The Midwestern Way

In a story in yesterday’s Wall Street Journal (sorry, no link) entitled “‘Honey, I’m Thinking of Having an Affair’: Therapists Advise Confessing Temptation”, we get a sidebar advising how to “Affair-Proofing A Marriage”:

To guard against damage from affairs, experts suggest couples:

  • Acknowledge the risk of an affair occurring
  • Discuss circumstances that might pose a risk
  • Agree to talk about temptations before acting
  • Disclose any affairs promptly
  • Agree not to counterattack if a spouse strays
  • Learn to ask, give and receive forgiveness

These sentiments and the bolding itself might embolden Manhattanites to stray and to talk about it with their therapists and therapist-talking, possibly cheating spouses. However, here in the Midwest, in circumstances where loving your spouse or remaining faithful out of moral obligation don’t hold enough power, the following single tip can help to affair proof the marriage without the mumbo-jumbo:

Remember, your spouse knows where your family keeps the guns, knives, hammers, baseball bats, and other Improvised Blunt Traumatizers (IBTs), and you have to sleep sometime.

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