So I walked down to the Old Trees Recreational Complex to get a residency card so I can save $1 on ice skating sessions at the rink and save $10 on continuing education programs if I ever needed to learn how to line dance with the elderly. But that $1 per session, over the course of a year where I will go once, will save me a total of $1.
So I arrived with my new driver’s license because it has my new address and I thought that would be enough.
“Do you have a piece of mail with your current address on it?” the woman behind the counter said. “A utility bill?”
I looked through my wallet for anything else. I took out my Old Trees Library card.
“They don’t make you show anything with your address on it,” she said.
I don’t normally carry with me my current outstanding personal invoices for commodity consumption, so I had to walk away empty-handed.
But rest assured, America; even though I had to prove my current address to get this driver’s license with my Old Trees address upon it, that in and of itself was not enough to satisfy the demands of the vigilant public servant. We can all sleep easier knowing that it’s harder to get an Old Trees ID than a driver’s license, and that our ice arena and architecture tours are safe from terrorists who refuse to pay full price.