John Kerry Wants Iraqi Secret Police

Some people think John Kerry called American soldiers terrorists, but that’s a stretch. He did, however, say that Iraqi troops should be terrorizing the Iraqi people. Here’s one of the only transcriptions of the comments from last week’s Face the Nation that I could find:

There is no reason, Bob, that young American soldiers need to be going into the homes of Iraqis in the dead of night, terrorizing kids and children, you know, women, breaking sort of the customs of the — of — of — of — historical customs, religious customs, whether you like it or not. Iraqis should be doing that.

Let’s replace the relative pronound that with its antecedent, and Kerry says:

Iraqis should be oing into the homes of Iraqis in the dead of night, terrorizing kids and children, you know, women, breaking sort of the customs of the — of — of — of — historical customs, religious customs, whether you like it or not.

Perhaps in Kerry’s world, Iraq was better off with Saddam, since under his rule, Iraqis were doing just that.

Casinoport, Missouri, Municipal Snow Removal Plan Executive Summary

The sun’ll come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there’ll be sun.

Just thinkin’ about tomorrow clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow ’til there’s none.

When we’re stuck with a day that’s gray and snowy, we just stick out our chin and grin and say, “Oh!”

The sun’ll come out tomorrow, so ya gotta hang on ’til tomorrow come what may. Tomorrow! Tomorrow! We’ll love ya tomorrow. You’re always a day away.

Undue Process

So is this Alito guy confirmed yet, or what?

No? How come criminals have the right to a speedy trial, but nominees to the freaking courts don’t have the right to a speedy confirmation vote?

(Professor Bainbridge has more on the latest ginned-up controversy from Alito’s past.)

Message from Interstate 70 Westbound, 5 pm.

You know what really pushes my buttons in traffic? The single thing that turns me from mild-mannered, but mildly-sadistic-QA-person into a seething hulk of inhuman anger?

A bumper sticker that says Stop Road Rage.

I mean, not only does that particular driver think that he’s got an inside track into the psychology of the human condition, but also he thinks that you’re a weak-minded soul upon whom his Jedi mind trick of a bumper sticker will have some influence after he’s cut you off, zip zip, while on the phone so he could move one car ahead in the jam to the exit and prompting your extreme braking with a methamped trucker on the road for 9:58 and wanting to make Forrestel in the next two minutes before his rig shuts off on your tail, the Mack’s lights so bright in your rearview mirror that you’re tanning, now burning.

No, the Stop Road Rage bumper sticker works reverse psychology and actually boosts road rage. It’s only slightly more annoying than the Prevent Child Abuse license plates profferred by the state of Missouri with the colorful handprints-in-green-paint-on-a-white-wall motif that indicates another damn mess made by the kid that you’ll have to clean up that deserves a spanking or too, all the while with Missouri not offering an opposing viewpoint with the inspirational message of Corporal Punishment Builds Good Republicans and a colorful belt logo.

But, ah, we’re off the brakes and moving now past the friendly Motorist Assist truck behind the Corolla on the jack. Never mind, life is good.

Steinberg, Condensed

For those of you who don’t want to read Neil Steinberg’s columns, allow me to summarize today’s:

  1. Blackberry users are rude, and the law should outlaw rudeness.

    Of course, Some of us live outside the urban media world and its satellites in Chicago, New York, Washington, D.C., and California and can’t think of a single person who uses Blackberry rudely or otherwise. We can at the issue abstractly and recognize the dangers inherent in the patent process as made concrete through this case and realize that its precedent and example of government intrusion into industry and our lives far exceeds our own pet peeves.

  2. Thrivent for Lutherans is whacky in conception, but cool.

    As I (your host, Brian J.) am married to a card-carrying Lutheran, I hope it’s also lucrative.

  3. Illegal immigrants aren’t as bad as people who think illegal immigrants are bad.

    To quote the maestro:

      I wrote them back — every one, until I got tired of it — asking what other international laws are being broken that they are hot and excited about? Or is it just this one? See, to me, that is where the racism comes in. Nobody in the world writes TOO MANY MANGOS are ENTERING THIS COUNTRY in VIOLATION OF THE FRUIT IMPORT QUOTAS.

