Musings from Brian J. Noggle

Some people think John Kerry called American soldiers terrorists, but that’s a stretch. He did, however, say that Iraqi troops should be terrorizing the Iraqi people. Here’s one of the only transcriptions of the comments from last week’s Face the Nation that I could find:

There is no reason, Bob, that young American soldiers need to be going into the homes of Iraqis in the dead of night, terrorizing kids and children, you know, women, breaking sort of the customs of the — of — of — of — historical customs, religious customs, whether you like it or not. Iraqis should be doing that.

Let’s replace the relative pronound that with its antecedent, and Kerry says:

Iraqis should be oing into the homes of Iraqis in the dead of night, terrorizing kids and children, you know, women, breaking sort of the customs of the — of — of — of — historical customs, religious customs, whether you like it or not.

Perhaps in Kerry’s world, Iraq was better off with Saddam, since under his rule, Iraqis were doing just that.

So is this Alito guy confirmed yet, or what?

No? How come criminals have the right to a speedy trial, but nominees to the freaking courts don’t have the right to a speedy confirmation vote?

(Professor Bainbridge has more on the latest ginned-up controversy from Alito’s past.)

For those of you who don’t want to read Neil Steinberg’s columns, allow me to summarize today’s:

1. Blackberry users are rude, and the law should outlaw rudeness.

   Of course, Some of us live outside the urban media world and its satellites in Chicago, New York, Washington, D.C., and California and can’t think of a single person who uses Blackberry rudely or otherwise. We can at the issue abstractly and recognize the dangers inherent in the patent process as made concrete through this case and realize that its precedent and example of government intrusion into industry and our lives far exceeds our own pet peeves.

2. Thrivent for Lutherans is whacky in conception, but cool.

   As I (your host, Brian J.) am married to a card-carrying Lutheran, I hope it’s also lucrative.

3. Illegal immigrants aren’t as bad as people who think illegal immigrants are bad.

   To quote the maestro:

   I wrote them back — every one, until I got tired of it — asking what other international laws are being broken that they are hot and excited about? Or is it just this one? See, to me, that is where the racism comes in. Nobody in the world writes TOO MANY MANGOS are ENTERING THIS COUNTRY in VIOLATION OF THE FRUIT IMPORT QUOTAS.

   It’s not international law. It’s United States law, which is more important. Also, we who oppose illegal immigration often think prevention of unchecked border crossing is more important than the legislation slathered on by protectionists who care about limiting the import of Canadian wood or the environmentalists who care to limit the import of shelled pets from Costa Rica. But some of us conservatarians are bothered by the hobgoblins of foolish, consistent prioritization.

If you, gentle reader, will read on, you’ll see I’ve posted thrice this evening; why should I not deserve a column in a daily?

Crikey, how ungrateful can one man be? After all, Steinberg once called the author of MfBJN as a “genuis”, or at least might have said something I posted was “genuis” once. Ungrateful, perhaps, but I prefer to consider myself the sole remaining paladin of Bob Greene, whom Steinberg routinely snarks in his columns.

Boys hurt on bikes sue Wal-Mart, importer: Marin trial to focus on wheel clasp used on millions of cycles:

He and eight other boys from around the nation are suing retail giant Wal-Mart Stores Inc., which sold the bikes, and a San Rafael company that imported them from China. A trial in the case begins Monday in a Marin County courtroom, and the youths are expected to testify about smashing their faces into pavement after the front wheels came loose.

The lawsuit asserts that the so-called quick-release devices on the front wheels malfunctioned when the bikes hit bumps. The clasps, used on millions of bicycles, are designed to hold the front-wheel axle to the frame and allow the wheel to be easily removed for repairs or transport.

The boys and their parents also claim that Wal-Mart conspired with Dynacraft BSC Inc. of San Rafael and Carl Warren & Co., which investigated complaints for the importer, to cover up the defects.

Nine kids fell off of their bikes, and it’s the fault of the bikes….although millions have been sold and none have been recalled or otherwise cited officially for safety concerns.

