So go read Hockey Pundits instead.
(Link seen on The Patriette.)
Lite Posting Because We Sucks
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Author: Brian J. Noggle
Maybe They Ought to Make It A Felony
Looks like someone’s got the bright idea that cops ought to pull over people who are not wearing their seatbelts as a primary offense. The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports that some institutionally-important, but realistically-challenged hack explains:
“Enacting this bill is the single most important life-saving and deficit reduction measure you can take this session. It costs nothing, but will save much,” Healing said in prepared remarks to the Senate Transportation Committee.
That’s a bit frank, isn’t it? After all, we could make the world safer if we only made driving without a seatbelt a felony, but that wouldn’t exactly produce revenue, would it? We could make the world much safer by putting private citizens–you know, the only ones who hurt themselves–into straight jackets and feeding them Ritalin.
Jeez, just what I need, the ability for a cop to pull me over because he thinks he saw me without a seatbelt. Speed can be measured from outside the car. Driving without a brakelight, ditto. But seeing whether the people in the car are wearing seatbelts is not something easily seen from someone outside the car. It’s an excuse to pull people over, and a damn lot of work for a cheap ticket.
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Vote Mom for Unfree Markets
Gee, Thanks, Mom, for sending me this unenlightened e-mail forward:
>A car company can move its factories to Mexico and claim it’s a free market.
>
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>A toy company can outsource to a Chinese subcontractor and claim it’s a free market.
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>A major bank can incorporate in Bermuda to avoid taxes and claim it’s a free market.
>
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>We can buy HP Printers made in Mexico. We can buy shirts made in Bangladesh.
>
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>We can purchase almost anything we want from many different countries BUT, heaven help the elderly who dare to buy their prescription drugs from a
>Canadian (Or Mexico) pharmacy. That’s called un-American!
>
>
>And you think the pharmaceutical companies don’t have a powerful lobby?
File this under When AOL Members Vote!
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Lest I Forget
Visit GDay Mate. That Australian’s got a set o’ Information-systems-industry-venom sacs on him.
I’m almost surprised I haven’t seen Steve Irwin holding him by the arse on Animal Planet.
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World Stops, Briefly
Holy Toledo, and Santa Akron, but the SFGate Web site has a reasonable column on’t. Jennifer Nelson explains how the reaction to The Passion of the Christ shows the media’s disdain for Christian religion.
Excerpt:
No matter what your religious affiliation is, the story of Jesus Christ is an interesting and compelling story of human behavior. I am not Jewish, but I would love Hollywood to produce a major motion picture about Hanukkah, which commemorates the victory of the Jews over the Hellenistic Syrians and is an important lesson in religious freedom. But if such a movie were made, do you think the Hollywood elite would wrinkle their noses and ask, “What would propel Spielberg to make a movie about Hanukkah?” I don’t think so.
In the end, Gibson, who is a conservative Catholic, spent $30 million of his own money to tell a story he believes is important. Every week, movies are released that some filmmaker feels is significant. So, in the spirit of the message on bumper stickers I see on Volvos in Berkeley, “If you don’t support abortions, don’t have one,” if you don’t like Gibson or his religion, don’t go see his movie.
Johnk yeah!
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Protest Too Much
So Jean Boutros Boutrous Aristide claims says U.S. forces kidnapped him because they wanted him out of power. United States officials, including Donald Rumsfeld, Colin Powell, and Scott McClellan have issued denials. How stupid is that?
A more appropriate response would be for Donald Rumsfeld to stand behind a podium and say, with all appropriate hand gestures:
Question: Did the United States Special Forces kidnap Jean-Boutros-Boutros Aristide?
Rumsfeld: You need to ask yourself this question instead: Do you think that the United States armed forces and their special forces have enough technology and expertise to perform an operation of this nature. Look at Aristide. One day, he’s the unpopular ruler of an oppressed country, and then suddenly he wakes up in the savannah with just the clothes on his back and a cell phone with which to call everyone he knows to complain, to ask for cab fare home, or to plead for some anti-lion underwear. Do you think that the special forces within our country can insert into hostile territory, infiltrate a tyrant’s security, tranquilize or otherwise stun him, extract him, fly him half way around the world in a matter of hours, and deposit him into an environment that is both alien and hostile to him. Do you imagine Iranian clerics shocked to find themselves nuzzled by caribou in the Alaskan National Wildlife Refuge, or Fidel Castro coming to alone on a road on the Isle of Wight, or Kim Jong-Il awakening one night in a Philadelphia crack house, surrounded by gang bangers. What, do you think Aristide’s departure was a trial run of some sort? Are you all planning to be the next Tom Clancy with these plots?
