Category: Headlines

Headline: Nude Masked Man Attacks Hamptons Beach Walker

Well, if he’s wearing a mask, he’s not exactly nude, is he?

Unfortunate headline, or passive-aggressive editor knocking new ownership of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch?

Lee forges name for autonomy at papers

18 Percent Of Florida Seniors Flunk FCAT [Florida’s Comprehensive Assessment Test].

Oops, wrong seniors. They meant those damn kids in high school seniors.

Embrace the imagery of this St. Louis Post-Dispatch headline:

Mo. House panel guts anti-abortion bill

US troops shoot dead Iraqi general: police

I mean, if he’s dead, why waste the ammo?

On a serious note, we love the caption for the photo: “US troops have killed a number of coalition personnel. (Reuters)” Of all the things you could say about US troops, I guess that’s one.

This headline would be much funnier with a hyphen:

Family of protester killed by bulldozer–suing Caterpillar

What kind of caterpillar sues bulldozers, anyway?

(Link seen on Overlawyered.)

Fark links to the story Teacher Has Sex with Pupil While Baby in Car: Cops with the unfortunate summary:

Teacher arrested for having sex with a two-year old in back seat

That’s preposition abuse if I ever saw it.

Brightest Galactic Flash Ever Detected Hits Earth

Headline: Ben Kingsley and wife have split.

They had a split? Did it include fudge and crushed nuts?

Headline on CNN:

Click for full size

Four car bombs hit Baghdad in 90 minutes? Shouldn’t we warn someone?

TechDirt’s Bezos Innnnnn Spaaaaaaaaace!

I laughed because I got the allusion. And I’m not explaining it to you damn kids.

Blunt promises new direction

Because north, south, east, and west are so cliché.

A special kudo to whomever at the St. Louis Post Dispatch or its online arm that filed this story in the Metro East section. Because Jefferson City is east of….well, Kansas City, anyway.

Headline: Linkin Park donates $100K for tsunami.

The American rock and roll band give nothing for the tsunami survivors, and one hundred thousand for a tsunami itself.

Headline in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch: Woman is off life support after stabbing attack.

Why don’t they try that with everyone on life support, then?

Britain to ban fags.

Spice Girl stalker jailed.

Come on, regardless of what you think of their music or eating disorders, it would be kind of cool to have a Spice Girl stalking you. Even Scary Spice. If it were me, I wouldn’t throw her in jail; I’d brag to all my friends (but probably not my wife): “Yeah, that Emma Bunton has been sending me flowers, love notes, and graphic pictures of herself again.”

Headline of the day: Sunset Hills man shoots; kills alleged burglar

As one of the last regular users of the precious semicolon, I must protest whenever someone uses it incorrectly. It’s easier than protesting apostrophe abuse, and it doesn’t make on as hoarse.