Brian Sides With Big Business, Again

CNet reports that Cities brace for broadband war. Why a war?

A hundred years ago, when Louisiana was still literally in the dark, residents of Lafayette banded together to build a city-owned electric utility where once there was little more than swampland. Today, at the dawn of the 21st century, it is hatching plans to lay out its own state-of-the-art fiber-optic broadband network.

This time, the city’s futuristic ambitions are challenged not by the rigors of geography but by obstacles of business: specifically, telecommunications giant BellSouth and cable provider Cox Communications, which claimed the region as their own years ago. But the historic coastal community, known for its eclectic culture and rhythmic Zydeco music, is not about to abandon the pioneering spirit that begat its visionary reputation.

So who’s resisting? Aside from advocates of a limited government, who think that governments shouldn’t waste vast sums of money on gee-whiz gimcracks that benefit a limited number of residents, the businesses whose customers the local government is turning into government dependents:

Across the country, acrimonious conflicts have erupted as local governments attempt to create publicly funded broadband services with faster connections and cheaper rates for all citizens, narrowing the so-called digital divide. The Bells and cable companies, for their part, argue that government intervention in their business is not justified and say they are far better equipped to operate complex and far-flung data networks.

You know I agree with the businesses here. Just because the government can provide a service doesn’t mean it should. Who on the green, green earth would want all of their Internet traffic going directly through routers and servers managed by the government? I guess those who would get it free and would eventually fight tooth and nail, complete with sob stories about how little Timmy wouldn’t get his educational Internet or streaming media, should the government ever need to cut the superfluous expense.

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My Hero

Security for the Paranoid:

I use very long passwords for everything, even with the lamest accounts I have. I require my kids to use at least 14 character passwords on our home network and I’m considering issuing them smart cards. No one else, not even my wife, knows my network password.

I don’t just throw out shredded documents; I spread the shredded bits into my garden to use as mulch.

I don’t do it because I think someone is going to go through my trash to reassemble bits of my research notes. I do it because it’s good security. I try to run my own network the same way I tell my clients to.

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A Fool and His IT Budget

Firewall to zap XML viruses:

Salt Lake City-based Forum Systems plans to announce the addition of the antivirus module to XWall on Monday. It will be available at the beginning of May, with pricing ranging from $5,000 to $40,000.

The 5-year-old company is one of several companies that make software or devices for securing applications that use XML to format data or XML-based communications protocols, called Web services.

$40,000 piece of hardware specifically to block bad XML from coming into your company? Lord, love a duck, I though XML Schema Documents (XSD) did that.

There is a need for XML-specific products, according to these companies and industry analysts, because traditional security products are designed primarily to inspect Internet protocols, rather than XML or Web services protocols.

Obfuscation is a virus, too. Those Web services protocols determine how XML messages are formatted, but they’re still sent over common Internet messages that use the same traditional Internet protocols that your native firewalls block. If someone is triggering a denial of service using SOAP against one of your public Web services, you’ll do the same thing you do when blocking a traditional DOS attack: You’ll block the IP addresses from the incoming flood or you’ll block/change the port number/URI of the Web service. No special XML-sniffing necessary.

But now they’ve expanded the service to include software that scans for XML Viruses, which are pretty common, hey?

Although they have not seen viruses written specifically for XML, these applications are still not adequately protected, executives from Forum Systems and CA said.

The only adequate prevention is heat; that is, just burning money on an XML-virus-sniffing and firewall product is the only thing that can protect you from XML! And SOAP! And all the potentially-malevolent buzzwords you don’t understand!

After all, gentle reader, your organization is at risk!

Forum Systems CEO Wes Swenson predicted that XML viruses will become common as people store Office documents in XML format and as developers use the Simple Object Access Protocol, which is written in XML, in tools for company-to-company communication.

The difference between XML files and Office document file types is that XML doesn’t execute code in and of itself. Wrapped in SOAP, an XML document can trigger the execution of a Web service, but that’s not an XML virus. Viruses need to run their contents to propogate, and if you’ve got an XML document that can propogate itself using SOAP, you’ve got a problem with your Web service.

But never mind that; spend the $40,000 and feel good about yourself.

