To be able to say "Noggle," you first must be able to say "Nah."
But I’m drying out a sleeping bag that one of my boys brought back from camp this weekend…
and there was dew on it this morning.
(Source of the allusion for you modern readers. Likely one of the people in the room will think it’s humorous, and the rest will miss the gag entirely.)
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All right, technically it was not William R. Cyrus; it was Reed Nielsen and Monty Powell.
But Billy Ray gave it its depth.
I’ve been in the mood for old country music lately, whereas old means twenty-five or thirty years old, from when I was young. Not old as in Patsy Cline or Buck Owens.
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I’d have to impersonate a fourth grader, but my beautiful wife does say I look young for my age.
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Now that we have convinced America that Die Hard is a Christmas movie, it’s time to take our game to the next level.
Adventures in Babysitting is a Marvel film.
I watched this film over and over as a kid because it was on Showtime, and I wasn’t supposed to leave the trailer when my mother was working, which was all summer long for a couple of years. So if you’re a longtime reader, you know I watched a lot of films that appeared on Showtime over and over.
Which is why I remember that the little girl wore a Thor helmet throughout and even, if I’m not mistaken, wielded Mjolnir at the beginning of the film, and at the end, she thinks that the helpful mechanic is Thor. What if he was? He didn’t look to different from the Thor from the Incredible Hulk television movie (The Incredible Hulk Returns).
As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure Marvel has actually made this little girl Thor at one point in the comic books.
Also, look at the back:
A Marvel copyright statement.
Q.E.D.
(See also Now That The Die Hard Battle Is Won.)
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Since I have this photo without text already on the blog, I might as well drop some Impact on it to recycle it.
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When I make jokes like this, there’s sometimes only one person in the room who laughs.
Congratulations if it is you.
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Sometimes, I have to type a word, backspace over some possible misspelling, and then type it two different ways a couple of times until I’m sure it’s right, which is often after I look it up.
Like devestated devastated.
Well, I’m not going to play that particular game any more.
From now on, it’s devostated in my writing.
I’m pretty sure those of us of a certain age will get the point even without embedding a music video every time it appears.
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Mango but pawn in game of life
When I was working as a produce clerk while at the university, a friend of a co-worker asked me if we had any mongoes. I didn’t recognize what she was asking for, and my co-worker explained that she was from Puerto Rico and was asking about mangoes. Of course, it was a dive of a grocery store so it didn’t have mangoes, but I’ve pronounced it the Spanish way ever since.
Even though, apparently, the fruit is not native to Central and South America as I thought; it’s native to Asia. Well, I have a choice to make now that I have misinformed my family: I can correct my assertion to them and further illustrate the fallability of the father in this household, or I can let it lay and maybe let them discover at some future time that their father was comfortable making daft assertions that were untrue.
You know what I’m going to do already, don’t you?
This Christmas, I put a mango and a kiwi in each of my boys’ stockings, and I finally served them up, but the boys didn’t like them. I tried a couple of segments and found they tasted a little like mango but a whole more like pickled herring. I guess it’s hard to get tree-fresh mangoes in Springfield, Missouri, in December.
That’s right: I am changing the subject.
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I know some of you will take offense at this, but….
Happy Hollandaise
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I could not mention Dio in a post yesterday and not post this:
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Seen on Facebook (again), but this time from an unusual source:
I guess the wounds caused by the Thirty Years’ War, fought between the Catholics and the Protestants, have finally healed.
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I am the master of all I survey.
How true is this statement?
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E. Coli,
E. Coli,
E. Coli,
Romaine.
Come on, someone on the Internet had to do this, and it might as well be me.
Of course, this being the Internet, someone probably already has. But I’m too lazy to check.
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This meme has come up on my Facebook feed recently:
You know who else is presented in this lean? The Chacmool:
Why are so many musicians into the “thundering paw,” and are human sacrifices involved?
Why is the press not covering this?
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Instapundit links to a ToiletTree Professional Water Resistant Heavy Duty Steel Nose Trimmer with LED Light, Silver.
Me, I clicked through because it sounded like a high-tech drain auger.
But, no, it’s not steel-nosed. It’s steel for your nose:
- This high-end cordless battery-operated nose trimmer with bright LED light is made of high quality steel; the light comes in handy when you need to get at those hard-to-reach and hard-to-see hairs
- The lightweight, but powerful, rotary cutting system allows hairs to enter the trimmer tip from the top and also from the sides, which is very helpful for stray hairs not only in the nose but also on your eyebrows, beard, and ears
- Right out of the box, you will feel the difference, precision, and quality of this trimmer; it offers a smooth trim with its stainless steel high quality blades and gives you a perfect cut every time; no painful pulled hairs
- Our best water-resistant design allows you to use this trimming tool in the shower and it makes clean-up afterwards quick and easy; it’s the best trimming and cutting tool you’ll ever experience from a men’s clipper product
- This nose trimmer operates on just 1 AA battery (not included), which makes it an economically affordable way to take care of the daily trimming needs of your nose, brows, and ears
With all that steel and LED technology, I hope it can take care of those hard-to-reach Facebook Portal tracking devices.
