Category: Humor

don’t you know you can count us all out?

(Link seen here.)

If you buy Christmas gifts from Amazon through Ann Althouse’s blog, there is a nonzero chance she will announce your purchase and let your recipient know what he or she is getting.

We here at MfBJN respect your privacy and will not reveal anything you purchase through our sidebar. If you send us the agreed upon sum in a timely fashion, Steve. Otherwise, everyone on the Internet will learn what size stilettos you wear.

I’m not a hand reloader, so I’m not entirely sure about what you need to do the job safely. Which leads me to the question: do those coveralls come in men’s sizes?

Did I say coveralls? I meant coversomes.

I’m working on a can’t-miss novel: Cowboys, Aliens, Ninjas, Pirates, Zombies, Jane Austin, and A Couple Brontes.

It’s not about having a good new idea. It’s about camping up what’s come before.

Do you think I need a comic book character in it?

Today, the White House announced that President Obama publicly pardoned the Thanksgiving turkey.

And then had him secretly rendered to Romania, where it will be held and interrogated until it gobbles.

Grandpa John looks into the past through the filter If Attorney General Eric Holder Had Prosecuted (******) and comes up with insights such as:

Jeffery Dahmer- Convicted of improper storage and preparation of meat.

John Wayne Gacy- Guilty of practicing clowndom without a license.

…

That’s a 100% conviction rate. What more could we ask for in an attorney general?

Indeed.

Connect the dots, man.

Dot:

Something big is going on at the center of the galaxy, and astronomers are happy to say they don’t know what it is.

A group of scientists working with data from NASA’s Fermi Gamma-Ray Space Telescope said Tuesday that they had discovered two bubbles of energy erupting from the center of the Milky Way galaxy. The bubbles, they said at a news conference and in a paper to be published Wednesday in The Astrophysical Journal, extend 25,000 light years up and down from each side of the galaxy and contain the energy equivalent to 100,000 supernova explosions.

“They’re big,” said Doug Finkbeiner of the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics, leader of the team that discovered them.

The source of the bubbles is a mystery. One possibility is that they are fueled by a wave of star births and deaths at the center of the galaxy. Another option is a gigantic belch from the black hole known to reside, like Jabba the Hutt, at the center of the Milky Way. What it is apparently not is dark matter, the mysterious something that astronomers say makes up a quarter of the universe and holds galaxies together.

Dot:

mysterious missile launch off the southern California coast was caught by CBS affiliate KCBS’s cameras Monday night, and officials are staying tight-lipped over the nature of the projectile.

CBS station KFMB put in calls to the Navy and Air Force Monday night about the striking launch off the coast of Los Angeles, which was easily visible from the coast, but the military has said nothing about the launch.

Troglopundit connects the wrong dots. This is about the Bjorrixxk firing defensively at Jrrith’n from their base under the Pacific before the Jrrith’n targeted energy nihltor could reach the Earth.

Man, I’m glad they’re nominally on our side. Until they again hunger.

(Other link seen on Althouse, where she doesn’t connect the dots. But she knows.)

From the current Lakeside Collections catalog: Sherpa Lined Hooded Camo Fleece [sic].

I can see why PETA’s not protesting because Sherpas aren’t animals, but come on, now. Where’s the love for those porters of pitons?

As the Facebooker amongst you know, I’ve baked a lot of zucchini bread. I had eight zucchini plants in my garden, and they produced a bumper crop of summer squash. I discovered that you can more easily give away a dessert bread than a summer squash. So I went onto the Internet and got a recipe for chocolate zucchini bread.

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However, as it gets to the middle of August, I’ve found that I’m running really low on one of the ingredients.

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There just aren’t that many psychics around these parts. I’m going to have to start substituting in some dog whisperers or something.

My humor is often obscure enough that only one person in the room gets the joke, but that person thinks it’s uproariously funny.

Here, try this one out and see if you’re that person:

I went into MacDonald’s and ordered a MacGuffin. They gave me a box with a gilded rhinoceros horn that an unscrupulous arms dealer wanted very badly.

On the census form, I put my race as 200 meters.

I’d like to invent a time machine to go back to 1970 to tell the kids that, in the year 2010, the government is legalizing marijuana and is banning salt.

Imagine how much I could charge those kids for simple Ibuprofin tablets. They’d all want to buy the drug I’m on.

Michael Williams has a photograph of the free market in action.

Screen captures like this one from the film Incubus would be the core of their sales pitch:

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Jeez, Louise, you mean Shatner wants a Kia? Shatner is a Bodhisattva. To attain Shatnervana, I must have a Kia, too!