To be able to say "Noggle," you first must be able to say "Nah."
Now he’s apparently channelling the Kids in the Hall:
Hussein later lashed out at “agents of Iran and Zionism” in the courtroom and vowed to “crush your heads.”
For intelligence into how this is possible, I refer you to the following documents:
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Iraq’s prime minister announced plans to visit Iran on Monday, just days after his deputy returned from the country, accompanied by several top officials.
Whereas some people will no doubt say, “We toppled Saddam Hussein to make a little Iran?”, I can only rebut, “Well, it’s a free country.”
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Democratic Senator Edward Kennedy today attended an immigration rally, which means an amnesty for illegal immigrants rally in Washington to show his support for the cause. However, his speech proffers a possibly ill-interpreted turn of phrase:
And if we can’t get this Congress to pass fair immigration reform now, we’ll elect a new Congress in November that will pass it.
No doubt the we means the naturalized citizens and I, but given that he’s speaking before a crowd that could, quite possibly contain some non-naturalized gente, doesn’t it sound almost as though Edward Kennedy is exhorting illegal aliens to vote Democratic in November?
One could easily make that mistake, couldn’t one?
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In a story about how Macy’s will revitalize downtown when its preceding Famous-Barr gave up and lie curled in a fetal position at the corner of 6th and Olive, we have a gusher:
“This is exactly the punch in the arm downtown needed,” she said. “I think this is just the beginning. Famous-Barr had been here for years. Then Macy’s took it over and, boom, they brought it back.”
There you have it. Macy’s is giving downtown a punch in the arm. Sorta like the bigger kids in gym class. No word on when Macy’s will demand the lunch money of downtown, but all corporations do, sooner or later.
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Debra J. Saunders speaks ill of Steve Irwin:
Irwin did not deserve to die — but his death can hardly be considered a surprise. It was the predictable end that followed the marriage of a dangerous hobby with a dangerous conceit — and better Irwin than the baby.
Poor form, Debra.
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I don’t know which makes me feel better in this story.
That the pilot locked himself out of the cockpit:
Or that he could get back into the locked cockpit:
I think Big Oil set this all up to make people drive more.
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Sylvester Brown, St. Louis Post-Dispatch, writes in a cites a couple of things in the column entitled Blaming blacks is popular with some, but it’s perilously naive:
A few weeks ago, an NPR “Morning Edition” segment featured interviews with Emmy Award-winning correspondent and author Juan Williams and writer John McWhorter. Black leaders “excuse crime and poverty,” said McWhorter, while Williams chided leaders who embrace the “notion of victimhood.”
And:
In his commentary last week, New York Times columnist Bob Herbert described the “indications of a culture of failure . . . boys saying it’s a ‘rite of passage’ to go to jail . . . or kids telling other kids that if they’re trying to do well in school, they’re trying to ‘act better than me’ or ‘trying to act white.'”
But watch the subtle shift to the straw man:
This diatribe – that the black man is inherently flawed, violent and savage – is older than the Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria. Heck, a twisted interpretation of Noah’s curse on the dark-skinned descendants of his son, Ham, offered biblical rationale for dark servitude.
Brown cites his opponents who chastise individuals (leaders and boys) and a man-made, man-maintained, and (to some extent) man-chosen construct (culture) and then promptly attributes to them to an unchosen and uncontrollable factor (race). In doing so, Brown not only mischaracterizes his opponents’ views, but also strips the people whom his opponents criticize for the behavior the opponents criticize.
Well-played, sir! Illogical and, if intentional, duplicitous.
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If they’re against it, I’m for it: Lawyers don’t recommend retention of 2 county judges.
They probably have good reasons, but why humor lawyers?
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Got a banned dog breed? Disguise it as a poodle.
(Link seen on The Agitator.)
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Up to 14 hurt in SF hit-and-run spree:
As many as 14 people were injured this afternoon by a motorist who drove around San Francisco running them down before he was arrested, authorities said.
But it could be something:
Authorities have identified the man who was arrested as Omeed Aziz Popal, who has addresses in Ceres (Stanislaus County) and Fremont.
I’m certainly sensitive to the possibility.
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A large public works project that goes hundreds of millions over budget, leads to suits and counter suits between the city and the contractors, and leads to an unsustainable business model that’s freshly-mewling for more tax money. What could make it better? Oh, yeah, brag about the tunnels:
Instead of burrowing underground like miners, crews ripped open Forest Park Parkway and dug a trench that in some places is 45 feet deep. Reinforced concrete shored up the tunnel walls, and massive precast concrete tops – some weighing up to 30 tons – covered the tunnel.
Oh, boy.
I suspect this one, as only a minor boondoggle, won’t collapse, but if it does, we can easily point our fingers at nearby home owners who will have cost lives to maintain their property values.
Also, the ACLU, somehow.
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Boy Scouts rescue toddler in river:
A troop of Boy Scouts on a camping trip saved an 18-month-old girl who had fallen in a river upstream from them and was floating face down, officials said.
James Taranto of Best of the Web Today reminds us:
The ACLU describes the Boy Scouts as “an organization that will go the way of the Daughters of the American Revolution in losing its place in American life if it does not end its discriminatory practices.”
If the ACLU had its way, the intolerant organization wouldn’t exist, and that little girl would be dead.
