. Also, I need to determine whether the hammers within the sack represent the proletariat and whether, by keeping them in the sack, both John and Mary (Biblical names–ergo Christians) are actually oppressors, but that’s another word problem of its own….

UPDATE: For my gentle European and Canadian readers working on this problem, I’d like to point out that 1 sack of hammers (SoH) is equal to 2.54 boxes of rocks (BoR), the metric measurement.

If you, like, bust a vampire in the mouth and skin your knuckles on its teeth, are you in danger of becoming a vampire?

Please let me know within the next night or so. Thanks.

Mmmm, Bork! Bork! Bork!

CNN: Report: Paris Hilton to retire in 2 years.

No word on whether she’ll choose Michelin, Cordovan, or Pirelli, but we who await every word and deed can hardly contain ourselves in anticipation.

(Link seen on Professor Bainbridge.)

Pejman said:

I see that the Mighty Bear had a logo contest and the winner was a doozy of an entry. Perhaps a logo contest for this site is in order . . .

And I said:

Crap, I don’t know Logo.

Can’t we just use BASIC instead?

Hah! Geek humor! I kill me. And make others want to.

A Dalek’s voice saying "Ex-fol-i-ate! Ex-fol-i-ate!"

Old school geeks are now cursing me because that’s going to stick in their heads.

For those of you who are planning to miss the Atari Party next weekend for a “wedding,” remember that it’s traditional to give, as a wedding gift, a case of Guinness and a couple fifths of Jack Daniels.

Correction: In a recent post on wedding etiquette, the staff from Musings from Brian J. Noggle incorrectly identified a bender as a traditional wedding gift; in fact, the traditional wedding gift is a blender. Musings from Brian J. Noggle regrets the error.

Store Wars.

I cannot tell by the site whether the organic enthusiasts have put this together earnestly, or if someone is making fun of the organic enthusiasts; all I know is that, with Obi-Wan Cannoli’s tutelage, the Farm will surely be with Cuke Skywalker.

Alien Loves Predator.

Okay, it sounds dirtier than it is. In this series of comix, Preston the predator and Abraham the alien share apartments in New York City, survive commuting on the subways, and try to score with chix… Well, Abraham tries, and time will tell if Pres actually does.

Should be Safe For Work (SFW); does not contain nude poseable action figures, but it does use some colorful metaphors which are presented as text within jpg images.

(Thanks to Rocket Jones for the pointer.)

Marvel sues two sleepers over dreams

LOS ANGELES — Marvel Enterprises is suing two individuals who’ve slept because it claims that the individuals had dreams with Marvel characters “Spiderman,” “Rogue,” “ShadowCat,” “She-Hulk,” “Dazzler,” “The Scarlet Witch,” and other heroes and, quite frankly, a lot of heroines.

The lawsuit claims that St. Louis resident Sean Wilson and Cahokia, Illinois, resident Sam Jose violated Marvel’s trademark characters in their dreams on the nights of May 4, 2005 and May 6, 2005 respectively. Marvel seeks unspecified damages and an injunction against the two young men to stop using its characters.

REM-sleep enables participants to emulate superheroes’ look and abilities and then battle against other dream characters in a virtual city. Like similar so-called personal entertainment media, dream offer a myriad of combinations so that no two dreamers’ plots are exactly the same.

But in its lawsuit, filed Wednesday in U.S. District Court, Marvel argues that the dreamers’ imaginations easily allows them to portray themselves as its superheroes, including “Cyclops” of the X-Men in that one scenario involving “Dr. Jean Grey” of which the Comics Board would not approve.

The New York-based company also took issue with the ability of dreamers to go so far as to use the names of Marvel comic book characters in their dreams.

Marvel claims the two men are responsible because the the dreams occur in their minds, raising the question of whether a person is responsible for his or subsconscious behavior even while unconscious.

Marvel also claims the men have disrupted its “existing and future” business prospects for licensing its characters in stories similar to the plots of their dreams, as the men might not buy those comic books that pale in comparison to their own nocturnal experience.

Neither of the defendants in the lawsuit would comment.

The Marvel lawsuit appears to be the first to raise this question in the scope of individual dreams. But early copyright infringement lawsuits brought by recording companies against people who hummed tunes successfully argued the hummers were responsible for license fees owed to the music publishers because they performed the songs, often in public venues.

The argument can still be made that the dreams are only empower dreamers to the same degree that an establishment like Kinko’s enables customers to make paper copies of copyrighted material, said Lou von Fredericks, senior intellectual property attorney with the Nighttime Frontier Foundation.

“Is it a violation of copyright to make up a character in the dream world or is that fair use?” von Fredericks said. “This is really untested ground in the courts.”