I Got Your Live Blogging Right Here

Sitting in the den with a laptop as you curse your wireless connection? Pah! You’re a piker.

Me, I’m sitting in my office. I’ve deployed the T1 for its ultimate purpose: streaming media. I’ve got the eMac fired up and running the CSPAN live feed while I sit here and blog on my primary Windows machine.

Face it. You are a poor geek. Bow to me!

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Pay The Surcharge, Chicken

The corporate world proves B.F Skinner right once again. Our local Pizza Hut charges seventy-five cents for deliveries now, a cost it just appends to the top of your coupon and the tax. It doesn’t break out the cost nor publicize it anywhere, but you’re probably paying it.

Thanks to the phone companies, wireless companies, and all other companies who have accustomed consumers to surcharges, bogus taxes, and costs of businesses so that the advertised price represents purely the profit, and everything else is extra.

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Mail Call

  • Another Monday, another 5 unsolicited credit card offers, including 3 separate campaigns from Citibank. Gentlemen, it is my distinct pleasure to return your business reply envelopes with the terms of your offer, but not application. I consider it my small part to keep first class postal rates down and to raise your cost per customer acquisition for these campaigns.
  • A plea for money from George Bush. Look, George, I’ve given money, we’re probably going to give up time and lawnspace for the campaign, but if you want more cash, you’re going to have to send a picture of your daughters.

    For this gambit to be effective, make sure that’s addressed to Mr. Brian and not Mrs. Heather (or, as she might be again known shortly after reading this post, Miss HLI, in which case I won’t have any money to give anyway).

  • An offer for AOL 9.0 Optimized, which proclaims right on the box, Block Spam and Web Pop-Ups. As someone who’s logged into AOL 9.0 on a dial-up recently, I certainly notice the oversight that new customers won’t: Web Pop-Ups doesn’t say a damn thing about the six or ten AOL offers that display whenever you try to log in or log out. Those? Still in there.

    An overly expensive dial-up ISP that delivers its own ads to enhance my (slow) browsing experience? Throwing this out unopened is too good for this small box.

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Cheer Up, You’re Still Going to Die

A man, diagnosed with HIV in 1996, discovers it was an error. Relieved? Happy? Thrilled with his reprieve? What are you thinking?

Earlier this month, Malone, 59, was summoned to his doctor’s office. He listened as the doctor delivered the stunning news: He is HIV negative. The doctor acknowledged the error, writing in a letter dated Aug. 4: “As his primary care provider, I take full responsibility.”

“He told me, ‘We made a very big mistake. We did not do our job,’ ” said Malone, who is gay and has lost friends to AIDS. “I said, ‘You mean to tell me that all you have to say is you are sorry? Sorry that I lived for all this time believing I was going to die?’ “

How about “Sorry” and “You can keep the free parting gifts” which included:

His rent was paid in part by a county health program. Project Open Hand delivered free meals. A nurse visited him at home every two weeks.

Undoubtedly, he’s more relieved than the story presents, but then the article goes into a riff about:

His misdiagnosis is rare but undisputed and shows the far-reaching damage wrought by medical mistakes and the potential for flaws in burdened health care systems.

Who’s responsible? Well, since Malone’s a vet, it’s an example of government efficiency in health care:

Officials at the Oakland Department of Veterans Affairs’ outpatient clinic where he was treated admit the mistake and have launched an investigation into what went wrong and how the error was perpetuated year after year. VA officials were taken by surprise by the Aug. 4 letter in which the doctor accepted blame and admitted the error. Malone’s physician, Dr. Richard Karp, was not available to comment as the case is under investigation.

Karen Pridmore, a spokeswoman for VA’s Northern California Health Care System, which has eight clinics and a medical center and serves more than 65, 000 patients, said Malone had arrived at the clinic in 1996 with lab results from an outside testing firm in Southern California. Those results showed he was HIV positive. The VA did its own confirmatory HIV test on Malone and found he was negative.

Will this albeit anecdotal evidence silence calls for socialized medicine, which I don’t doubt the San Francisco Chronicle supports?

Of course not. Undoubtedly, they would have the rest of the government do it better, by….Well….Erm….

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Et Tu, American Greetings?

