Maybe They Have Heard About the Benefits Package

Drudge links to a story in USA Today headlined Report: Feds lacks bioterror experts. The lead goes something like this:

    The government will have an increasingly hard time hiring and retaining biologists and others needed to prepare for bioterror threats, a report concludes.

The report, according to the story, shines its light on the usual suspects: government pay contrasted with private pay, the decline of science graduates, and retirements.

On the other hand, it doesn’t seem to mention the interest the government lavishes upon persons that it hires in this capacity.

Maybe they need a new hiring campaign slogan, such as, “Work on Bioterrorism for us, and we’ll take care of you.”

Federal Government-Enforced True Competition Zone

The Federal Trade Commission, an appointed and not elected body, has determined that individual states do not have the right to pass laws regulating commerce within their borders when it comes to the Internet.

In a move my newly-Federalist friend El Guapo might approve, the FTC would lift bans on Internet wine purchases. Some states think it’s too easy for minors to get liquor off the Internet, so they want to prohibit Internet vendors from selling wine to consumers in those states via the Internet.

The FTC, however, has found another way to abuse the powers granted under the ill-conceived interstate commerce clause of the United States Constitution. Instead of letting the individual states handle moral issues (alcohol consumption) and logistical issues (keeping wine out of minors), Uncle Sam must be listening to the last lobbying dollars from vino dot coms.

    “By allowing interstate direct shipping, states would give consumers the opportunity to save money on their wine purchases, and would let consumers choose from a much greater variety of wines,” the FTC said in its report.

It’s all for the betterment of the consumer, and it’s at the expense of the states, who lose more power appropriately left ot them and, ooops, lose all that sales and excise tax money which they cannot charge on Internet sales.

It’s oh so wrong in oh so many ways, I will leave it at that before I start foaming Les Bourheois Jeunette Rouge at the mouth and stain the keyboard.

Obsessive Compulsive Behavior Saves Marriage, $29.95

New technology offers bountiful rewards as Arkon TL 129 His ‘n Her Motion Activated Toilet Night Light will automatically glow red if the toilet seat is up or green if the toilet seat is down, preventing those middle-of-the-night accidents that have caused many marriages to fail or combust in a blaze of murder/suicide glory. However, before this product became available, our marriage was guaranteed safe from this hazard by obsessive compulsive behavior.

You see, we always put the toilet lid down in our bathroom to prevent a flush from spraying germs in festive patterns across the fixtures and paraphernalia in the bathroom and to establish a certain procedure for toilet usage. You always lift the lid and/or toilet seat and then replace it/them when you’re finished. By resetting the Toilet User Interface to a common starting point, we assure that it’s in a known state each time we want to use it.

Our marriage is safe, and we’re not out $30 plus shipping and handling.

Perhaps I should patent the business process of obsessive compulsive behaviors and then make a mint from people who cannot help doing them! Sounds like a better retirement strategy than how my 401k plans have done the last few quarters.

Obsessive Compulsive Behavior Saves Marriage, $29.95

New technology offers bountiful rewards as Arkon TL 129 His ‘n Her Motion Activated Toilet Night Light will automatically glow red if the toilet seat is up or green if the toilet seat is down, preventing those middle-of-the-night accidents that have caused many marriages to fail or combust in a blaze of murder/suicide glory. However, before this product became available, our marriage was guaranteed safe from this hazard by obsessive compulsive behavior.

You see, we always put the toilet lid down in our bathroom to prevent a flush from spraying germs in festive patterns across the fixtures and paraphernalia in the bathroom and to establish a certain procedure for toilet usage. You always lift the lid and/or toilet seat and then replace it/them when you’re finished. By resetting the Toilet User Interface to a common starting point, we assure that it’s in a known state each time we want to use it.

Our marriage is safe, and we’re not out $30 plus shipping and handling.

Perhaps I should patent the business process of obsessive compulsive behaviors and then make a mint from people who cannot help doing them! Sounds like a better retirement strategy than how my 401k plans have done the last few quarters.

Coastal Marketing Types Can’t Be Wrong!

Looky here, according to iWon, network executives have realized that current television speaks mostly to the cosmopolitanly-inbred coastal types, that there are people with televisions in the hinterlands of America, and that The America Channel will attract Joe Working Man.

They say:

    A new cable channel aimed at showing real American life between the East and West coasts is planned for launch next year, its top executive said.

    “We think that Middle America has fantastic stories to tell, and we’re going to go out there and get them,” said Doron Gorshein, chairman and chief executive officer of The America Channel.

    The channel, to be formally announced Monday, is aimed at filling a void created by television’s tendency to focus on life in New York and Los Angeles, Gorshein said.

