CNN is headlining a story with Did SARS come from the stars? Delve into the story, and you find:
“I think it is a possibility that SARS came from space. It is a very strong possibility,” Professor Chandra Wickramasinghe told Reuters.
The director of the Cardiff Center for Astrobiology in Wales and a proponent of the theory that life on Earth originated from space, admits the theory defies conventional wisdom.
Of course, it’s a theory that defies conventional wisdom and only by defying conventional wisdom, i.e., by being completely whacko, does Wickramashinge get its (is Chandra a he or a she or of a nongendered extraterrestrial species?) name in the world press, in a story where it’s quoted before scientists who practice science and accurately call the theory nuts.
However, in my own interests of hounding the media into publishing my name, Brian J. Noggle (don’t forget the J. as it’s extremely important to my own pretensiousness), I wish to offer the following unsubstantiated theory:
SARS comes from an alternate Earth in a different quantum universe and is a result of biological warfare between the Soviet Union and China in the 1970s, just like in The Omega Man, except in this real alternate dimension, unlike its fictional counterpart where the epidemic turns the infected into pasty shambling zombies whose only goal is to infect the uninfected, the real SARS from the real alternate Earth actually kills a small number of people, which I understand is a goal of bioweapons researchers. (Run-on sentences are easy indicators of Grade A Government Choice Cockamamie.)
So when the Chinese (those ChiComs!), in their pursuit of extradimensional weapons (or their space program) accidentally opened a rift between our planet and the Alternate Earth, they let in SARS and probably sent a couple of bootlegged copies of the Matrix Reloaded where DVD-playerless SARS-infected zombies can only sharpen the edges to use as weapons.
Of course, it fits all the fact as we know them now, and its mere outlandishness should serve as evidence of its truth.
Brian J. Noggle,
Resident Expert in Foosball Slop Shots,
International Society For Finding Alternate Earths That Resemble Charlton Heston Post-Apocalypse Movies.