She Wolf or She Male? Which Sub Place Tonight?

John Kass of the Chicago Tribune contrasts the current commercials of submarine sandwich chains (registration required).

Compare:

The commercial starts off with two guys holding toasted subs.

“One guy asks, `What? You don’t like it? Were you raised by wolves?’

“The other guy has a far-away look in his eyes. Then there’s a flashback, and he’s in business attire, suckling at a grown she-wolf, fighting off other wolf cubs, the only thing is, he’s not a wolf. He’s a guy, in business attire, suckling on a wolf.”

We stood there, silently pondering the image, trying to figure out why wolf milk might inspire a guy to buy a sub.

Contrast:

This one involves a tense fellow who dresses in a cheerleader outfit, and swishes his pompoms in the middle of his driveway, with the neighbors watching, including the neighbor with the video camera.

In the commercial, the cross-dresser tells his terrified daughter not to worry, that although he’s “been bad,” he had the special sandwich. He’s absolved himself with a sub.

Makes me want to order pizza, too.

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