Category: Technology

I have increased the size of my unit by 4 inches!!!!

Well, I have finally replaced the 15″ monitor with a honking 19″ flat screen model. I’d promised myself one once I finished my novel, but it’s taken me a year to get around to it.

Not to channel Ravenwood or anything, but man, I remember when our color televisions grew to 19″.

And our mothers wouldn’t let us sit this close to them, much less for 10+ hours a day.

Ha, ma! Joke’s on you, huh?
Oh, sorry, ma’am, you looked like my mother until I got within six inches of you.

A link via Instapundit leads me to this story. Although it’s about the fallilbility of voting machines, the author thinks the voting machines should be subject to the same sort of scrutiny as electronic slot machines:

One such outside auditor is Gaming Laboratories International (GLI). To certify a new device, or even a software upgrade, vendors send GLI all of the source code, all of the tools needed to build the code, maybe a development computer, and even an in-circuit emulator if that’s how you debugged your code. Expensive? You bet. Accurate? It sure seems to be.

GLI tears the design apart, digs into the guts, finds back doors impossible to isolate via testing and ensures the customer will lose by exactly the amount specified. Tests check both functionality and threat resistance. Technicians zap every square inch of the gaming machine with a 27 KV prod – because cheaters often try to rip off the devices using ESD to confuse the electronics. GLI jimmies the coin box, and generally simulates all of the attacks observed by those hidden cameras in the casino’s roof. That’s regression testing of a whole new order.

That’s the right way to conduct your quality assurance testing. I wonder if GLI is hiring? I figure the logical progression for my career is to cause actual physical damage. Maybe UL needs a thug.

Regardless, while my resume travels in the mail, I am inspired to bring in a heat gun to work tomorrow to see how the application works when I am flipping bits.

Alert reader “Martin Simmons” (I assume he’s a reader, since I got this message in my Hotmail box which I make available for you, gentle readers) sends me this warning:

From : “Martin Simmons”
To : stlbrianj@hotmail.com
Subject : Stlbrian j – Porn found on YOUR computer!
Date : Sun, 21 Sep 2003 03:43:36

MIME-Version: 1.0
Received: from ([67.167.16.201]) by mc5-f10.hotmail.com with Microsoft SMTPSVC(5.0.2195.5600); Sun, 21 Sep 2003 03:38:39 -0700
X-Message-Info: JGTYoYF78jEmAVs0XODqK3fTx/8P7QHe
X-Message-Info: ALYqAGt3oIELxgQxtYO3XDTcnoQ7gxpN1lk7V

X-Message-Info: lcOMLY2qAGOtx3wIEXLgQ5tcYa3DTnQ5gzpl1A5
Message-Id: <20030921433636.hD5lb9HMWuZjMe@>
Return-Path: gpdqzcl@canada.com
X-OriginalArrivalTime: 21 Sep 2003 10:38:39.0772 (UTC) FILETIME=[852CADC0:01C3802C]

zvEach web site you SEE is STORED ON YOUR COMPUTER!pgsgt
mchkvCleaning Cache or History DOES NOT stop snooping!snx
syjxsPROTECT YOUR PC – DO IT INSTANTLYpcnbj

Thanks for the warning, buddy. I’m sorry I didn’t reproduce your link for my readers, where undoubtedly they could click to replace their porn with your Trojan Horse, but you’ll probably get enough zombies out of your mailing to make it worth your time without any of us.

Also, please note that I don’t want to get rid of the porn on my computer. It’s taken me a long time to collect what I have, and it’s schnucking hard to find good hot girl-dressed-as-a-clown-on-cypress photos anyway. Who knows when I would get a chance to replace them?

Cue the Wagnerian music and get ready for the jump cut, but Hans has slain his tribe of Tusken Raiders on his way to the Dark Side. Allow me to translate for those of you who are not geeks: A developer who’s into Java and, worse than Linux, Macs, has something nice to say about Microsoft, or at least something not fervid about open source:

Novices require simplicity. Microsoft has to dumb down its tools for the novice developer, but the Java community often seems to feel no such compulsion. I’m watching some coworkers struggle to become fluent in Struts. They are rightfully offended by how often they have to learn some little workaround rather than the obvious approach simply working.

I’ve come to realize that with many open source projects, any problem that has a reasonable workaround tends not to get addressed. Just as Microsoft often fails to fix behavioral defects before devoting resources to new features, the bazaar tends to permit usage defects since it’s more rewarding to add new functionality. Can’t we find a happy medium?

The answer is, unfortunately not. Hardcore open sourcers who do that sort of thing for the fun of it are gearheads who would rather debate the merits of the Borg-Warner T5, whether it’s great or whether it sucks. Their esoteric knowledge separates them from the simple novices, and they don’t want to simplify. They want to be gurus.

So come to Microsoft, Hans. Uncle Bill wants to include everyone. Even people who used to have blue hair. Uncle Bill forgives. Uncle Bill loves.

Click Trust Microsoft and let Bob show you the path to simple development and simple user interfaces.

Of course, I might get huffy at times, but TechDirt quickly restores my faith by linking to this important study guide for people who would like to become A+ Certified, like me:

Step By Step: How To Destroy Your Computer

I am an A+ Certified Computer Technician, werd, and when I built my sooper (for the time) PC from a collection of suh-weet parts (dualie, DDR ram, 128 Mb UGP video, the works), I put it all together and flipped the switch on the back, and….

