Musings from Brian J. Noggle

What the (obscenity deleted) is the Toronto Star thinking to entertain the question Should Canada indict Bush?

When U.S. President George W. Bush arrives in Ottawa — probably later this year — should he be welcomed? Or should he be charged with war crimes?

It’s an interesting question. On the face of it, Bush seems a perfect candidate for prosecution under Canada’s Crimes against Humanity and War Crimes Act.

This act was passed in 2000 to bring Canada’s ineffectual laws in line with the rules of the new International Criminal Court. While never tested, it lays out sweeping categories under which a foreign leader like Bush could face arrest.

In particular, it holds that anyone who commits a war crime, even outside Canada, may be prosecuted by our courts. What is a war crime? According to the statute, it is any conduct defined as such by “customary international law” or by conventions that Canada has adopted.

Holy faltering hockey league, but I’m volunteering for the invasion force to liberate Bush should some Canadian try to make a statement by doing this. Crikey on a cracker, but doesn’t this Walkom fellow understand that the local bar’s softball team in the J’s summer social league could successfully trump the entire Canadian military? I mean, no matter how well the six Canadians remaining in the Canadian military can fight, they’re still outnumbered because, remember, in softball there are ten players on the field. Even if the Canadian military calls up the reserves composed of out-of-work NHL players, we’ll call up the gas station’s softball team!

Canadian winter be damned! I’m from Wisconsin. Bring it.

It’s amazing that anyone would take these sorts of sentiments seriously. I don’t, otherwise I wouldn’t be so glib.

But Thomas Hokkum is no Gordon Sinclair.

(Link seen on Little Green Footballs.)

No, please, it is a mental illness, making me a protected class completely unfireable in the workplace and able to seek special accommodation from the rest of you:

Animal hoarders are not necessarily mentally ill, said Gail Steketee, a psychologist at Boston University. “The best bet is to call it a wellintentioned behavior gone awry.”

Steketee is one of dozens of scientists who volunteer with the Hoarding of Animals Research Consortium in Boston, a group formed in 1997 to study the problem. There is no known treatment, she said.

Animal hoarding, a term coined five years ago, is defined as collecting more animals than can be cared for, combined with a failure to realize the squalid conditions are hurting both the homeowner and the animals.

Someone fund another study, and keep going until I get to collect Social Security for having large numbers of cats.

Voters in Columbia, Missouri have apparently passed referenda decriminalizing the possession of small amounts of marijuana: Voters cut marijuana penalties:

Decriminalization means if you’re caught in the city with a small amount of marijuana, “you don’t get arrested, you don’t go to jail, and you don’t get a record,” according to Dan Viets, a Columbia defense attorney who helped spearhead the effort to pass the propositions. He’s also defended clients against marijuana charges here for 18 years.

Fortunately, though, the United States Congress will undoubtedly move quickly to make it a Federal crime to possess a joint to cover situations such as this where residents of a particular area try to determine their own standards of behavior.

Here’s a heartening story for those who like security cameras: Apparent kidnapping videotaped by California mall camera; woman put in trunk of car:

Two men were caught on a mall’s security camera as they chased a woman through a parking lot, then grabbed and stuffed her into the trunk of a car, authorities said.

Shoppers nearby seemed to notice the incident Sunday night, but none attemped to stop it.

Police on Thursday were still trying to determine the identities of the woman, who appeared to be in her 20s, and two men seen on the tape made at Corona Discount Mall about 40 miles southeast of Los Angeles.

Remember, the camera doesn’t make the victim less dead or less in-the-trunk-of-the-car; it gives the authorities, safely seated at a desk before a monitor, clues to who did it.

Now, class, how would this scenario played out differently if the woman had been carrying a gun?

To add fun to the story:

“It’s very discouraging right now and it’s really difficult for us, because we don’t know who the victim is,” he told KCAL-TV. “And it’s obvious that some kind of crime occurred.”

The department had received several calls from witnesses and others in recent days, but had no solid leads, Officer Jesse Jurado said. He said investigators had not yet ruled out the possibility that the incident was a hoax.

Because the camera caught it so clearly, the authorities think it might have been a hoax. So instead of using the camera to determine if the shooting were justified as self defense or not, the discouraged authorities are confused. Was it the crime of kidnapping, or the crime of confusing the authorities and making fun of their cameras?

I guess they’ll know when they find the body.

Here’s what you should put in a “perfect” Scouting for Food bag this year:

• 2 cans of hearty soup, stew or chili supply many nutrients;
• 2 cans of tuna, chicken, salmon or luncheon meat contain protein and iron, and canned salmon is a source of calcium and omega-3 fatty acids;
• 1 can of fruit supplies vitamins A and C, folate, potassium, fiber and other healthy substances;
• 1 can of 100 percent pure fruit juice contains vitamin C and often beta carotene;
• 1 can of vegetables supplies beta carotene, vitamin C, folate, complex carbohydrates, fiber and potassium;
• 1 can of tomato or pasta sauce contains lycopene, a healthy substance that is more available to your body in canned and cooked tomatoes than in fresh tomatoes;
• 1 canned meal offers a variety of ingredients and nutrients;
• 1 can of beans contains plenty of protein, complex carbohydrates and fiber; and
• 1 can of evaporated milk makes an excellent source of calcium and protein.

Here’s what you’re getting out of the Noggle home again this year, same as last year:

• Any cans of meat, such as Spam, we received as a joke.
• Any stray cans of stuff that I bought on sale as a bachelor (but was too lazy to prepare) which archeological digs have uncovered in our pantry.
• The annual can of clam chowder that I buy because I like clam chowder (but was too lazy to prepare). Because Heather doesn’t like the the smell, she gets rid of the can by any means necessary.
• A can of mandarin oranges. Where do they keep coming from?
• A can or two of corn or beans that we have, which we would eat on our own but because we have an extra, we throw it in.
• Any cans of french-cut green beans bought by mistake. Probably by me.

I mean, come on, it’s charity. I give surplus and cast offs. Whenever someone starts telling me what to give, I think he or she is about one step away from telling me what he or she wants to take and one and a half steps away from just taking it.

Back in the old days, we could say ex post facto, but apparently nobody in Webster Groves studied Latin:

Some of the chickens have to go, too, and/or some of Silpoch’s pigeons, under a resolution passed Nov. 2 by the Webster Groves City Council. It stipulates that Silpoch may keep a total of a dozen birds, no rooster, at her Grant Road home. She now has 44 birds; the council has given her until Jan. 2 to find homes for the remaining 32.

You see, it was once tradition that the government could not pass a law and punish you for behavior before the law was passed. But now, as far as owning property is concerned, the governments can and do strip you of your possession by fiat whenever it wants.