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My insurance company has provided this listicle about What Not To Store in the Garage, and I thought it would be a great chance at a quiz.
The items are:
A quiz for you, I mean. You’ll notice I have not bolded or italicised things that I store in the garage. Because I don’t want my home insurance rates to go up based on my blog response to a listicle composed by a 23-year-old marketing intern from a series of other Internet postings he/she/it found.
Note that storing extra fuel or solvents in your garage might also violate the contract you signed with your mortgage. What, you didn’t read it?
Not depicted, or detypeted as the case may be, on this list, other things that you might consider storing in your garage:
I’ll not answer that list, either.
Although if you retitle the article Whatnot to Store in Your Garage, that probably describes the contents of my garage.
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Why are both Ps in sapphire silent?
I can understand the second, which is followed by an H, but the first one is not.
So as far as I’m concerned, I’m going to pronounce it sapfire from now on.
Fortunately, I don’t deal in gemstones or gin much, so I won’t actually have to do this and make people think I’m ignorant instead of taking a principled stand for a more obvious pronunciation.
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On Facebook, I said:
I’m not saying I got a little sun yesterday, but I am ready to infiltrate Helium to deliver a confidential message to Dejah Thoris from the Jeddara of Nogglestead.
Originally, I was going to say the Jeddak of Nogglestead, but thought the better of it because I did not want the beautiful Jeddara of Nogglestead to ask exactly what were the contents of that confidential message to the Princess of Mars, nor did I want to explain the joke to a wrathful John Carter.
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I forgot what exactly made me leap out of my bathtub and shout “Eureka!”, but I surely have discovered a scientific principle. Perhaps it’s all the Einstein and physics stuff that I have been reading but not really comprehending. But, my friends, I have come up with a scientifically proven system of awesomeness ranking.
It’s like the Mohs scale, but of cool. You know how on the Mohs scale of mineral hardness, every item a step higher can scratch a mineral not as hard, but not vice versa? A diamond can scratch quartz which can scratch talc, but talc can’t even scratch an itch? Well, things on the scale of awesome can make things below them more awesome, but the lesser things do not improve upon higher things in the scale.
Let me illustrate by going on the scale from things that are less awesome to more awesome:
5. Yoga.
Cool and all, but you know what makes them better?
6. Goats.
Goat yoga is definitely cooler than plain yoga. While some people might try to convince you otherwise through appeals to emotion, goats do not make everything better, as we will see.
3. Cheese.
There might be a cultural bias in play here as I’m from Wisconsin, but cheese is more awesome than goats. Cheese on goat meat make it better–cheese makes all food better–but goats in my cheese? Not an improvement.
2. The Ford Mustang.
A Mustang makes a weak man strong and a strong man invincible, or so the old slogan goes. Well, the one on the wall of Mustang Sally’s, a short-lived bar in the Central West End that I frequented, and by “frequented,” I mean “went to once,” when I owned a 1984 Ford Mustang GT. With a 5 Liter, V8 engine and five speed transmission. Ay, what a car for a young man to drive for about five months. Now, a driving a Mustang to the store for cheese? Awesome. Cheese on the Mustang? Are you kidding? Mustangs among goats? Awesome! A goat in a Mustang? Trouble, and not awesome at all, unless it is a modern Esmerelda and her goat, but that’s more a function of the awesome of Esmerelda than the goat. Fun fact: When I met my beautiful wife, a modern Esmerelda surely, I was driving the Mustang. Was it the poetry or the Mustang that won her heart for me? Bet on the Mustang.
1. Metal.
Metal music appears to be the strongest source of awesomeness on the planet. Listening to metal in a Mustang makes the Mustang better. Goats listening to metal probably provide better meat and milk (some experimentation still needed). To be sure, I’m not sure of anything that metal does not make better.
These are representative of the levels on the awesomeness scale, which is not completely heirarchical in nature. Some things are on the same level of awesomeness as other things, of course. For example, coffee is probably a 1 on the Noggle scale, as there is nothing that it cannot make better.
At any rate, here it is for scientific debate, and by “scientific debate,” I mean silly little conversations amongst friends. Or on the Internet if you don’t want to discuss it with your actual friends, who would think you daft for bringing this up.
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