Come on, you guys know I read Forbes Life and WSJ Magazine for more than Christopher Buckley. I need to know what the people on the coasts who think they should rule over the uneducated mobs in the middle of the country are wearing. Apparently, this season, it’s shiny yellow pants.
You know what makes it even better? They’re $400 yellow pants.
Friends, this is how I will know I have entered a mid-life crisis, where I worry about my own mortality and want to steep myself in the trappings of youth and blow up a happy marriage to pursue duck-faced models in New York City: the first indicator is when I look at pants in some bizarre fashion-fashioned color and think, “I need to get a pair of those.”
(Reminder: Last season, it was purple pants.)
You know, you can buy hideous in the JC Penney clearance section all day long for $6.
I’m too cheap for the Penney’s clearance section. I am, however, strangely compelled to root through the Walmart clearance section.
I also was recently compelled to buy some stock in JC Penney’s because it was in the clearance section of the NYSE, so I encourage YOU to spend money there.
According to Google, though, I apparently really want to shop at bonobos.com. Which are an order of magnitude more expensive than my $17 St. Johns Bays.
It would be far less tempting if the shop’s name were OversexedApeUsedByPromiscuousPseudoPhilosophersToJustifyTheirOwnBehavior.com.