Category: Headlines

Grant will buy HPV vaccine in Missouri

Mother’s pride as first child to be born from frozen egg starts school

Best Buy opens first China outlet

Because when you think of fine dinnerware, you think of Best Buy.

African Union peacekeepers kill 3 in Darfur

Everyone was doing it!

Agency closing ends era in U. City Era ends with closing of agency

Matthew Browning bids for alderman position

‘Shelby’s made our family complete’

I completely get it. Although my life and family are wonderful, a Shelby would only make it better.

Woman charged with using baby as weapon

I think we need a seven day waiting period on babies. Also, a limitation on having more than one every month. And a registration, including safety classes, if you want to carry one in public.

Janet Jackson hoping to turn things around.

Janet Jackson wants to moon America.

Accord averts teachers’ strike in Alton schools

Dryer likely sparked deadly Carlinville explosion

Escort squires celebrity authors, finds them down-to-earth

Illinois to track liquor sales to minor

In other news, the remainder of Illinois’ under-21 population has breathed a sigh of relief that the Man won’t be watching them.

Trivia events turn deadly in tough competition:

In St. Louis County’s VFW Halls and school cafeterias, a mistranslated Latinate, a misremembered movie quote, and even a sports record misstated by two at-bats have been motives for murder.

Fourteen homicides struck neighborhood Trivia Night fundraisers over an 18-month period starting in 2001. The seemingly trivial reasons behind the killings led a prosecutor to label it “Ground Zero for Senseless Murder.”

Oh, sorry, I misread the headline. It’s “Trivial events turn deadly in tough neighborhood,” which is much less amusing than where my mind went.

Record sales and improved margins boost MEMC:

MEMC Electronic Materials Inc. said record sales and improved margins boosted profit in the second quarter. Although profit per share doubled to 36 cents a share for MEMC, that was short of analysts’ predictions that it would earn 42 cents a share.

Silicon and vinyl. They just go together.

Wentzville considers sales tax hike for parks

Dammit, buying a park is expensive enough without an additional government tax on the purchase price. When buying parks is taxed, only the government will buy parks.

Bush jawbones Hezbollah on Mideast peace issue

Unless he slew them with the jawbone of an ass, I don’t see how this verb fits into the characterization of presidential behavior.

Leaders: Broad Immigration Bill Unlikely