A family member bought this card for the punchline, but didn’t realize that she wasn’t part of the niche market this card serves.

The cover:

Cover of birthday card.
Click for full size

Weapons of Mass Destruction. Money.

The inside:

Inside birthday card.
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Two things you won’t find inside this birthday card.

Okay, I can see some humor in that, well, more an attempt at humor, but something. And then there’s the back:

Back of birthday card.
Click for full size

A caricature of George W. Bush, saying “Trust me, they’re there.”

So what’s your point, “American” Greetings?

I suppose they’re trying to cater to a hip urban crowd who’s swallowed the load that Iraq didn’t have weapons of mass destruction because those that have been found were just about destruction, not about destroying Catholic worship cermonies.

I’ve never paid much attention to greeting card manufacturers, but I know that the maker’s name is listed right above the price, and I’ll buy my 149 cards from Hallmark now, thanks.

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Book Review: You Don’t Know Jack: The Book (1998)

I’d hate to reflect on what subtle secrets slip out about my character when the reader of this humble web log discovers that the last two books I have read stem from video games. However, if the reader overlooks the obvious mental deficiencies of such a reviewer….wait, you’re already here.

Okay, this book represents a quiz book, ten “games” of ten questions each. It’s based on the video game series which featured, as far as I understand it, a host named Jack who was a cynical, smart-mouthed character, much like the ironic characters iconified in the television show Seinfeld. This particular book was laid out like someone eviscerated a copy of Wired magazine, with hip fonts, bright colors, and 128 snarky pages to cover 100 questions.

But if you can pick it up for less than a buck at a yard sale, go for it. It’ll help you sharpen up for those unexpected trivia nights where you’re confronted with Hugh Hewitt, James Lileks, and Michael Nedved on a team without Michael Savage to handicap them.

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Book Review: The Dig by Alan Dean Foster (1996)

Alan Dean Foster has done the novelizations for many movies, including the Alien series and Outland. So what’s the next challenge for an author like that? How about a video game novelization?

The Dig comes from the video game of the same name which ran right nicely on Windows 3.11 or Windows 95 boxes. Still, the storyline follows an archetype I like: a strange interstellar artifact shows humans that a greater intelligence exists. 2001, Ringworld, Rendezvous with Rama used the same conceit (although I think the Commodore 64 game Rendezvous with Rama came after the book).

When a strange asteroid falls into a slowly decaying orbit, NASA and the EU send up a shuttle mission to nuke the asteroid into a stable orbit. Once the astronauts successfully stabilize the asteroid, the commander, a scientist, and a journalist visit the surface for a moment of study and sample gathering. They discover what appear to be manufactured components on the surface and when they explore further, the asteroid activates and transports the trio to a far off planet, where they’re confronted with a number of puzzles, locations to explore, and objects to manipulate.

It’s not that bad, actually; certainly, since I know it’s built from a game, I know to look at it in that context, and I spent a lot of time (well, a couple of brain cycles) thinking about its impact, but the novel’s an interesting, enjoyable read, and I didn’t spend almost a decade reading almost 2000 pages to find out that the ultimate point is that it’s all an idle experiment of God’s (curse you, ACC!)

In a related note, the synergy worked. After buying this book at a reduced price second-hand, I’ve won an auction for this game on eBay (for $2.00) for this game. Now, I’ll retrofit one of my older PCs with the appropriate operating system and I’ll enjoy the adventure of Boston Low (voiced by T2’s Robert Patrick). Unfortunately, the media blitz worked almost ten years too late, in a post-shuttle, post 1990s world where the social structures and international cooperation illusions are ancient alien artifacts of their own.

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Mischaracterization

According to Jeff Gordon’s Tipsheet, Michael Vick said this in Maxim magazine (the interview’s not available online):

“Yeah, some people think blacks can’t make good QBs. It’s that Rush Limbaugh (stuff). But it doesn’t matter – black, white, or purple – all I wanted was a chance to prove them wrong.”

But that’s not what Rush said:

“I think what we’ve had here is a little social concern in the NFL. The media has been very desirous that a black quarterback do well,” Limbaugh said. “There is a little hope invested in McNabb, and he got a lot of credit for the performance of this team that he didn’t deserve. The defense carried this team.”

