Category: News

Apparently, entrepreneurs have decided that some people don’t want to sing a la karaoke; they want to lip synch comedy routines:

Karaoke is soooooo 1990s. For those who’d rather make people laugh at their punch lines than cringe at their high notes, the new wave in participatory entertainment is Joke-e-oke.

The premise behind Joke-e-oke is that, at some level, everyone wants to be a comedian. It’s a form of entertainment software that allows people, momentarily, to realize this ambition while emulating the classic comedy routines of their favorite comedians.

The idea for Joke-e-oke is simple. It’s basically karaoke with stand-up comedy material. Many dream of the chance to be a comedian with killer material in front of a laughing crowd. With Joke-e-oke, people are able to live out their comedy fantasy of being their favorite comedian onstage, choosing from a list of stand-up comedy icons to perform. A built in laugh track is added, timed perfectly to accent punch lines.

Wow, those whacky entrepreneurs will try anything! But seriously, I think this will be the hottest thing since Movieoke, which is at least six degrees Kelvin above absolute zero.

How come I haven’t heard Terry Wallis mentioned at all by those who want to save Terri Schiavo.

Granted, comatose ain’t vegetative, but still, I would expect some comparison.

UPDATE: Because in this highly-complicated case in which most commentators have incomplete or inadequate knowledge, it’s important to introduce more incomparable situations as direct metaphors for the possibilities. Obfuscation through opination. That’s the other thing the blogosphere does best.

In San Francisco, high school athletic officials have banned the postgame handshake and goodsportsmanship greetings after girls’ soccer games:

A series of ugly run-ins between girls soccer teams in San Francisco’s high schools has prompted a ban on that proverbial act of good sportsmanship — the post-game handshake.

Not only that, but “all soccer players will be barred from saying a single word to their opponents, opposing coaches or officials upon the conclusion of every soccer game,” Donald Collins, the school district’s high school athletic commissioner, decreed in an e-mail to all coaches and referees Monday.

So instead of winners and losers exchanging friendly or even perfunctory high-fives, “all soccer players will immediately proceed to their respective sidelines upon the conclusion of every soccer game,” Collins commanded.

You know, one of the arguments against home schooling is that public schools help socialize children. There’s your socialization, ma’am: socialized like inmates, not allowed to interact with those from different high schools to show that the participants understand the limited nature of the game and understand that although they have competed fiercely, they respect each other.

Just because a few girls didn’t. So the schools will socialize to the lowest common denominator, which will always prove to be a half step above animal given human nature.

While declining to support a local sales tax increase for some communities in Wisconsin so that those communities could then spend the money, Wisconsin state senator Alberta Darling had some confusing praise:

“I applaud them for thinking outside the box, but I don’t want to add another tax,” Darling said.

Adding another tax is outside the box? A sales tax increase represents creativity in government in the suburbs of Milwaukee?

Pardon my skepticism, but that doesn’t sound new at all. It sounds rather….common for government “leaders.”

November, 2004: Maryland Heights voters pass Proposition D, which charges wireless companies $1000 per communications tower (city press release announcing proposition here; results here and here; mayor does happy dance over his new revenue in city newsletter PDF here)

March, 2005: news in my wireless bill:

Attention Chesterfield, Manchester, Maryland Heights, Vinita Park, and Wellston MO Customers

Next month, we will begin collecting a City business license surcharge of 5.0 percent (5.5 percent in Maryland Heights) to recover the cost of a business license tax that the City claimes must be paid by Verizon Wireless. This surcharge will appear in the Verizon Wireless Surcharges section of your bill as the item labeled CITY BUS LIC SURCHG. This surcharge is a Verizon Wireless charge, not a tax, and is subject to change. If ytou have any questions or concerns about the City’s imposition of its business license tax on wireless companies, please contact your elected City officials at 636-537-4000 (Chesterfield), 636-227-1385 (Manchester), 314-291-6550 (Maryland Heights), 314-428-7373 (Vinita Park) or 314-385-1015 (Wellston).

Some of us saw that coming and recognize that a business tax–even those the City wants to spend on beautification projects of all things–get passed onto the customers. Verizon’s surcharge is very upfront; in most cases, these additional taxes designed to soak corporations just get rolled into price increases, and the consumer and city resident pays for them anyway.

Agency says school chief bought less than $2,000 in gambling credits: Official embezzled $844,477, said he had gambling problem:

Gambling records at Missouri’s 11 riverboat casinos indicate that a former northwest Missouri school superintendent who stole more than $844,000 from his school district bought less than $2,000 in slot machine credits or table game chips since 2001.

Ronnie Gene DeShon, former superintendent of the Pattonsburg School District, admitted in federal court earlier this month that he embezzled $844,477 over four years. He said he used to money to feed his gambling addiction.

But Troy Stremming, president of the Missouri Riverboat Gaming Association, said if DeShon lost hundreds of thousands of dollars gambling, it wasn’t at Missouri’s riverboat casinos. Gambling records at the riverboat casinos indicate that DeShon bought less than $2,000 in slot machine credits or table game chips since 2001.

