In this column about the Bears doing what the Bears do, we get this simile:
A 27-10 loss to the Green Bay Packers landed like a cement pillar to the gut.
I am not entirely sure in what circumstances one takes a cement pillar to the gut. While skateboarding, and you hit one of those “don’t drive here” pillars?
Because nobody, not even in Chicago, is going to pick up a freaking pillar and hit you with it. And if you’re on foot, other parts of you are likely to impact any pillar you run into.
Metaphors: Leave them to the professionals, children. Not that many remain who are qualified to handle them, and probably none in the papers.
That’s…man, that’s just… It seems I, like the writer, am at a loss for words.
Well, if so, you can just use your forefingers to swirl around some of those refrigerator word magnets until you get them in some semblance of order like a Real Journalist.