Our Understanding Is Right, Yours Is Wrong

After a Chuck-A-Rama-(But-Not-That-Mucha) restaurant manager threw out a low-carb eating couple for eating too much roast beef at a buffet restaurant, district manager Jack Johnson proved that not all PR is good PR when he said:

“We’ve never claimed to be an all-you-can-eat establishment,” said Johanson. “Our understanding is a buffet is just a style of eating.”

Mr. Johnson’s understanding implies that you pay full price to the buffet style restaurant for the convenience of not having a server attend you, not for the ability to eat until you’re full.

Smile, Mr. Johnson; you’ve just made a politician of yourself before the whole Internet.

(Link seen on Fark.)

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“Sqwak!” The Anti Gun Crowd Says

By now, we’ve all heard the story about the freighter seized in Italy with a bunch of AK assault rifles hidden aboard, destined for the United States.

Here’s the lead for the New York Post story:

A Florida-based arms company is at the center of the international probe into a New York-bound ship seized in Italy while laden with thousands of Kalashnikov assault rifles, The Post has learned.

The AK-47s were apparently bound for Vermont.

Officials have linked Century International Arms Inc. in Boca Raton to the discovery of a cache of 7,500 AK-47s hidden beneath piles of properly labeled arms in several cargo containers confiscated in the port of Gioia Tauro in southern Italy several days ago.

So that would mean that some illegal automatic weapons were being illegally shipped, nay, smuggled towards the United States. What could be better?

The startling seizure prompted Rep. Carolyn McCarthy (D-Nassau) to call for a renewal of the 1994 federal ban on assault weapons, which is slated to expire Sept. 13.

“We know al Qaeda training manuals have encouraged terrorists to obtain assault weapons in the United States,” she said.

Oh, yeah, that. Renewing a law that wouldn’t apply to these weapons anyway, simply because some nitwit member of the House of Representatives can put the words assault weapon and Al Qaeda in a soundbite.

Thank goodness Al Qaeda training videos don’t involve attack dogs, or we’d be stripped of our Chiahuahuas, too.

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No Irony Intended

With no sense of irony, I am sure, StLToday.com posted these stories atop each other in the Business section today:


St. John’s workers oust union
:

Maintenance workers at St. John’s Mercy Medical Center voted 28 to 13 on Wednesday to decertify the United Association of Plumbers & Pipefitters Local 562 as their collective bargaining agent.

The union has until next week to protest the conduct of the election. If it does not, the National Labor Relations board will authorize the decertification. A plumbers-union official did not return a phone call Thursday. The maintenance workers’ contract expired Dec. 31, 2002.

Like the jingle, union label fades away

Calls for “Buy Union-Made” and “Buy American” might appear nostalgic in a day when X-rays of American patients are analyzed by physicians abroad and U.S.-produced shoes are nearly impossible to find.

But the union movement hopes its 130-year-old message to buy products with the union label and more recent calls to buy American are reinvigorated amid the growing debate about overseas outsourcing of service jobs and the steady loss of manufacturing jobs in the United States.

“First of all, union-made in the USA is No. 1. If you can’t find union-made, at least buy American-made,” said Charles E. Mercer, president of the AFL-CIO’s Union Label and Service Trades Department. “We say it in the same breath, the same sentence.”

Hmm. Perhaps it’s that American workers are tired of paying viggorish for the opportunity to strike put themselves out of work in the name of more pay and job security? [No, it’s that those damn capitalists are exploiting the workers we’re supposed to exploit. –Ed aka “Spike” (Local 355)]

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World Exclusive!

It’s common knowledge that John Kerry communes with dolphins:

“He [President Bush] thinks that empty slogans like the ‘Clear Skies’ initiative and the ‘Healthy Forest’ initiative — that somehow names that would make George Orwell rise up and cheer — that those names will make people forget what is really happening in our country.”

Almost on cue, a dolphin slipped through the water. “There he is over there,” Kerry said. “He says, ‘help, help, help.”‘

“Help, help, help,” is not all the dolphin had to say. We here at All Things Belittled have an exclusive interview with Kerry’s guest star. (Warning: 2.7 Mb Mp3).

