Category: Humor

Actually, “Mele Kalikimaka” is Hawaii’s way of saying, “Into the volcano, haole, you have offended Pele.”

In Johnny Gilbert’s voice: "This… is…. Gérard Depardieu!"

Happy Thanksgiving, you say?

Well, it’s just as well since the T-72s I ordered from Omen Wannabi, a Somalian e-mail contact, haven’t come yet.

Has anyone else noticed that the sun has begun setting earlier since the country elected Obama as President?

What does it mean?

Let’s just say, as far as investing goes, I keep it real. I bought all my current penny stocks before they all did the trendy thing and became penny stocks. I’m no sell out.

You know I wish that I had Jessie’s grill.

Stay back, I know Karate (and three other Japanese words).

Sorry, no post, but I just saw the expression sang-froid in a book and thought of all the wonderful puns I could use as post titles if possible. Since it’s looking impossible in the near term, I’ll just do a post dumping them for you:

Sang-Freud
Sang-Fraud

And rest assured I will use it in a sentence today. And a two-year-old will parrot it back, much to my delight.

Easter came early this year because Congress, in an attempt to bolster the economy by strengthening first quarter numbers, passed an act to move the holiday forward into the end of March.

Google it!

A joke on Deb’s site that I shared easily with my mother and uneasily with my wife.

It doesn’t have talking dogs, but it’s funny never the less.

In the book Busy Penguins, the authors have a photo that they have captioned incorrectly:

The authors of the book are apparently unfamiliar with the penguin martial art spheniscinatasu. Instead of putting a wing around the other penguin to comfort his compatriot, the penguin on the right is in the process of employing the dreaded aptenodytesu forsterika death strike, a move that crushes the opponent’s arteries to the head and leads to death within agonizing seconds.

Penguins caring, indeed.

Dog walks into a telegraph office and writes out his telegram: “Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof.”

The clerk says, “You can add another woof, since you’re charged the same price for ten words.”

The dog says, “But that wouldn’t make any sense.”

(I don’t know why dog jokes get to me, but they do.)

Hit the kids who are bigger than you from behind with a Six Million Dollar Man lunchbox full of dirt.

A tactic that I employ often to this day.