As some of you know, I’m officially in the hopper as a potential Jeopardy! contestant for the next 17 months, 2 weeks. Someday, I might stand behind a podium with an illuminated negative score after the first commercial break, letting Alex Trebek and the audience get to know me a little better. Have you ever noticed that sometimes, the Jeopardy! contestants seem a little surprised at the thing Alex mentions? That’s because you write them down on a piece of paper before your audition. So by the time you’re on the show, a year and a half could have elapsed before Mr. Trebek brings it up. Bloody heck, I’m already forgetting what I wrote down, and it’s been three weeks since my audition.
But various alternatives are running through my head: responses I could make whatever Alex brings up. Responses like:
- Your intelligence service is very good, Mr. Trebek. I’ve never told that story before to any living person.
- Deny it. What? I don’t know what you’re talking about. That never happened.
- Burst out weeping.
Of course, that would really never happen. I would probably be vibrating like the Tacoma Narrows Bridge and would have to focus too much on keeping myself together to be clever.
I’m much funnier on the Internet than in person.
