Public Dog Schooling: An Idea Whose Time Has Come

So I was reading that taxpayers in Chesterfield (or people who pay taxes in Chesterfield because they shop there) are funding a dog park:

Folks hounding Chesterfield officials over the years for a dog park finally have a reason to howl in celebration.

The $118,000, two-acre Eberwein Dog Park, the first dog park in the city, is set to open to Chesterfield residents on Sept. 1. The dog park is within the new 18-acre Eberwein Park.

And I got to thinking, how else could the few who own dogs further soak the taxpaying public? And then it hit me: Public, compulsory dog school.

Listen, when you argue with a liberal about public schooling, he will say that it’s best for a civilized society as a whole if its citizens are educated in a mass-produced Procrustean factory of leftist indoctrination (well, he will say all of it up to the prepositional phrase). Then, if you show him this chart:

He’ll say something about how the increased funding raises minorities scores or something, not caring that the math indicates that a whole lot of scores have to go down to make a flat average when the mythical increase of minority scores. But that’s neither here nor there.

By that reasoning, compulsory obedience school for dogs makes a better society. Better-behaved dogs don’t bite, increasing safety. Better-behaved dogs don’t run into traffic, increasing safety. Frisbee-trained dogs provide entertainment and exercise, getting children out of the house and away from the Wii, increasing fitness and combating childhood obesity. Ergo, the government should fund dog obedience schools to indirectly improve society.

And if the costs are astronomical and rising compared to the benefit? That’s what quantitative easing is for. QED.

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3 thoughts on “Public Dog Schooling: An Idea Whose Time Has Come

  1. I believe the term is “snoucher.” And only in areas where enlightened conservatives have agitated and received a direct government transfer of wealth.

  2. I don’t think this plan will stimulate the economy sufficiently. Plan to burn down each school once it’s built. Then it can be rebuilt to get the Keynesian multiplier to kick in. Repeat as needed.

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