Category: Life

Hitchhiker: You heard of this thing, the 8-Minute Abs?
Ted: Yeah, sure, 8-Minute Abs. Yeah, the excercise video.
Hitchhiker: Yeah, this is going to blow that right out of the water. Listen to this: 7… Minute… Abs.
Ted: Right. Yes. OK, all right. I see where you’re going.
Hitchhiker: Think about it. You walk into a video store, you see 8-Minute Abs sittin’ there, there’s 7-Minute Abs right beside it. Which one are you gonna pick, man?
Ted: I would go for the 7.
Hitchhiker: Bingo, man, bingo. 7-Minute Abs. And we guarantee just as good a workout as the 8-minute folk.
Ted: You guarantee it? That’s – how do you do that?
Hitchhiker: If you’re not happy with the first 7 minutes, we’re gonna send you the extra minute free. You see? That’s it. That’s our motto. That’s where we’re comin’ from. That’s from “A” to “B”.
Ted: That’s right. That’s – that’s good. That’s good. Unless, of course, somebody comes up with 6-Minute Abs. Then you’re in trouble, huh?
[Hitchhiker convulses]
Hitchhiker: No! No, no, not 6! I said 7. Nobody’s comin’ up with 6. Who works out in 6 minutes? You won’t even get your heart goin, not even a mouse on a wheel.
Ted: That – good point.
Hitchhiker: 7’s the key number here. Think about it. 7-Elevens. 7 doors. 7, man, that’s the number. 7 chipmunks twirlin’ on a branch, eatin’ lots of sunflowers on my uncle’s ranch. You know that old children’s tale from the sea. It’s like you’re dreamin’ about Gorgonzola cheese when it’s clearly Brie time, baby.

Well, it’s close.

I mean, who hasn’t seen the stray drops fall from the nipple as you try to align the bottle with the mouth of a squalling, squirming baby, striking his or her cheeks, chin, and lips….who hasn’t seen that and thought of tracer rounds?

To tuck or not to tuck that is the question

“Most men want to wear the accepted norm, and for years that used to be khaki pants, a tucked blue shirt and black belt,” explains Gregg Andrews, a fashion director at Nordstrom.

Now, he says the uniform is premium jeans and a striped button-down shirt that is untucked.

Not in my world, mister. Do some sit-ups, by a real holster for your concealed carry needs, and tuck it in.

It’s not waterboarding as interrogation; it’s yoga!

Be sure to click view the Windows Media Player video How to use a Neti Pot in the right sidebar, just in case they reinstate the draft and you’re assigned to Guantanamo Bay.

When in Rome, do as the Visigoths do.

UPDATE Oops. Oh, yeah, I completely, inadvertently, ripped off Mark Steyn. Now I feel like a real blogger, headed for scandal. And after I even sent it to Top Five’s Ruminations, too.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Also, let me win the Powerball.

Some people see the Virgin Mary in foodstuffs. Not us; we’re patriots.

Well, no. Ajax isn’t too knowledgeable about baby furniture.

McDonalds Hugo-sized drink reminded me a lot of Hurricane Hugo, but what’s the problem? In a couple years, it won’t even be on the list of the top most damaging US Hurricanes, and it was almost 20 years ago. Before many of its target audience were born.

Drives me as mad as anything, that companies tack on service charges and other means of bleeding you after hooking you in with a low price or rate. Economists are making their theories, and Christopher Shea reviews.

Bottom line, it helps the savvy consumer by soaking most idiots.

Why did a hottie take up with a down-on-his-English-degree printing press operator like me?

Because chicks dig sardonic humor and classical allusions, apparently.

Remember, Googlers, when you’re trying to figure out how to attract hot women, the answer is read more Shakespeare.

Early contributions to the identity crisis of the Noggling:

1. Professor Higganbotham
2. Dr. DeGassio
3. Jimmy Ray
4. Jimbo McGibblets
5. Instapoopdit
6. Mr. Fussbudget
7. Fussbucket
8. Waylon

Sorry for the light posting, but I’m doing maintenance.

The Fedora Lounge.

Finally, a reason for the Internet.

(Link seen on the sidebar of The Confidentials, a Milwaukee blog. I got two of my first fedoras at Donge’s on 3rd Street, werd.)

Am I, as Jean-Paul Sartre suggested, metamorphising my own For-itself into an In-itself-For-itself, or am I merely suffering from a bit of indigestion?

Odd warning of the day:

In the inbox:

U.S Consulate General
387 Wichayanond Road
Chiang Mai 50300,Thailand

Dear client,

Congratulations,you have been selected as one of the lucky winners of the US VISA through our internet email extracting and screening machine,your application was applied and processed by our internet email extracting and screening machine which randomly extracts and scans millions of email adresses across the world.

This Special visa programme is new and was innovated by the US embassy in Kuala lumpur Malaysia last year november.The US Consulate in Chiang Mai launched the programme this year november,the programme is designed to be held every year ending.The aim and objectives of the programme is to give free visas to citizens of developing countries around the world to enable them travel to the US and start a new life and work.The Chiang Mai consulate released 12 visas in this regards and hopes to increase the visa number to 24 by late next year,you are among the 12 lucky people that won the visa and among the 5 foreigners that won the visa,7 visas were won by Thai nationals.

Your visa winner’s identity is:MM-52047 and your serial net visa passport with us is:JM-102648,your visa type permits you to travel with your family.Your visa duration is 10 years multiple entry to the U.S,it is renewable upon expiration and it permits you to work,study and own properties in the US.

In this respect you are directed to forward the following requirements for the immediate processing of your visa certificate and acknowledgement card:

1.Write in full your office and residential adress.

2.Scanned copies of your recent passport photograph,members of your family passport photograph should be included if you have family members that wants to travel with you.

3.Scanned copies of your/members of your family international passport and i.d card,your family members above the age of 16 requires seperate international passports for travel.

4.Clearance and acceptance fee:U.S$355(Three hundred and fifty five dollars)only.This fee should be paid through an account of the designated agent and NOT by western union money transfer.

Providing the above requirements will assure you your visa certificate/acknowledgement card and visa security pin code which we shall scan to your email adress.With the visa certificate/acknowledgement card and pincode we shall send to you,the U.S embassy in your home country or your country of residence will stamp the 10 years multiple entry visa on your/members of your family international passport within 3 working days immediately you present these documents to them because the Chiang mai Cosulate has confirmed your visa,all they will do is to log in to the U.S Immigration network database and key in your visa pincode there they will find your visa winning details.

Important notice:

According to the united states code of conduct in the constitution Vol:189/965:Act 220Sl guiding all immigrations,green cards,visas and permit agencies:if non-response after 31 days you receive this message,your winners status shall reveal no interest and we would in response refer your visa certificate/code and acknowledgement card back to the U.S government/immigrations service center.

We shall be anticipating your reply soon.

Thanks

Ray Murphy
U.S Consulate Chiang Mai

N.B:DO NOT REPLY TO THIS EMAIL,SEND YOUR REPLY TO THE VISA AGENT,Mr Bent Declerk: visaagent12@netscape.net , visaagent13@netscape.net
Phone:+66-90590020

Probably just some generic, send us your money type scam. But any time they want passports, I get a little more nervous than normal.

I don’t think owning a car branded Kia is good luck. I also wouldn’t own a car called Doa. I just think that’s asking for an amped up tanker truck driver to try to take the Poplar Street exit at 45 miles per hour some morning, tumbling gently down to a car named deathtrap.