To be able to say "Noggle," you first must be able to say "Nah."
Ex-Marines, knitter among Blagojevich jurors
The actual writer might know some:
A former Marine severely injured serving in the Middle East, a voracious reader of knitting magazines and a man born in a U.S. internment camp for Japanese-Americans during World War II.
Put that in a stylebook somewhere, kids: there are no ex-Marines, only former Marines. Show some respect.
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Missourians warned not to eat raw crawfish
Telling people here that raw crawfish can make you sick won’t work. They’re from Missouri: you’ll have to show them. Pass the raw crawdads, please.
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Death rates decline sharply in kids under 5
You are healed!
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Rapper Guru dies at 43 after battle with cancer
It goes against type, but our society will be a better place when more rappers die of old age and related diseases than shootings.
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In 2005, this would have been bad news: Talented employees now affordable:
Don Carroll, a former financial analyst with a master’s degree in business administration from a top university, was clearly overqualified for the job running the claims department for Cartwright International, a small, family-owned moving company south of Kansas City, Mo.
But he had been out of work for six months, and the department badly needed modernization after several decades of benign neglect. It turned out to be a perfect match.
In the year 2OE, however, this is good news.
If G.J. Meyer was reduced to being a Wal-Mart greeter, this would now be a great networking opportunity
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Marko spots a headline and draws the obvious conclusion.
I ain’t the only one who speaks English and reads them, you know.
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Suspect reportedly shot by Springfield police during chase in jail
Snickering about the miswritten headline aside, which implies that the chase took place in the jail, we get this nugget about the shooting:
After the vehicle became stuck in the mud following a high-speed pursuit, Hilt allegedly tried to run over several police officers and was shot in the neck.
The suspect tried to run down the officers with a truck that was stuck in the mud? I see.
Reminds me of an incident in the St. Louis area a couple years back where a deputy pulled over a car full of kids in a manual transmission vehicle. When the deputy got out, the vehicle rolled a little purportedly because the driver didn’t put the parking brake on, and the deputy fired a barrage into the vehicle, killing some and wounding some more.
Jeez, guys, be careful.
UPDATE: I am not convicting the cops here in the court of my public opinion, since I am only working off of the newspaper’s reporting of the event.
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Angelina Jolie visits Haiti with UN refugee body
Maybe she should have a sandwich or two on the plane ride back.
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Missouri seeks court ban on intoxicated gun possession
All joking aside, is this really how “law” is supposed to be made? The legislature whips something confusing up, and then the government lawyers get the courts to actually determine what the law is? Because that’s not my understanding of a constitutional republic with a separation of powers.
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Crap, they’re onto us. We charge more than things cost us!
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Sarah Michelle Gellar, husband welcome baby girl
That husband, of course, is former “actor” Freddie Prinze, Jr.
Or, to AP headline writers, nobody.
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Disabled kids put ‘do’ in tae kwon do
Is this editor ignorant of martial arts, or is he or she saying the disabled children put the D’oh! in Tae kwon do? Because that isn’t pronounced like the verb do.
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Francis Slay repeats call to join St. Louis County.
It’s 3am, and he’s promising to take the county back and forgive the county for letting the city dump it in the 1870s.
Keep calling, Slay. The Post-Dispatch will continue its breathless encouragement even as the two million plus county residents ignore your pleas to spend our tax money on your city residents.
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Man charged with illegal dumping of debis
Who knew that the government now actually has laws about ending romances? On the other hand, what’s there to stop it now that “rule of law”, “contracts”, and “The Constitution” are void at the whim of the Elect(ed)?
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