Let’s break it down. Limbaugh said:

  1. The media wants black quarterbacks to do well.
  2. They hope McNabb will do well, so they gave him more credit than he deserves.
  3. The Philadelphia Eagles defense contributes more to the team’s success than McNabb.

Rush Limbaugh did not say that blacks cannot make good quarterbacks. But since he’s Rush Limbaugh, other people can put whatever racist words they want into his mouth, and everyone should simply nod and cluck, I guess.

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The Anti-Lileks Speaks

As a rule, I don’t read Bill McClellan of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch because I find him droll, uninformed, and pointless. But I couldn’t resist today’s offering because it deals with my industry: Computer field leaves veterans out in the cold:

Twenty-five or so years ago, a lot of really smart, forward-thinking people studied computer science. These were people who recognized that computers were going to change the way the world does business. But revolutions have a way of turning on their own, and this one has been no exception. Many of those smart, forward-thinking people are now out of work, increasingly desperate, their careers in shambles.

Cue the violins.

One is a woman with a master’s degree in information management. She has been out of work for almost three years. She gave up job hunting last summer because it’s just too depressing. She told me she sent out more than 300 resumes and got only a handful of interviews. She is approaching 50.

“Older workers are finding themselves shut out of the I.T. market,” she told me.

Must be ageism. Except:

I got some insight from a fellow I visited this week. He, too, is out of work, but he is still looking. He graduated from college about 20 years ago. Early on, the job market was terrific. Everybody needed computer people. A few years ago, though, there was a seismic shift in the job market. Everybody still needed information technology, but instead of hiring the I.T. workers as permanent employees, businesses hired them as contract employees. They were hired for specific projects. Remember the Y2K panic? Those were good days for computer people. Still, the shift to contract work was ominous for two reasons.

First, you couldn’t settle in with a company. You had to be constantly rehired, and each time you had to be rehired, you were competing with younger people, competitors who were not only willing to work for less but whose knowledge was more current.

For instance, the fellow I visited this week told me the computer language of his day was COBOL. Apparently, that is as out of date as Sanskrit. Oh sure, he has gone to night school and tried to learn the hot new languages like Java and JavaScript, but companies want people with work experience in the new skills – exceptions made for recent grads – and how can you get experience if you can’t get hired?

Not a lot of work out there for blacksmiths these days, either, but undoubtedly that’s an upcoming Bill McClellan column.

The second problem with contract work is outsourcing. So many computer jobs go to India these days. Recently, we were having a problem with a computer at home, and my wife called for help. She spoke with a young man in New Delhi.

I mentioned outsourcing to the fellow I visited, and he said it isn’t just outsourcing. American companies bring Indian workers to this country, he said.

This was clearly a difficult subject for him. He’s an educated man, and he did not want to appear xenophobic. I don’t blame the Indians for taking advantage of opportunity, he said. But still, it’s difficult to know that our jobs are going to foreigners, and we can’t find work, he said. All the big companies are doing it, he said.

Those violins crescendo.

The fellow I visited has worked for a number of the big companies here – Angelica, Anheuser-Busch, BJC – and he’s had a pretty good run of it. In his last job, which lasted five years, he made $70,000 a year, and he got benefits, too, because he works through a consulting firm, kind of a high-end Manpower place. But now he’s out of work. He’s got house payments and a child in high school. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do.

Come on, McClellan, you’re not spinning any fresh cobwebs here. You know, if you’re going to try to make it through a career in the IT industry, you’re going to have to keep your skills up to date, mostly on your own, as you zig-zag through a number of positions. Contract work does suck, but within those contracts, you have to take whatever opportunity you have to expand your skill set on your own. Or just don’t do contract work for a consulting company.

If you’re a good worker, smart and skilled, you should have a network of people who’ll keep you up on job opportunities and shouldn’t have trouble finding work. Unfortunately, whenever I read these people, I see a parade of Dilbertian Wallies, looking for jobs where they can punch the clock and collect exhorbitant paychecks for forty years and then retire with a pension, or at least a healthy 401K, and that’s just not going to happen any more.

You’ve got to fend for yourself, and keep yourself fresh. Hop jobs, don’t incur too much debt, and don’t plan on your income remaining the same or growing perpetually. Start your own company if you have to. COBOL Commandoes. You’d certainly have that niche market covered.