I would say the embezzler played the victim card, but he wasn’t playing cards at all. Instead, he pushed an obvious sympathy button to lessen his punishment.

Like this guy, I took money from my employer’s account last year and deposited it in my personal account, although I understand this is less of an issue when you’re self-employed. In case it’s not, I want to document my addictions and disorders that led me to this sad low:

• Sex.
• Coffee.
• Beer.
• Sprecher’s Root Beer.
• Yellow Tail Shiraz/Cabernet.
• Gambolling.
• Napping.
• Reading.

Does that press your sympathy button, or your envy button?

From this Haaretz article:

Meanwhile, the Palestinian Interior Ministry has begun placing restrictions on the use of weapons by Palestinian militants, Palestinian security officials said Monday, a step toward fulfilling a long-standing Israeli demand that the armed groups be dismantled.

A Palestinian security official, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the Interior Ministry has distributed a letter outlining weapons restrictions to hundreds of militants in the West Bank.

The restrictions limit militants to a single weapon, and bar them from loading the weapons or carrying them in public, the official said. He said the measure obligates militants to license the weapons with the Interior Ministry and forbids them from changing their serial numbers.

Many militants possess more than one weapon.

Watch for Feinstein or Schumer to start saying, “Even Palestinian militants can only have one weapon; why should US citizens be allowed more?”

(Link seen on Roger L. Simon.)

Attorney: Owner has right to open adult bookstore:

Kleinhans and his attorney Grant Shostak argued the business application should be accepted under Crystal City ordinance.

“It’s the law,” Shostak said. “It is not the whim of this city government to determine whether a business license should be issued. From someone looking from the outside, it appears that if it is something the city likes then it will be issued. If it is something the city doesn’t like, then it will not be issued.”

“We took the city’s ordinance and analyzed the zoning issues,” Kleinhans said. “We studied it and did our due diligence. We have met all of the requirements according to the ordinance.”

Peh, you can do with your property whatever the government wants you to do with it.

Perhaps Shostak should emphasize that smoking will be prohibited on the premises. City councils seem to like to ban that. Or maybe they don’t appreciate voluntary smoking bans since those entrepreneurs prevent the city councils from doing something!!!1!

Along side a story entitled Is your poker game legal?, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch provides a sidebar, Will you get busted?, which details numerous poker game scenarios and whether you can be arrested for them. In which, we find the gospel:

The game: Texas Hold’em with 20 of your closest buddies at someone’s home, each buying in for $25.

Is it legal? No

Will you get busted: Not likely, unless you’re playing with a bunch of suspected felons who already are under surveillance.

You can violate this silly law with impunity unless law enforcement wants a charge to hang upon you.

Al Capone got arrested for tax evasion. Piss off a cop or prosecutor, and you can get busted for cards with your buddies.

I don’t think these people will sell to their target audience:

Underwear. It can say “I’m sexy.” It can say “I’m confident.” But can it say “I’m waiting for marriage?”

That’s what Yvette Thomas is banking on. Her growing line of clothing, WaitWear, plasters slogans like “Virginity Lane: Exit When Married” and “Notice: No Trespassing On This Property. My Father Is Watching” on underwear and T-shirts, and is meant to inspire young people to abstain from sex until they tie the knot.

Yeah, I bet her $2,000,000 in annual sales come from people who believe what’s on their new panties.

UPDATE: Radley Balko concurs.

White House: Schiavo Bill Not a Precedent:

The White House said Monday that an extraordinary law allowing a federal court to intervene in the Terri Schiavo case was narrowly tailored and not intended as a precedent for Congress to step into battles over the fate of seriously disabled or terminally ill patients.

Mmm hm. Operative words are not intended.

The road to this Republic’s hell are paved with non-intentions.

Obviously, it does not worry about consistency.

Dateline: December. Post-Dispatch fires reporter for blogging.

Dateline: March. Lead editorial: FREEDOM OF INFORMATION: Freedom in the blogosphere

Excerpt:

APPLE COMPUTER INC. – the cool dude of computer-makers, the friend of electronic innovation – has itself turned into a bully. It is going to court against Weblog writers, or “bloggers,” who leaked inside information about company innovations to Apple’s cult following of techies.

Make no mistake, gentle reader; this is the Post-Dispatch knocking corporations, not protecting the little man. Kinda like the Post-Dispatch trumpets labor actions by all labor unions but those striking against the Post-Dispatch.

No Stopping Global Warming, Studies Predict

Even if people stopped pumping out carbon dioxide and other pollutants tomorrow, global warming would still get worse, two teams of researchers reported on Thursday.

Well, there you have it. Kyoto’s useless. We’re all doomed. Everyone can mow their lawns during daylight hours now.

Sure, some of us have speculated that it’s how we want to go, but this probably isn’t what we’ve got in mind:

A French woman fatally shot investment banking mogul Edouard Stern “in the course of sexual relations,” Swiss authorities charged yesterday.