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Put Your Back Into It

Some phishers don’t even seem to be trying. Here’s one such e-mail I got today:

From: *Citi_C_a_r_d_s~Members
To: stlbrianj@hotmail.com
Subject: Citionline |E-Mail| Verification – stlbrianj@hotmail.com
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 2004 19:42:58 +0000
MIME-Version: 1.0
Received: from cdm-66-76-235-89.tyrd.cox-internet.com ([66.76.235.89]) by
mc3-f40.hotmail.com with Microsoft SMTPSVC(5.0.2195.6824); Thu, 22 Apr 2004
12:35:09 -0700
X-Message-Info: 6sSXyD95QpXLoZz646LSJ7Ue2E0865la
Return-Path: BarbMartincich@ihaveahugecrotch.com
Message-ID:
X-OriginalArrivalTime: 22 Apr 2004 19:35:10.0582 (UTC)
FILETIME=[ECCAF960:01C428A0]

To_veerification_of _your_ [Email] address click on_the_link :

[hyperlink deleted to protect you, gentle reader.]

and enter in the |ittle window_ _your_ Citi ATM/Debit full_Card_number and
Pin
that you use in local Atm_Machine..

8QkooH8y8N eg4f36 5f7l0ly3v2e3h3x3f6c 7d022oda n9dh 7vz1h020z kNoph86

Like I’m going to fall for that again.

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Punct’ed

Harvey at Bad Money speaks word punctuation to power:

The purpose of punctuation is to reproduce the pauses and vocal inflections of the spoken word, thus allowing the writer’s intended meaning to be made as clearly as possible.

It is a servant, not a master, so use it any way you wish, as long as it helps you get your point across.

Now, let him try to convince my mother-in-law, the former English teacher. Good luck, Harv. I’ll be behind you with a dust pan, ready to collect your pieces.

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A Government of the People, By the People, and For the People in Government

I was going to comment upon the unequal-before-the-eyes-of-the-law treatment received by Representative John Hostettler of Indiana, who mistakenly brought a gun to the airport as he was getting ready to fly back to Washington, but someone’s beaten me to it.

Did the TSA throw him down, surround him, rough him up a bit, and then whisk him to jail for a quick trial and felony sentence? Of course not, he’s not a citizen, he’s a legislator. They took his gun to hold for him and put him on a later flight.

Owen at Boots and Sabers has a complete compare and contrast for you.

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Easter Egg

Spoons has come clean and has admitted:

    For some reason which is quite unfathomable to me, certain sections of the blogosphere are all abuzz over the question of whether coed blogger, “Hot Abercrombie Chick,” might really be a a dude.

    I’m not sure why this really matters,, but since it apparently does to some people, I feel I owe my readers a confession. I’m not actually a 32-year-old cranky male lawyer in central Illinois. I’m actually a 65-year-old widow and retired plus-size lingerie model from Butte, Montana.

    And my supposed wife “Laura” is actually just a raccoon that I sometimes see in my backyard. I think she’s trying to steal the birdseed I put out.

As a matter of full disclosure, I must too explain the source of the text you see here.

    This blog generated by Documatic 3000 Libertarian Blog Plug-In.

    LBPI renders real-time, current event feedback generated by algorithms that scour RSS feeds, content aggregators, and news sites for certain keywords and provide correct responses to keywords within the content.

    For example, LBPI reliably provides the following post responses:

    Keyword

    Response
    Eminent Domain

    The gummint is stripping people of our assets, flying in the face of sacred property rights!
    Taxes

    The gummint is stripping people of our hard-earned money, flying in the face of sacred property rights and fiscal responsibility!
    Jewel

    Jewel rox!
    Ayn Rand

    Ayn Rand rox!
    George W. Bush

    George W. Bush rox compared to John Kerry.
    <end of post marker reached>

    Thank you, that is all.

    As the Documatic 3000 extensible architecture is proven in field tests such as this, look for an IPO soon.

Thank you, that is all.