Or you could become a newspaper columnist for the Post-Dispatch. Apparently, there you can stagnate and keep getting paid for it.

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Tell Us About What You’ve Done with What You Have

I cannot fathom why John Kerry chose this Vince Lombardi in Green Bay:

In arguing for different budget priorities than Bush’s tax cuts, Kerry quoted legendary Green Bay Packers football coach Vince Lombardi as saying: “Who you are depends on what you do with what you have.”

Help me while I try to keep the universe from imploding from the sheer paradox.

  • John Kerry, personally, has parlayed his wealthy birth and finishing school life into marriage to not one, but two wealthy women and a lifestyle which the common man cannot even dream of with any detail.
  • John Kerry, politically, belongs to the party better served by the quote “Who you are depends on what you do with what the government leaves you of what you had, or what you do with what the government gives you of what it has taken from those who had it.”

Kerry should have instead quoted, “Winning isn’t everything, winning is the only thing.”

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So-Called Watch

Adam Entous of Reuters shows Matthew Hoye or Phil Hirshkorn the true power of this fully-operational battle idiom:

Democrat John Kerry will dispatch two fellow Vietnam veterans to President Bush’s secluded Texas ranch on Wednesday to press him to condemn television advertisements accusing Kerry of lying about his wartime service.

The move comes one day after it was disclosed that a top lawyer for Bush’s re-election campaign has been providing legal advice to the group behind the ads, the so-called Swift Boat Veterans for Truth.

You see how it casts aspersions on the group’s name even though it’s allegedly only modifying the name?

A piece of dirty trick writing art!

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Hijinks Not Yet a Felony, But Raise Revenue for City

So today’s “Child drives off in car” story is brought to you from East St. Louis, Illinois:

A 5-year-old East St. Louis boy slid into the driver’s seat of his uncle’s Cadillac Sunday afternoon, put on his seatbelt, turned the key and drove off.

But he didn’t go far. Four blocks later — with his mother in pursuit in her car — the boy crashed the car into a fence.

He was not injured but police gave the boy tickets for driving without a license and without insurance.

Hey, no harm done, and the police raise some revenue for the local coffers, which we metro resident know are pretty thin on the East Side, although these days we’re no longer hearing reports of thieves stealing radios from police cars and the police being unable to replace them. Good on ya, ESL. It’s due to creative financing like ticketing a boy for driving without a license and without insurance. Unfortunately, he buckled up and did not reach an interstate, where driving too long in the left lane is a revenue-stream offense in Illinois.

But wait! The ESL tins are more creative than you would think!

Lenzie Stewart, chief of detectives, said the uncle had turned off the car when he came over to visit the boy’s mom, Kia Haynes, in the 700 block of Post Place. But he left the keys in the ignition.

“Mother came out, saw him driving down the street, jumped in her car and pursued him and had him pull over to the side. When he did, he hit the fence,” Stewart said.

Haynes called police after the crash and took responsibility for what happened. As a result, she was ticketed for contributing to the delinquency of a minor, Stewart said.

She called the police herself and said this harmless madcap adventure was her fault, and the helpful ESL tins helped their city meet their payroll by giving her an extra ticket for it.

I am too laid back to be in law enforcement or the legislature.

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The Chosen Language

Slashdot links to this piece: Top Reasons Why People Think Java Un-Cool – Debunked.

Oddly enough, those ten reasons tend to include things like “Java is so easy to use” and “Java is mainstream” and “Java’s not geeky enough.” Mmm-hmmm.

Funny how the reasons that Java has been considered uncool are also its marketing strengths. Speaking as a QA person and a developer who’s worked in several Java shops, I’d posit its uncoolness on its non-robust interface APIs which lead to clunky, good-for-1984 user interfaces which, oddly enough, did not play nicely with the dominant operating system. If you’re a Java geek, working from a Linux command line, any window (or frame or panel) looks usable, but a functionary sitting at a desktop trying to do his or her job as easily and as quickly as possible, without handy stack traces, would probably disagree.

What’s my point? Java’s okay for middleware, but its interfaces have not been cool and as far as I have seen haven’t yet gotten cool.

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