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Maybe God Only Saw Fit To Strike Him With Gummi Bears
In Indiana, a college kid decided to wear a devil costume to a screening of The Passion of the Christ. In the self-aggrandizing manner adopted by college students everywhere, the kid explains himself thusly:
When asked what he hoped to accomplish by his actions, Wendell said he likes doing things to get a reaction. He was also inspired by a biography he read about the Marquis de Sade.
De Sade was an 18th century writer who caused scandals with his libertine behavior in pre-revolutionary France. De Sade was once arrested for desecrating the Holy Eucharist to see if God really existed. Wendell said his stunt was along the same lines.
Wendell, an atheist, said, “If God really existed, He would have struck me down for dressing as the devil.” He also wanted to prove “that Christians aren’t as forgiving as they portray”. Wendell says his actions were also partially due to a genuine dislike of Mel Gibson.
Buddy, maybe God didn’t see your hijinks as worthy of the amperage involved in a lightning strike and had a more fitting punishment for you:
Once inside the movie, Christians began pelting Wendell with Gummy Bears, Ju-Ju Bees, and popcorn. Management got involved after a 75-year-old woman, Hazel Meyer, poured a 64-ounce Coca-Cola on Wendell.
(Link seen on Fark.)
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He Says What I Have Been Thinking
Daniel Henninger says what I think about the forces who would stand athwart innovation and technology and shout, “Stop!”
Fear, regulation, and litigation will strip America’s wealth and innovation to benefit of a bunch of trial lawyers and politicians. As well as our rivals on the Pacific Rim.
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More Amendment Ideas
For more comments on amendments we could use to the constitution instead of a gay marriage ban, consult TheAgitator.com.
Update: Lest I forget, Owen wants to enable Congress to override the full faith thingamabob.
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Buy Paperbacks, Kim
Kim du Toit has become enraged about a book he has read. Well, no, operates pretty much from a baseline state of mere rage; however, he read a book that caused him to bellow.
As you all know, I heartily recommend that you read books with which you disagree, or which might anger you, in paperback. This will not nick your drywall or shatter your tchotchkes.
They also make great targets for skeet shooting if you’re so inclined. Complete with flapping action. I think du Toit’s so inclined.
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Sometimes the Punchlines Write Themselves
Headline in the Springfield News-Leader:
County’s gonorrhea cases increase
Rise linked to loss of a state-funded job to track sexually transmitted diseases.
Automatically-generated punchlines:
- With more time on his hands, he could concentrate more on his true passion, spreading the clap.
- With enough state-funded jobs, eventually all disease would be eradicated.
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A Stay at the Compulsory Resort
Just in time to take advantage of the new jail-term-for-illegal-parking described below, St. Charles, Missouri, has decided it’s going to send a bill to lodgers in its Compulsory Resort, previously known as the city jail:
The County Council voted Tuesday night to require such inmates to set up installment repayment plans within six months after they get out of jail. Failure to do so could spur the county to seize and sell the ex-offenders’ property to get some money back.
So after someone gets out of jail, after having his or her income interrupted, possibly losing a job if he or she had one, and making the next job more difficult to get, the lovely city will send a bill which might lead them to suing and seizing property–whatever’s left after the fines for the offense, that is. You city legislators have an interesting theory of reintegration and recidivism-prevention you have there, sirs.
Perhaps we should quote the article more fully:
The County Council voted Tuesday night to require such inmates to set up installment repayment plans within six months after they get out of jail. Failure to do so could spur the county to seize and sell the ex-offenders’ property to get some money back.
The council also passed a pay increase for council members elected later this year and a bill requiring council approval for naming or renaming most county buildings.
Policy made by a cash-hungry government makes awfully poor government of the government, by the government, and for the government. Fellows, you think police speeding ticket quotas suck? Wait until you’re slapped with a six month sentence at a double-occupancy government facility because the County Commission on Revenue’s assistant commissioner needs an office redecoration.
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Because the Legislators Need Busy Work
True to form, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch starts this article on policy off with an anecdote:
Jennifer Bresee was infuriated by the note she found tucked beneath the windshield wiper as she finished shopping at Wal-Mart.
