If Only This Story Had Been In The St. Louis Post-Dispatch

If only this headline would have been in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch: Woman bitten by dog is in coma.

Because verbs are so much more expensive in the south, the St. Louis daily would have simply gone with Woman bitten by dog in coma, and oh, the fun I would have had. But the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel can afford the extra two characters’ worth of ink, and my world is less mirthful on account of it.