“When you do have an XML-based virus attack, it will affect mission-critical servers as opposed to e-mail server and Web servers,” Swenson said.

The very words mission-critical indicate that CNET has passed on a press release as a news story. XML viruses don’t exist, and cannot exist unless you’ve got an XML-consuming application that’s poorly written and vulnerable to buffer overflow errors or, heaven forfend, runs code contained in XML messages. A DOS attack on a Web service will affect the servers hosting the “mission-critical” Web services, but you don’t need this guy’s product to deal with it.

But, hey, if corporations want it, let them have it.

Meanwhile, I am hard at work here in the lab to protect corporations from insidious ASCII text file viruses. Did you know that your company uses hundreds or thousands of these potentially hazardous files every day and that they can be transmitted through e-mail attachments or automatically copied from the Internet or across networks. And unlike XML files, ASCII flat files, particularly those with file extensions of .java, .cpp, or .vb, can contain malicious code that can take control of your desktop when executed.

Watch soon for the money-sucking Jeracor ASCII Virus Firewall, coming soon.

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Mad Libs Feature Writing

FanC a d8? Never fear, text messaging is here:

Welcome to (INSERT TECHNOLOGY), the newest, easiest way to show someone you’re interested. Simply (INSERT TECHNOLOGY USE). No more love letters, no more “baby, what’s your sign?” and best of all, no more face-to-face rejection.

“It’s such an easy way to break the ice,” Holstack said. “Approaching girls in a bar can be so intimidating and this takes the approach part out of the equation. The worst reaction I could have gotten was her not replying and I’ll take that over her laughing in my face any day.”

Holstack, it seems, is not alone. With more than 30 million registered (INSERT TECHNOLOGY) users sending more than 30 billion (INSERT TECHNOLOGY) each month, it’s clear that romance seekers like (INSERT TECHNOLOGY USER) will not be without a date for long. More than 50,000 people are registered for (INSERT TECHNOLOGY) in Missouri, with 8,800 in the St. Louis area alone, suggesting that many people are beginning to realize that their (INSERT DEVICE) can also be the key to a successful dating life.

Let’s try some of these combinations from the past:

  • Poetry; write a sonnet; poetry; pieces of doggerel; Lord Byron; poetry; quilled pens.
  • Video Dating Services; tape yourself discussing what you want; video camera; video tapes; Mike Jones; video dating services; VCR.
  • Bulletin Board Systems; connect to a BBS computer and post; modem; bulletin board messages; John Smith; BBS Handles; modem.
  • Chat rooms; answer an age/sex check; AOL; chat conversations; STLDAD4CHIX; chat rooms; computer.
  • Instant message; type a message; IM; messages; janedoe@hotmail.com; IM clients; computer.
  • wireless text flirting; punch in the requisite letters, type in your destination phone number, and hit send; text users; text messages; SMS
    (short messaging service); cell phone.

Hey, I got a precognition!

Welcome to Cranial Bluetooth Implants, the newest, easiest way to show someone you’re interested. Simply pass by the attractive member of the desired gender identity. No more love letters, no more “baby, what’s your sign?” and best of all, no more face-to-face rejection.

“It’s such an easy way to break the ice,” Holstack said. “Approaching girls in a bar can be so intimidating and this takes the approach part out of the equation. The worst reaction I could have gotten was her not replying and I’ll take that over her laughing in my face any day.”

Holstack, it seems, is not alone. With more than 350 million registered government-mandated implantees sending more than 30 billion Bluetooth thought transmissions each month, it’s clear that romance seekers like 19897267 will not be without a date for long. More than 350,000,000 people are registered for tracking in the United States, with 800 remaining residents in the St. Louis area alone, suggesting that many people are beginning to realize that their proper thoughts can also be the key to a successful dating life.

Every generation rediscovers the uses of current technology in dating, and it’s always the hippest thing about which to write.

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AOL Is Funny

AOL is a funny animal. Hey, I’ll admit I first got onto the Internet using AOL and that I still use AOL (I’m a Web application tester, gentle reader, so I use more browsers and operatings systems on any given day than you’ll probably use in a year). But come on, some of their things are just funny.

