Author: Brian J. Noggle

Who knew Mexico’s armed force had automatic weapons? Too bad all dozen and a half of its forces showed up and interrupted a Marine funeral for a Mexican-American:

Mexican soldiers carrying automatic weapons interrupted the U.S. Independence Day funeral of a U.S. Marine and demanded that the Marine honor guard give up ceremonial replicas of rifles they carried.

Hundreds of friends and relatives packed a small cemetery for the funeral on Sunday of 22-year-old Juan Lopez, who was born in this sun-scorched farming town, immigrated to Dalton, Georgia, as a teenager and became a Marine.

Message received, “allies”. Hey, you guys remember when Mexico was a French possession? Ain’t history fun?

Stop the madness! Now there’s a Pro Plan Performance Bar nutritional supplement for dogs!

Just eliminate yourself from the decision-making process if your choices lead to your death, just like this woman’s estate:

The plaintiff, Linda Lou Poag, executrix of Rubick’s estate, claims that Atkins and two other doctors at the Atkins Center were negligent in treating Rubick’s cancer.

In 1995, Rubick, then 39, underwent a lumpectomy of her right breast for treatment of stage two breast cancer, according to court papers. The surgeon – not affiliated with Atkins – referred Rubick to a traditional oncologist for chemotherapy.

Rubick decided instead to pursue “alternative care” with Dr. Atkins, care that consisted of such “quackery” as dietary manipulation, enemas and vitamin therapy, the suit says. [Emphasis mine, since I’m the only one who seems to think “decide” is an active verb, requiring a subject. Unfortunately, I have no connection with the legal system.]

Apparently, Willie Sutton is the patron saint of attorneys.

I am going to write to my Congressman, Todd Akin, and ask him to introduce a bill into Congress that sets a statute of limitation for pillage and other historical wrongs.

In addition to the newly-normal clamor for slave reparations (for an injustice done 140 years ago at the minimum in this country), it looks as though some people are suing Elizabeth Taylor over a painting that’s been in her family for two generations now, which is 41 years in absolute reckoning:

Descendants of Margarete Mauthner allege “View of the Asylum of Saint-Remy” was taken from the German woman during World War II, and are demanding that Taylor returns the painting, which appraisers said could fetch $10 million to $15 million at auction.

Taylor, whose father bought her the painting at a London auction in 1963, has filed a lawsuit seeking a pre-emptive court declaration that she is the rightful owner of the painting, which hangs in the living room of her Bel-Air estate.

After forty years, descendents are suing, which means that no one involved in the pillaging is available for testimony. I understand it’s fifteen million dollars in the balance, but give me a break. Undoubtedly, each dollar and possession that passes through my hands has some unethical heritage in its ancestry if one were to look deeply enough, and with enough imagination, but that does not give others the right to take it from me in the name of their wronged ancestors from millenia past.

From a story in today’s St. Louis Post-Dispatch:

A robber probably figured he found an easy target when he saw a blonde in spaghetti straps walking alone in a Westport Plaza parking lot early Thursday.

But he picked the wrong woman.

The purse he snatched was tucked under the arm of an off-duty St. Louis County police officer who wouldn’t let it go without a fight.

As Fark would say, jailarity ensues. Unfortunately, Fark has yet to coin the term broken-kneecaparity ensues.

UPDATE: From the “I Wish I Would Have Said That” Department, we offer Aaron of Free Will Blog’s take:

At least the Post-Dispatch didn’t run it with the headline “Jobless Man’s Kneecap Broken After Woman Is Mugged”.