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Last 20 Books You Have Read

The Gleeful Extremist thinks that the last 20 books you have read say a lot about you. TGE then tries to list the last he’s read.

Come on. You readers know the last 20 books I have read; I find a minute or two to scratch out a paragraph or two about each for you, gentle readers. Let’s recap, shall we, since you skip over the reviews to get to the snarky stuff:

  1. Rainbow Mars by Larry Niven
  2. Naked Beneath My Clothes by Rita Rudner
  3. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
  4. The Book Wars by James Atlas
  5. Rumpelstiltskin by Ed McBain
  6. Years of Minutes by Andy Rooney
  7. All the Trouble in the World by P.J. O’Rourke
  8. The Black Corridor by Michael Moorcock
  9. Make Room for TV by Lynn Spigel
  10. Time Flies by Bill Cosby
  11. Ghost by Piers Anthony
  12. Freefall by William and Marilyn Mona Hoffer
  13. Bad Business by Robert B. Parker
  14. The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz
  15. Basket Case by Carl Hiaasen
  16. Give Me a Break by John Stossel
  17. The Dilbert Future by Scott Adams
  18. Full Court Press by Mike Lupica
  19. Gallery of Regrettable Food by James Lileks
  20. Video Fever by Charles Beamer

What does that say about me? Hecht if I know. Want to know what I am reading now?

  • The Art of Deception by Kevin Mitnick
  • Introduction to Philosophy by Baruch Brody
  • Fielder’s Choice by someone
  • Bob Greene’s America by Bob Greene

I guess I like collections of newspaper columns. There’s one insight for you. Lileks, Green, O’Rourke, and Adams did newspaper things. And comedians. Rudner, Cosby, Rooney, and so on.

Are my fifty minutes up already, Doctor?

(Link seen on this week’s Bonfire of the Vanities.)

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You Down with DDT?

Virginia Postrel comments on a Tina Rosenberg NYT Magazine article:

Two million people a year, most of them little kids, are dying because of the West’s anti-DDT superstition. Two…million…people…a…year.

Anti-DDT taboos undoubtedly kill even more than that, since the debilitation caused by malaria helps keep Africa desperately poor. But, hey, they’re Africans. We got rid of malaria here, so we don’t give a damn. I bet the NYT Mag gets letters from people outraged at Rosenberg’s audacity in pointing out the problem.

Adam Duritz of the Counting Crows rebuts:

hey farmer farmer
put away the DDT
i dont care about spots on my apples
[and, apparently, two million dead people on a continent far away –ed.]
leave me the birds and the bees
please!

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Three Little Words

Blackfive reports on U.S. citizenship granted to Laotian Hmong refugees:

The reward for helping the Americans during the Vietnam War took 29 years to materialize, but for the 15,000 Laotian Hmong in this sun-baked refugee camp, it was a payout beyond their wildest dreams: U.S. citizenship.

“I can’t believe we’ll be Americans,” said Sui Yang, 60, who fought with CIA-backed Hmong guerrillas against the communist Pathet Lao in the mountains of Laos. “We heard rumors for years this was going to happen, but they were always only rumors. Most of us gave up hoping. I thought we were going nowhere.”

I’ve got three words that express my sentiment for earnest immigrants, particularly those who helped the United States in the past, who would come to this country with hope of a better life and the will to make it so:

Bring ’em on.

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Make of This What You Will

From today’s StLToday.com:

Advertising is ubiquitous nowadays, with marketers using product placements on television shows, linking words in magazine articles with ads and, as an ad firm working for Toyota recently did, temporarily tattooing pitches on people’s foreheads.

“It’s a littering of the mental landscape,” MacFarlane said. “We live in a culture that pushes the fear of not succeeding, getting sick, of being alone. … Advertisers sidle up to us and say: ‘Hi, we love you. We understand. But isn’t there something wrong with your life?'”

Words from Paul MacFarlane, left-wing hippie advertising mogul.

Something of this smacks of poserism. The dude spouts antimaterialism, but is a successful advertising guy with an office in Downtown St. Louis and who lives in West County. Spare me the bobo.

Perhaps the title tag of the StLToday page says it all: Help

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