Let’s start with this scenario. You know how AOL always warns you that no one from AOL will ever ask for your credit card information, your password, and so on? Well, if your credit card information changes (such as a new expiration date), what does AOL do?

Of course! It throws up a prompt for you to enter credit card information:

AOL Billing

Why, oh why, would AOL expect its users to type their information into a prompt like this? Because they’re AOL customers, that’s why!

Back in the dial-up days of the mid nineteen nineties, AOL had trouble getting enough lines at its access numbers to accommodate the surging demand. Some people were leaving their computers connected when they weren’t at the computer, tying up those precious lines. So AOL deployed the Idle Message, a message that popped up for every user fifty minutes after the user logged in; if the user didn’t click OK to indicate they were still using the computer, AOL booted them. Many times, it kicked me off in the middle of a download. Handy.

Apparently, AOL’s gotten more sophisticated and has set the message to determine when the user is not doing something. I assume such because it’s called the Idle Message. I’ve never seen it, but I have seen this:

AOL Idle Message Off

That’s right, since I have apparently turned off the Idle Message in my AOL for Broadband connection, AOL still pops up a message box to indicate I have been idle. The titlebar? Idle Message Off.

I think that AOL is trying to use paradoxes and irony to cause a rift in the space-time continuum so it can reach through to an alternate universe where its merger with Time-Warner was a good idea. It’s only a working theory, though, and I might be wrong.

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Go Phish

Some phish scammers really don’t put any effort into it. Check out this phish I received today and the domain that displays when I mouse over the “official” link provided:

Go Phish
Click for full size

I mean, come on, how about registering a second host name aside from your primary line of business, pornography, guys? Is a little effort too much to expect from confidence boys?

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A Technology Consumers Won’t Embrace

Ever need to phone 7,000 people at once?

If you ever need to get in touch with several–or several thousand–people at once, Send Word Now has the software for you.

The New York City-based start-up is promoting a communication application at PC Forum that lets a user type a message on a PC that then transforms into a phone call to a few people, or a few thousand. (PC Forum is owned by CNET Networks, owner of News.com.)

Though the urgent message currently needs to be typed into a PC (or broadcast from a company’s server farm), on April 7, Send Word Now will announce that customers can broadcast messages with a Palm handheld.

Wonder how companies will use this technology, huh? Two words: Phone Spam.

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Brian Likes the URL String

In my capacity in software QA working on Web applications, I know there’s no easier means of havoc than to mess with the URL string sent to the Web application. Looks as though some “hackers” have discovered the same with a university application, um, application:

The ApplyYourself code had a bug such that editing the URL in the “Address” or “Location” field of a Web browser window would result in an applicant being able to find out his admissions status several weeks before the official notification date. This would be equivalent to a 7-year-old being offered a URL of the form http://philip.greenspun.com/images/20030817-utah-air-to-air/ and editing it down to http://philip.greenspun.com/images/ to see what else of interest might be on the server.

But I bet the company saved a bundle of money by avoiding the whole quality assurance thing.

(Link seen on Outside the Beltway.)

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The End is Nigh

On September 30, 2005, Teddy Ruxpin became self-aware:

The teddy bear sitting in the corner of the child’s room might look normal, until his head starts following the kid around using a face recognition program, perhaps also allowing a parent talk to the child through a special phone, or monitor the child via a camera and wireless Internet connection.

Therapists from the future undoubtedly provided the venture capital for this innovation.

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Special Shout At

And I’d like to send this little shout at to Netscape, whose 7.2 browser has a setting to block unsolicited pop-up ads, but whose default home page, http://home.netscape.com/, gets around the browser setting and throws a pop-up ad anyway.

That’s smooth, fellows. Way to destroy any brand loyalty you might have had from us old-school dogs.

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Deploy the Lovecraft

Lileks on people who knock the iPod:

Let me speak for millions here who just want to listen to music: I don’t care about Ogg Vorbis. If Ogg Vorbis came to my house and waved tentacles at me demanding in a slobbery moan that I kneel and submit, I would shoot it. I don’t know what it is and I don’t care.

Ïa! Ïa! Ogg Vorbis the Infernal Codecs with a thousand bits!