Newark, New Jersey, used homeland security grants to buy garbage trucks:

Newark used federal Department of Homeland Security funds to help pay for 10 top-of-the-line, air-conditioned garbage trucks — and a group of state lawmakers think that stinks.

Newark unveiled its new garbage trucks last month — and boasted that the financing had partly come from “Homeland Security grants.”

Republican lawmakers yesterday blasted the city for “misuse” of federal money.

“It goes to the heart of credibility,” said Assemblyman Joseph Pennacchio, who noted New Jersey officials have been lobbying for more anti-terror funds.

“You can’t say we’re buying garbage trucks on one hand and we’re not getting enough Homeland Security money on the other.”

Not to mention that it’s illegal to buy garbage trucks with a Homeland Security grant, says the department.

To the lower governments, Federal tax dollars represent a fungible slush fund for whatever they want to buy. And there’s always more, minus the Federal government’s sizeable vigorish, of course.

Waiter, there’s a nose ring in my soup: Wyoming may ban facial piercings in restaurants

As if the hair in your salad wasn’t bad enough, a city health inspector in Cheyenne, Wyo. said there had been “several cases” of tongue rings and other facial jewelry found in the food in the city’s restaurants.

It was enough to persuade the Governor’s Food Safety Council to recommend banning facial jewelry for restaurant workers who prepare food — perhaps becoming the first state in the country to do so.

No word on brooches, pendants/necklaces, or earrings, many of which are more dangly and eligible to fall off. No, sir, instead, we have a state government moving at lightning speed to ban something based on anecdotal “evidence.”

Unfortunately, we expect nothing less.

Guestblogging at VodkaPundit, someone whose blog I don’t bother with slaps the state of Kansas. Why? Because it’s there.

Face it, Kansas is a plain-Jane. It’s “I Like Ike” and Bob Dole country. It reminds me of my mosted hated food – mayonnaise – pale, bland, uniform in consistency and boring. There’s no ocean, no mountains and its population is hardly a model of diversity. And it’s always going to be that way. A simply mediocre, generic kind of place, totally devoid of bathos, highs or lows.

Unwarranted. really, but undoubtedly it made the author feel better about herself and the state in which she lives.

How are you supposed to answer an ad statum attack?

Update: Dustbury’s thoughts.

Now that a judge in San Francisco has ruled that banning gay marriage invokes the magickal separate but unequal curse, I humbly suggest some other institutions which could use a judicial takedown for promoting separateness but equalness:

• Juvenile courts, which provide separate justice for youths which should have equal weight to adult punishment somehow.
• The Chinese New Year, which presents a separate numbering system and celebration that’s almost like the Gregorian celebration.
• State governments, which present different laws based on geographic location. All laws should be standard across the Fatherland.
• Gender-restricted bathrooms, which although numerous laws have mandated that facilities offer equal numbers of pots to piss in for men and women, women’s bathrooms often have lines out the door. Certainly, separate but unequal; oyez, oyez, all bathrooms shalt be unisex or boththesexes from this day forward throughout the land!
• Salary caps in professional sports, which enforce parity on sports teams, but a parity of pay, not of skill or performance.
• Political news coverage, which has proven to be three times friendlier to Kerry than George W. Bush. So it must be eliminated as it’s separate and unequal. Or made separate and equal under the divine guidance of the judiciary.

Unleash your inner Diana Moon Glampers!

Remember, friends, cameras cannot keep you safe; they can only provide prosecutors and law enforcement officials with leads and evidence after the bad guys do bad things. Control desk failed to notice assault on camera:

A video camera, which is supposed to be monitored by two guards in a command post, shows the two arriving in the holding area between two courtrooms, according to a law enforcement official who viewed the tape.

The video shows Hall guiding Nichols, whose hands are still handcuffed behind his back, face-first into one of two open cells.

Hall releases one cuff and turns Nichols around to unhook the remaining cuff, which is dangling from his wrist. She uncuffs him so he can change from a jail jumpsuit into street clothes.

The muscular, 33-year-old Nichols then lunges at Hall, knocking the petite, 51-year-old woman backward into another cell. Both disappear from camera view.

Because there is no audio recording with the camera, it is unclear whether Nichols shot Hall or caused her severe head injuries by hitting her with his fist and knocking her to the concrete floor.

Two to three minutes later, Nichols emerges from the cell, holding Hall’s gun belt and police radio. He picks up her keys from the floor and locks her inside the cell. Nichols then goes into a nearby cell.

A couple of minutes later he emerges, dressed in civilian clothes. He locks the door behind him and saunters calmly out of the holding area, carrying the gun belt, according to the law enforcement official who viewed the tape. Nichols appears to know exactly which key to use to unlock the holding area door and enters a vacant courtroom on the eighth floor.

The camera silently recorded it all. Remember this whenever your local law enforcement tells you that its new cameras will make your community safer. They will not.