    It’s not international law. It’s United States law, which is more important. Also, we who oppose illegal immigration often think prevention of unchecked border crossing is more important than the legislation slathered on by protectionists who care about limiting the import of Canadian wood or the environmentalists who care to limit the import of shelled pets from Costa Rica. But some of us conservatarians are bothered by the hobgoblins of foolish, consistent prioritization.

If you, gentle reader, will read on, you’ll see I’ve posted thrice this evening; why should I not deserve a column in a daily?

Crikey, how ungrateful can one man be? After all, Steinberg once called the author of MfBJN as a “genuis”, or at least might have said something I posted was “genuis” once. Ungrateful, perhaps, but I prefer to consider myself the sole remaining paladin of Bob Greene, whom Steinberg routinely snarks in his columns.

Teach Your Children Well

Boys hurt on bikes sue Wal-Mart, importer: Marin trial to focus on wheel clasp used on millions of cycles:

He and eight other boys from around the nation are suing retail giant Wal-Mart Stores Inc., which sold the bikes, and a San Rafael company that imported them from China. A trial in the case begins Monday in a Marin County courtroom, and the youths are expected to testify about smashing their faces into pavement after the front wheels came loose.

The lawsuit asserts that the so-called quick-release devices on the front wheels malfunctioned when the bikes hit bumps. The clasps, used on millions of bicycles, are designed to hold the front-wheel axle to the frame and allow the wheel to be easily removed for repairs or transport.

The boys and their parents also claim that Wal-Mart conspired with Dynacraft BSC Inc. of San Rafael and Carl Warren & Co., which investigated complaints for the importer, to cover up the defects.

Nine kids fell off of their bikes, and it’s the fault of the bikes….although millions have been sold and none have been recalled or otherwise cited officially for safety concerns.

When I was a child, we used to take our old Kent bikes down the side of a freeway embankment past some electrical transmission towers at high rates of speed. I’d like to think it was skill, but it was probably also a large amount of luck that kept me from serious injury. But assuming I had come to harm, in the early 1980s and even though we were poor, we wouldn’t have sued for recompense. What a pity, as it offered such lucrative targets:

  • The Federal government, for building overpasses where children had access to the steep embankments.
  • Kent, for making bicycles without frictional inertial dampening systems that limited us to sissy speeds.
  • The power company, for not putting bumpers on the legs of its transmission towers.
  • The City of Milwaukee, for not replacing dirt and grass with a comfortable poly-foam of some sort.

The lead plantiff in this case says he cannot absorb information like he used to. Hell, I don’t absorb information like I used to, either. But, on the bright side for this young man, he’s certainly absorbing the litigious lotto lessons of his environment well enough.

Collier Speaks Truth To Power

VodkaPundit2 uses a quote from Nolan Bushnell to explain why 18 million video game players represents a net loss over 20 million gamers over the last 20 years.

To his entry, I’ll add this codicil: This will explain the growing popularity of games like Luxor, Zuma, Bejewelled, PopCap games, simple Yahoo! games, Uproar, and other sites moving into the simple games space. Granted, their games won’t have the glitz of super graphics nor of Hollywoodization of video games, but in terms of profitability and marketshare, they will eat Take Two Studios’ lunch.

What Kind Of Blogger Are You?

Dustbury asks, sorta, and I answer in comments:

I tend to be more of an eighth type of blogger, the search-phrase blogger, who derives most of his traffic for weird fetishes explainable only by combinations of seemingly random terms.

Sad, but true: Although I’ve been doing this rather steadily for 2.5 years, my beautiful wife draws more traffic because of her legs than I do for my wit.

You see? You clicked the link above because I sorta said “beautiful legs.”

Some Libertarians Up There Love Me

A shout out to Kevin Craig for Congress, the official blog of the Libertarian candidate for Missouri’s 7th District.

I was formerly listed as a Republican Blogger in the sidebar, but I see now I’m a Missouri blogger. Thanks, Jake (the Missouri Libertarian), for not pigeonholing me. Remember, although I’ve never had a Republican candidate for Senate at one of my parties, I did keep up drinking with the Libertarian candidate for Senate at my thirtieth birthday party.