If you’re truly handicapped, you can get a license plate indicating such at the Missouri Department of Revenue license office. If you are merely enjoying the convenience of parking here at the inconvenience of a handicapped person, shame on you.
Bresee did indeed have handicapped plates. But the note’s author apparently noticed only how healthy Bresee looked as she got out of her car and walked into the store. Had the accuser waited a bit longer, the person would have seen Bresee limping all the way back to her car.
“I have multiple sclerosis, which is most times very invisible,” said Bresee, 26, explaining that even a short trip to the store can exhaust her and cause severe leg pain. “Many times, walking back out of the Wal-Mart you can tell, rather than walking into the Wal-Mart.”
So obviously, to make Jennifer feel better, the state must do something? I guess that’s the point the writer of this bit has in mind. However, the something that state legislators have in mind is the obvious: dial up the punishment for people who abuse handicapped parking privileges:
It also would make abuse of the privileges a Class A misdemeanor, punishable up to a year in jail and a $1,000 fine. The legislation would impose the same penalty on doctors who write notes for people who don’t need the special plates.
The measure (SB 1144) was approved 30-0 by the state Senate this week and now awaits a House vote.
A year in jail for illegally parking. Thank goodness our legislators are finally making laws that make sense rather than making feel-good laws with which no person with a heart can disagree.
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Remember Your Position, Serf
Wisconsin Attorney General Peg Lotsalager reminds citizens of their place regarding casino regulation:
It’s more important for the state to be able to regulate casinos than to let the public see the records, Lautenschlager’s opinion says.
The right of the state to earn revenue trumps the right of the public to keep tabs on what the state and the casinos are doing.
Because states’ rights, you know. Don’t think to hard on that, citizen; it’s a class C felony to reflect on the role of government.
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Today’s Civic Lessons
Sorry, kids, I don’t have much to post today, so I will have to send you elsewhere for your civics lessons today. I recommend:
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I Think It Has Something To Do With a Movie
Here’s the St. Louis Post-Dispatch‘s film critic Joe “Bonwich was the food critic at the RFT, Dammit” Williams reviewing The Last Passion of Christ or whatever the damn thing is called.
It is anti-Semitic because Joe knows anti-Semitism when he sees it:
In Gibson’s version of events, the only earthly reason our hero is subjected to this interminable flogging is because he was betrayed by Jews. Those who feared that “The Passion of the Christ” would have an anti-Semitic subtext will have their worst fears confirmed. The unmistakable villain of the movie is Caiaphas (Mattia Sbragia), the leering, lip-smacking high priest who orders Jesus arrested and pays hecklers to demand that he be crucified. By comparison, the Roman overlord Pontius Pilate (the excellent Hristo Shopov) is a fair-minded if fretful bureaucrat who only consents to have Jesus executed to avoid civil unrest.
I don’t know, but I think it would have been a tad inauthentic to make the villain a Swedish media magnate. I thought “authenticity” meant something to people who critique the cinema.
But who am I to argue with the multi-lingual intellectual Williams? After all, he’s apparently fluent in a dead language:
In a scene that has been the subject of much prerelease debate, Gibson plays it coy, eliminating the subtitle when the Jewish onlookers shout, “Let his blood be upon us and our children,” but retaining the offending line in Aramaic.
Since he heard the line spoken and knew what it meant, one can only assume that Williams knows Aramaic, ainna? The other safe assumption might be that Williams has read other criticisms of the movie and is basing his column on what other people said about it, essentially making bullet points into paragraphs as best he can.
But I digress. Let’s play some more “Where’s the Anti-Semitism?” with Joe:
Except for Jesus’ disciples and the two Marys (Maia Morgenstern and Monica Bellucci as the mother and Magdalene, respectively), the Jewish characters are sinister and slovenly. Even some Jewish children are demonized, as they morph into monsters and drive the apostle Judas to suicide.
Jewish children, demonized as they morph into monsters. Heck’s pecs, I haven’t read the New Testament yet, but if they have cool special effects written right into the stage directions like that, perhaps I should. Still, I have a little trouble as a, you know, thoughtful person in thinking that these children which morph into demons to torment Judas morph into demons because they’re Jewish. I think they might have morphed into demons because Judas was tormented, and Jewish children fit into the scene. Munchkins would undoubtedly have been better to prevent anti-Semitism charges. But the Holy Land ain’t Oz.