Undoubtedly, certain swarthy cultists are swaying and chanting esoteric eldritch hymns even know. Probably amid a foetor, too.

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That Will Do The Trick

To combat SQL databases that are free if you could only properly download and install the things, Microsoft announces a SQLServer price cut:

The company plans to introduce SQL Server 2000 Workgroup, a version for small businesses priced at $3,899 per processor, in the first half of this year. It will also add several features to the upcoming SQL Server 2005 update, which is due in the summer, and extend a reselling relationship with Dell, which will allow its customers to get support from the PC maker.

Yeah, that ONLY FOUR GRAND will surely reel in cash strapped small businesses and startups.

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Misplaced Paranoia

In a column entitled Desktop search threatens your privacy, columnist David Sheets builds a long story about how desktop search applications can threaten your privacy. His main point stems from the thought summed up in first part of the following quote:

“The thing is, somebody who sits down at your computer after you’ve just used it can go back and look at everything you’ve done, even if you’ve just used your credit card to buy something or typed in your password to your bank account,” Moore said. “If no one has access to your computer, then you’re OK, for the most part.”

You know, if someone untrustworthy sits down at your computer and wants to do bad things, he or she is not going to use your desktop search. He or she will install backdoors and keystroke loggers and can just use Windows Explorer or the freaking Start menu to go through everything on your PC at will.

But some of you want the advice of your shidoshi of paranoia, and I will dispense the wisdom. What can you do to prevent someone from sitting at your computer and finding out your innermost secrets or sitting at your computer and installing malicious software?

You must always properly secure your computer chair.

Your revered sensei of paranoia always locks his computer chair in the closet when he’s going to be away from his desk; as anyone knows, a burglar with hacking skills or an FBI agent with a court-ordered spyware kit won’t be able to work their dark magic on his computer if they don’t have somewhere to comfortably sit while doing so. Hackers, social engineers, and their ilk simply won’t abide by standing, kneeling, sitting on the desk, or bringing their own folding chairs to your computer.

This simple step, often overlooked by computer users, can render your computer more secure immediately.

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Wrong Focus

AOL to expand capabilities in Web searches:

America Online is expanding its online search capabilities in an effort to establish a bigger presence in the lucrative search-advertising market.

AOL is expected to announce on Thursday that it has teamed up with several technology suppliers to help it offer expanded search functions, such as improved geographic-based searches, clustering results by topic and helping people refine their searches through suggested alternative keywords.

AOL plans to expand the advertising appearing on its search page, the article said. It will also use the unusual approach of charging advertisers based on how many telephone calls are generated by their ads.

No word about improving the customer experience; if anything, it looks like it will adversely impace the user experience with the inclusion of more advertising.

Perhaps AOL should stop the continuous loop of Field of Dreams at headquarters. Just because you build it does not mean the users will come.

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Zoo-Sized Pet Peeve

You know, I really hate when advertisements in online papers require an additional download to view. For example, in the stories today on StL Today, the online arm (complete with swinging arm flab) of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, an in-article advertisement needs a plug in and instead of displaying with all its clock-cycle-grabbing beauty, overlays the actual text in the story.

Here’s a quick word to you online marketing types: I am not going to download a plugin to see advertising. What were you thinking? Pinheads.

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The Government is my Firewall

Whenever I read a story like the one I saw on CNN.com entitled “Bush pressed for more Net security“, I immediately start putting the words crony and capitalist together and start leaving laissez-faire alone. For once we get into the details-that is, the first paragraphs-we see what this group wants:

Computer-security experts, including former government officials, urged the Bush administration on Tuesday to devote more effort to strengthening defenses against viruses, hackers and other online threats.

The Bush administration should spend more on computer-security research, share threat information with private-sector security vendors, and set up an emergency computer network that would remain functional during Internet blackouts, a computer-security trade group said.

It’s a trade group, which represents companies that take money to do computer security services such as researching computer-security, sharing threat information with private sector security vendors (each other), and setting up emergency computer networks to remain functional during Internet blackouts. That is, the trade group wants the government to devote money to pay to the trade group’s members. The call is as relevant as any group of potato farmers or mohair ranchers shrieking that the people of the United States need their product to survive.