I suppose some secularists and nontraditionalists would say that something would arise to take the Boy Scouts place and to teach young men to love and respect themselves and nature and embraces homosexuality, but I’m not so optimistic. One thing’s for sure, though; the Boy Scouts were prepared when they needed to be in this instance (and, no doubt, in many others). Fortunately for the little girl, her family, and for the future people she’ll touch in her wonderful life.
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He wrote:
Today’s Post-Dispatch has almost all the information you need to know about the grand opening of Metrolink’s Cross-County Extension next Saturday.
It probably didn’t cover this, either:
A woman was critically injured when she apparently jumped into the path of a MetroLink train early today near the campus of the University of Missouri-St. Louis.
Wow, the enemies of light rail are going all out to sabotage the triumph of this inflexible marvel of modern transit just as its latest, and only second, rail line opens, only a year late and only hundreds of million over budget!
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He wrote:
Today’s Post-Dispatch has almost all the information you need to know about the grand opening of Metrolink’s Cross-County Extension next Saturday.
It probably didn’t cover this:
Several passengers suffered minor injuries when equipment on a MetroLink train got tangled and smashed into a window near Forest Park in St. Louis Monday evening.
Remember, friends, you can enjoy this sort of fun on the Shrewsbury-Clayton line starting this weekend!
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We’ve known it for a long time, but why is the St. Louis Post-Dispatch now running as its Sunday headline, page one, above the fold, Missiles may be next big threat to U.S. airliners?
The nation’s airline industry is a shoulder-launched missile attack away from plunging into a financial tailspin, one that could trigger $1 trillion-plus in financial losses in this country.
Five years after the devastating attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, U.S. passenger jets still have no response to a shoulder-launched missile that can be purchased on the black market for as little as $5,000 and can hit a target more than a mile away. If beefed-up airline security continues to keep terrorists and their bombs off commercial flights, shoulder-launched missile attacks pose a likely alternative, experts say.
“Terrorists are a lot like electricity: They take the path of least resistance,” said Jack Pledger, an executive at defense contractor Northrop Grumman Corp. “Instead of working out elaborate methods, terrorists go to the next-easiest thing. If you take out these easy things, you drive them to using” a shoulder-launched missile.
Pledger is director of business development for Northrop Grumman’s infrared-countermeasure program, which is testing a system that disrupts a shoulder-launched missile’s guidance system. The cost of the system would be less than $1 million for each plane if Northrop were to receive enough orders to warrant high-rate production.
Such a deal! But the government and the airlines are not willing to choke up the million dollars’ plus that Northrop Grumman charges for the solution. Ergo, it’s time to gin up some outrage so The People force the airlines, hardly awash in slush funds, or the government, too awash in taxpayer slush, to bolster its bottom line.
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Man falls into vat of chocolate, lives:
An ordinary night’s work at the chocolate company turned dangerous for Darmin Garcia early Friday after he fell into a vat of the molten goo and was trapped for more than two hours.
“I was pushing the chocolate down into the vat because it was stuck,” said Garcia, 21. “It came loose, and I just slid down the hopper into the chocolate.”
With a picture that shows a dark-haired, bare-chested, 21-year-old muscular man more than waist deep in chocolate. Did I say Almost a punchline? I mean Every woman’s fantasy.
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Lawmakers will vote today on a bill that could require pet shops to abide by stricter regulations like keeping detailed records on the animals they sell and providing toys and exercise wheels for small animals like rats, hamsters, mice and guinea pigs.
Face it, citizens, our civilization has peaked. The amount of civil liberties that citizens enjoy has reached its high water mark and is ebbing. Our government is now taking rights from us and giving them to animals.
Say what you will about the totalitarian nature of the Chinese regime, but at least it’s using its totalitarianism to the ends of a human society and not the gerbil society.
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The St. Louis Post-Dispatch lowers the bar on criminal masterminds in this story:
A cigarette thief is taking great pains not to get caught as he makes his getaway from Madison County stores, authorities said Tuesday.
Those great pains?
He uses duct tape to cover the registration number on the temporary Illinois tag on the back of his black Saturn, which has no front plate.
Because apparently the great pains don’t include obscuring his face, since there’s a full facial shot of him accompanying the story.
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Mehlville agency will seek lower tax rate:
The Mehlville Fire Protection District will propose yet another reduction in its property tax rate at next week’s tax rate hearing.
The Board of Directors will propose a tax rate of 69.8 cents per $100 assessed valuation for 2007, Chairman Aaron Hilmer said.
“The reason we lowered it even further than we originally intended was (that) as we looked at the amount of reserves that we had, they were just stunning . . . what we built up in the last 18 months,” Hilmer said. “This is in addition to building a new firehouse, buying a new fire truck, ordering another one, getting three new ambulances, new staff cars, upgrading medical, etcetera. So we looked and saw we were projecting eight to nine million dollars in reserves, in addition to new taxes we’re bringing in, and that’s why we decided to lower it even more.”
I’m writing in the name Aaron Hilmer for 3rd District Congressional Representative this year.
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George W. Bush has ginned up the fake “air terror” alert to make it inconvenient for you to fly. So you’ll have to drive to your destinations and will have to buy gas at Big Oil’s gouge–nay, plunge router!–prices.
You silly fools who think it’s all about influencing an election… you’ve forgotten It’s All About Oiiiil!
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