For some inexplicable reason, Gibson’s scholarship becomes a question, not the movie:
Like his father, who claimed last week that the Holocaust is mostly fiction, Mel Gibson is neither a theologian nor a scholar. Historians – the kind who look at evidence – surmise that Jesus of Nazareth was executed because he fought back when his Middle Eastern homeland was occupied by the world’s most powerful army. That doesn’t fit the obviously heartfelt agenda of the director, who adheres to an embattled offshoot of Catholicism and often portrays a martyr in his movies.
Like me, who last week drank Milwaukee dry of Guinness Draught (well, okay, just one pub), Joe Williams is neither a concert violinist nor professional elephant trainer. But what does that have to do with the price of tee shirts in China? Not an annpacking thing, but it does ad homenim Mel Gibson, particularly the sweet bit about what Mel Gibson’s father said last week wherein Williams hopes some transference occurs in the reader’s mind between the father and the son.
Gibson’s neither Scotch nor Danish, either, but he was in Braveheart and Hamlet, and he had a heartfelt agenda in them, too. To make a film.
Suddenly, if the johnking history, that is to say the interpretation of history currently favored by professional academics, is the final arbiter on critical relevance then Shakespeare’s about to be unemployed. Methinks John Williams better hie himself hence to the University to retain his job, but he’s probably already the journalistic equivalent of tenured.
I don’t imagine I’ll see the film in the theater; maybe on DVD. However, I couldn’t let this review pass unsnarked. Thank you for understanding.
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We Get Results
Another author finds himself mentioned on MfBJN. This time, it’s Michael Craig, author of The 50 Best (and Worst) Business Deals, which I reviewed in December. Michael writes:
I noticed that you read, reviewed, and enjoyed my book, The 50 Best (and Worst) Business Deals of All Time. Let’s not get into WHY I’m doing a Google search of my name. Just call it a sickness that goes with being an author.
Thank you for the kind words. When I complete the next book – it’s about the highest-stakes poker game ever played – I’ll shoot you a copy. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll just mail it to you.
I told him not to worry about Googling himself and thanked him for his kind words, which I suspect he would have for anyone who compared him to Sun Tzu.
Funny, Ann Packer hasn’t written. Come to think of it, I think I shall add annpacker to my pantheon of profanity.
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I Tried, Spoons
Spoons links to a Flash-requiring quiz by Match.com that’s supposed to tell you the type of person to whom you’re physically attracted. The quiz brags that it’s based on a fifteen-year study, undoubtedly funded by members of Congress.
I tried to take the quiz, but I got to the section where the quiz wanted you to select, from among the women you found attractive, the women who you thought would find you unattractive. I couldn’t think of a single woman who would find me unattractive, and it booted me back to the beginning.
No matter; we know the sort of woman I find dead-sexy.
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Thanks, But I Have a Psychological Disorder Hobby Already
Here’s a new bit on Snopes:
Claim: Fecal matter sprayed by flushing toilets can collect on toothbrushes.
Geez, Mikkelson, thanks for the graphic details and the extreme tips, such as:
People tend to leave frequently-used articles where they are normally put to use, which means most of us unthinkingly deposit our toothbrushes on the sink or counter in the bathroom. A better strategy would be to place them in the medicine cabinet between brushings. It pays to keep in mind that while you may remember to close the lid before flushing, not everyone else in the household will always be as diligent.
Actually, there are numerous other tips, but I’m not going to implement them. I spend so much time being a paranoid neurotic that I don’t have any time to add another set of obsessive-compulsive tasks. Sorry.
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Check Your Premises
In his Star-Tribune column, Lileks invokes some statistics, or rather alludes to an article which referred to a study that includes statistics about tall people earning more money:
Tall People are more likely to be paid more money. Each additional inch adds $789 annually to your paycheck. The natural conclusion: If you want a new car, figure out the payments, then head off to Tijuana for an illegal shin augmentation.
Pardon me while I add a hearty “You don’t say” to the conversation. Once you get beyond 6′ 4″, brother, you’re looking at actors, basketball players, and Michael Crichton. Undoubtedly, these fellows alone skew the averages quite upward. I am only 6′ 0″ and I can think of plenty of runts who make more than I do. Of course, I am in the IT industry, and everyone in IT makes more than the cheap QA help.
What was my point? Oh, yeah, read this guy Lileks. He’s an obscure Minnesotan columnist, but just because someone is from the upper Midwest and not Wisconsin is no reason to let him toil in his obscurity.
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