I am alarmed, however, with the amount of play and seriousness given to the idea that the government should do something to ensure the security of computer networks. As companies have sacrificed security in developing their infrastructures and network capabilities in favor of cost savings, expediency, and convenience, they should not expect a government bailout now. The government undoubtedly should expend public funds to ensure that its capabilities remain intact during an emergency, but it shouldn’t retrofit, expensively and bureauwastefully, security for any factory or utility that placed its flow controls online on the Internet for convenience and a chance to lay off people who would have to check those controls in person. I don’t want to spend tax money to ensure that my bank is secure nor that my credit card companies can weather an attack, nor to ensure that my power company can continue delivering amperage down my pipes; that’s a cost of business, which the businesses often pass on to me through service fees and surcharges so that those costs don’t come out of the profit margin and the shareholder’s take.

However, since these lobbyists want the best of all worlds: surcharges to charge consumers for the cost of business and the government, and by that I mean us taxpayers, actually paying for the costs of business. Since the customer or taxpayer backlash hasn’t arisen, Willie, it’s go time.

As a taxpayer and a customer, I don’t look forward to the expanding synergy between government security administration and private industry. Let’s take an example from recent history: airports. Airlines, leaky boats which the government frequently bails out with buckets of taxpayer cash, and airport authorities, government bureaucracies in their own right in many cases and not very good at for-profit in others, abdicated their obligation to secure their places of business. First, they took government funds to pay for their own surly security employees, and when that wasn’t enough, the government stepped in and provided its own employees, surly and unaccountable to the private sector, to grope grandma.

So call it a slippery slope if you will, but private/public partnerships do resemble a water park. If a group of lobbyists paid highly by companies, whether profitable or failing, calls for government aid, they often get more than we customers or taxpayers want or deserve. Imagine a decade hence, when companies have pissed away the government funding on efforts to secure further government funding–which is where most government funding goes, even in the government. The private-public partnership has failed, and some legislator who wants to get on television midwifes the Computer Security Administration (CSA). This new authority dictates that computer owners must install the government flavor of McAfee anti-virus and must allow the government to schedule scans twice a week. Anyone who does not let the government perform its security function, loosely defined by Congress and arbitrarily envisioned by a mid-level Homeland Security manager looking forward to a better appointed position, faces a fine or felony charges just like impudent fliers do now. Our leadership class explains that responsible Internet travellers must accept this sacrifice, and the media will find some AOL user to explain that it’s a good idea and doesn’t impair his experience at all (it wouldn’t). The government gets to scan your hard drive every night for the good of the nation, and if you don’t like it, in four years you can vote for a different legislator too timid to agitate for its reversal.

Once the government takes over the security, all customer ill will regarding the inconvenience and the intrusiveness of the practices goes to the government and its employees, and the companies and their trade groups can only shrug their collectivist shoulders and say to their customers, sorry, it’s the government running its fingers over your shapely posterior, not us. All responsibility for irresponsibility successfully shirked, the trade groups can turn their attention to the next government handout–and hand over.

Sound crazy? Imagine what you would have thought about current TSA practices in 1994. Or 1987.

To make a short story long, Internet and corporate network security are not the government’s business. They’re the exclusive burden of companies who choose to participate in networks and of the consortia and standards bodies and organizations, well, organized by private industry. If our “capitalist” industries cede that obligation to the government, they’re putting their short term cost savings ahead of the ultimate best interests of their customers and the interests of the citizens of the Republic.

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Open Sourcers Hate Technical Writers

There, I’ve said it: those whack job developers in the open source movement absolutely hate technical writers and seek, in their passive aggressive ways, to make communications professionals look stupid. My proof? Recursive abbreviations.

Look, when a technical writer puts an abbreviation into a document, he or she should spell it out the first time, like this: Java Server Pages (JSP).

But these damn silly recursive abbreviations look really silly when presented this way: PHP Hypertext Protocol (PHP) or GNUs Not UNIX (GNU).

It’s designed so that technical writers cannot sound intelligent while trying to explain the esoteric and eldritch secrets of the divine open-source technology technotheocracy and so that the rabble–that is, the users, cannot fathom the depths of their geniuses.

Pathetic, that’s what it is. And I call it.

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