Nothing. Power supply didn’t start up or anything. As you techno-savvy people know, computer cases come with no doc whatsoever unless you buy the latest nuclear-plant models, so I kinda thought you flip that on and off switch in the back, wot? Who wouldn’t think that?

So I ordered another sooper case and waited a couple days for it to come. When it did, I inadvertently turned on the switch and hit the reset button. Oh, wait, you see, it’s got a power toggle switch on the back and a power button on the front! The back is absolute power, like the plug, and the front button turns the thing on when it’s been shut off. Intuitive.

So I take a little umbrage when some TechDirty says:

It appears that plenty of office workers are still quite uncomfortable with their computers. A new study has suggested that one in seven office workers doesn’t even know how to turn their computer on. About 20% needed help in saving or printing a document. Companies are spending quite a bit of money employing extra IT staff just to help with these sorts of basic issues. Of course, I do wonder a little about this study. These are all the sorts of tasks that you really only need to be taught once: “You see that button? Good! Now, press it.” Also, there’s no indication what job functions these people held, so it’s tough to determine if this really is a big deal.

I was talking about this with my beautiful wife just yesterday. Our neighbor, an active but elderly man in his 70s, got a hand-me-up computer from his techno-savvy son just so he, my neighbor, could see what computers and the Internet were all about. His son gave him a three minute overview, but after the son had left, our neighbor had to give him a call to learn how to turn the computer off.

You see, you press the button to turn it on, but you select a command from this menu to turn it off. Intuitive.

Makes me want to invite all you computer “designers” (overworked developers and engineers with other priorities in mind, no doubt, when you inflict these iniquities upon the end users) into a conference room with no windows and lock the door behind me so I can counsel you. With a SCSI cable, if necessary.

This, I guess, is what makes me a good tester (I make no assurance of quality except for the testing, thank you). I hate computers. It’s like the Ben Kingsley character says to the little kid in the trailer for Searching for Bobby Fischer: “Do you hate your opponents?…They hate you.”

Of course, when SkyNet becomes self-aware, I will be first on its list. Johnny C can wait. It’s gotta make sure I don’t needle the developers into patching its self-awareness first.

What was my point? Oh, yeah. Computers and their myriad and non-intuitive interfaces sux. Werd.

El Guapo sends along the Hall of Technical Documentation Weirdness. He thought I would be interested.

For the blog, obviously, since I have renounced my errant Doc-U-Matic ways and have become a paid software assassin.

Free Pics Of amateur Lesbians G...

Maybe I am a little behind the times, but I am not really up to speed on the eligibility requirements for amateur or professional standing in terms of your sexuality. Does “amateur” indicate that you’ve not taken money for practicing your sexuality and hence can practice your sexuality in the Olympics?

Or am I a professional heterosexual now that I have entered into a long-term contract? Aside from Vermont, Lesbians cannot turn professional, ever, so I am not sure matrimony or other long-term commitment makes you a pro.

Also, can someone illuminate me on the NCAA eligibility requirements? Can students get a scholarship for school-sponsored sexuality? I am sure there are lots of high school students who would like to spend their four or more years of secondary education working on their skills.

Am I reading too much into this topic and this spam subject line? Perhaps. But look on the bright side. In a couple of days, I will start getting the 733t G00gle Hitz for “Lesbian pics.” If only I could work in the words “Barely-legal” and “teen” into the post…..

But how am I supposed to test without any requirements? Use the ad hoc, Luke.

A clamp down on H1Bs won’t stop your employers from deploying the primate programmers.

We need Frank J., stat!

(Link seen on Misha’s site.)

Sorry. I never saw it, but I remember the nature of Microsoft’s failed user-friendly construct, Bob. My darling Heather said that I was the second person to mention Bob to her recently(her formerly blue-haired boss was first). This Seattle Weekly story, which I saw on /., is the third source which confirms the fool thing actually existed.

Honestly, honey, Microsoft, back around Windows 95, had this little animated character that showed you everything you wanted to know about your home computer. Think of Clippy running whenever you turned the computer on.

Heck’s pecs, I had the Little Computer People Discovery Kit on my Commodore 64. Bradley, my little computer person, looked like Bob. In 1987.

More wireless networking hysteria in today’s Washington Post.

Rule #1: The hackers are always smarter than you are.
Rule #2: The hackers will always have more time to try to break your security than you have time putting the security in place.

A CNN article describes how shareware is making a comeback. Well, duh!

The shareware distribution model makes a lot of sense. Smaller applications, many of which are home grown at first, have lower development, marketing, and distribution costs, and the author of the software can pass the savings on. Best of all, you get stripped down versions to evaluate at your leisure for free and for an unlimited time.

It’s hard not to appreciate it. Hey, I have been a fan of shareware for over a decade. I still have the original Duke Nukem and Cosmo’s Great Adventure loaded on my Windows 2000 box, running in all their two dimensional scrolling glories. Not only do they it run as well on my Athlon 1000+ as on my 286-10, but the replayabilty remains. Todd Replogle, where have you gone?

Hopefully not off somewhere to write the interchangeable first person shooters, like Duke Nukem 3D. I hope you retired off of your old Apogee earnings before sinking to that level.

(Link seen on /..)