New Democrat Voter Outreach

Not really, but come on, we all know who this object will vote for, don’t we?

In some ways, Hiasl is like any other Viennese: He indulges a weakness for pastry, likes to paint and enjoys chilling out watching TV.

But he doesn’t care for coffee, and he isn’t actually a person—at least not yet.

In a case that could set a global legal precedent for granting basic rights to apes, animal rights advocates are seeking to get the 26- year-old male chimpanzee legally declared a “person.”

Remarkable. Even better, look at this splitting of hairs:

“Our main argument is that Hiasl is a person and has basic legal rights,” said Eberhart Theuer, a lawyer leading the challenge on behalf of the Association Against Animal Factories, a Vienna animal rights group.

“We mean the right to life, the right to not be tortured, the right to freedom under certain conditions,” Theuer said.

“We’re not talking about the right to vote here.”

Where have I seen that before? Oh, yes: All animals are equal. But some are more equal than others.

(Another link seen on Boots and Sabers.)