When I was a child, we used to take our old Kent bikes down the side of a freeway embankment past some electrical transmission towers at high rates of speed. I’d like to think it was skill, but it was probably also a large amount of luck that kept me from serious injury. But assuming I had come to harm, in the early 1980s and even though we were poor, we wouldn’t have sued for recompense. What a pity, as it offered such lucrative targets:

• The Federal government, for building overpasses where children had access to the steep embankments.
• Kent, for making bicycles without frictional inertial dampening systems that limited us to sissy speeds.
• The power company, for not putting bumpers on the legs of its transmission towers.
• The City of Milwaukee, for not replacing dirt and grass with a comfortable poly-foam of some sort.

The lead plantiff in this case says he cannot absorb information like he used to. Hell, I don’t absorb information like I used to, either. But, on the bright side for this young man, he’s certainly absorbing the litigious lotto lessons of his environment well enough.

How would it have benefitted the psyche of certain segments of the population if the National Weather Service had indulged Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee and had hurricanes Keisha and Reanne hammered the Gulf Coast this year?

Sure, it was a deer, but it had big fangs:

A St. Louis police officer fatally shot a deer on Sunday evening after it had apparently wandered from the Mississippi River to the construction area of the new Busch Stadium, authorities said.

WHITE HOUSE PLAN IF SADDAM FOUND ‘NOT GUILTY’ (Drudge flash, so pardon me when it goes dark in the next 20 minutes):

Senior Bush administration officials have considered the unthinkable: What if Saddam Hussein is found not guilty in his trial?

“There will be more charges filed against him, and more charges after that, if needed… he has committed tremendous crimes,” a top Bush source explained last week from Washington.

We at MfBJN speculated on this possibility: What If Saddam Hussein Goes O.J.?:

At that point, Iraqi prosecutors can levy additional charges against Saddam Hussein, demonstrating that the rule of law as practiced in the West means that prosecutors can continue prosecuting and persecuting the accused with a plethora of laws and violations until such time as the target is found guilty or until the target is a broken and bankrupted person.

A fine beacon of rule of law, indeed.

What, no moonbat conspiracy theories to fit this fact?

With an improved trade environment and financing tools, Iraq has become the second largest buyer of U.S. wheat.

That, my friends, is agricultural imperialism at its worst: we’re making the Middle East a dumping ground for our cheap, efficiently produced foodstuffs. Wouldn’t it be better just to let them starve?

Coming from, of all things, the Macy’s Day Parade, we have this stunning display of unAmericanism:

During its live coverage of the annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade, NBC did not tell viewers that a giant balloon had caught on a street lamp and injured two sisters.

…

Sarah and Mary Chamberlain, 11 and 26, were hit by the debris. Sarah needed nine stitches to her head, and Mary, who uses a wheelchair, suffered a bump on her forehead.

Their father, Stephen Chamberlain, called it a freak accident and said the family didn’t plan to sue. He said his daughters are looking forward to the special VIP seating Macy’s offered them for next year’s parade.

But that’s free money, and someone (else) has to pay! What is this country coming to?

The War On Animal Abuse:

U.S. troops found two cheetah cubs _ one of them blinded _ being forced to fight each other for the amusement of jeering children in this dusty, forgotten village.

The soldiers of the U.S. counterterrorism task force for the Horn of Africa were in the region carrying out humanitarian work when they came across the three-month-old cheetahs “performing” at a restaurant run by Mohamed Hudle. The Djibouti-based task force provides intelligence-gathering help to countries in the region, tries to bolster cooperation and border protection, and mounts humanitarian projects aimed at improving the U.S. military’s image among Muslims.

The troops provided medical treatment to the blinded cub, fed them both and tried to persuade Mohamed to hand them over to wildlife officials. They contacted U.S.-based cheetah experts as well as Ethiopian authorities.

Expending treasure and the blood of American troops to liberate the oppressed in the Middle East, feh. But dying to save cute widdle animals?

Bring. It. On.