I wouldn’t be so cynical if the channel were based in Chicago, St. Louis, Milwaukee, Des Moines, Lincoln, Wichita, or any of the other cities, yes, cities in the middle of America. However, this story’s dateline is Los Angeles, so I can only assume it’s going to be twenty-four hours, seven days a week of what cosmopolitanly-inbred coastal types think life is like in the rest of the country.

Sorry, bud, you have no road cred.

Someone Start a James Lileks Beer Fund, Stat!

In today’s The Bleat, James Lileks admits:

    I’ve lost a few pounds this summer, mostly because I cut out beer, and a few hours of grunting and strewing couldn’t hurt. [Emphasis mine.]

Lileks is too proud to admit it, but he might have cut out beer because Mrs. Lileks has lost her job, and good beer, such as Guinness Draught, costs almost an hour’s worth of “living wage” per six pack. Although a “Work Ten Minutes, Get A Beer” salary program sounds good to me, come to think of it.

Quick, someone set up a beer fund to help keep Mr. Lileks in the choicest of beers, and hurry, before he becomes emaciated.

Coastal Marketing Types Can’t Be Wrong!

Looky here, according to iWon, network executives have realized that current television speaks mostly to the cosmopolitanly-inbred coastal types, that there are people with televisions in the hinterlands of America, and that The America Channel will attract Joe Working Man.

They say:

    A new cable channel aimed at showing real American life between the East and West coasts is planned for launch next year, its top executive said.

    “We think that Middle America has fantastic stories to tell, and we’re going to go out there and get them,” said Doron Gorshein, chairman and chief executive officer of The America Channel.

    The channel, to be formally announced Monday, is aimed at filling a void created by television’s tendency to focus on life in New York and Los Angeles, Gorshein said.

I wouldn’t be so cynical if the channel were based in Chicago, St. Louis, Milwaukee, Des Moines, Lincoln, Wichita, or any of the other cities, yes, cities in the middle of America. However, this story’s dateline is Los Angeles, so I can only assume it’s going to be twenty-four hours, seven days a week of what cosmopolitanly-inbred coastal types think life is like in the rest of the country.

Sorry, bud, you have no road cred.

Someone Start a James Lileks Beer Fund, Stat!

In today’s The Bleat, James Lileks admits:

    I’ve lost a few pounds this summer, mostly because I cut out beer, and a few hours of grunting and strewing couldn’t hurt. [Emphasis mine.]

Lileks is too proud to admit it, but he might have cut out beer because Mrs. Lileks has lost her job, and good beer, such as Guinness Draught, costs almost an hour’s worth of “living wage” per six pack. Although a “Work Ten Minutes, Get A Beer” salary program sounds good to me, come to think of it.

Quick, someone set up a beer fund to help keep Mr. Lileks in the choicest of beers, and hurry, before he becomes emaciated.

Heather’s Innocence Exposed

So my beautiful wife Heather picked up a copy of The Healthy Planet: Your Source for Environmental, Health [sic] & Natural Living News as we were leaving her weekend hangout The Touring Cyclist. After a couple of minutes perusing its contents, my sweet light, unversed in the grim ways of politics and whack jobs, exclaims that the writers and editors of this publication are quite to the left of political center!

Isn’t she cute?

Of course, she then challenged me why I stereotyped people who eat healthy and care about the animals as left wing whack jobs and people who eat meat and potatoes, sometimes at all three meals, as right wing whack jobs. I didn’t really have a logical answer; most of my stereotyping relies on ancedotal evidence and statistical inference.

Aren’t I cute?

Erica Jong, Grown Up At Last?

Professor Reynolds links to this story by Erica Jong wherein Ms. Jong dispenses some advice for married people and their sex lives. Unlike her books, this article seems to present the idea of preserving a marriage.

I guess I shouldn’t be so quick to generalize. I’ve only read How to Save Your Own Life (the sequel to Fear of Flying), and since I was not a neurotic, repressed adultress-waiting-to-happen, I didn’t feel empowered by it.

Heather’s Innocence Exposed

So my beautiful wife Heather picked up a copy of The Healthy Planet: Your Source for Environmental, Health [sic] & Natural Living News as we were leaving her weekend hangout The Touring Cyclist. After a couple of minutes perusing its contents, my sweet light, unversed in the grim ways of politics and whack jobs, exclaims that the writers and editors of this publication are quite to the left of political center!

Isn’t she cute?

Of course, she then challenged me why I stereotyped people who eat healthy and care about the animals as left wing whack jobs and people who eat meat and potatoes, sometimes at all three meals, as right wing whack jobs. I didn’t really have a logical answer; most of my stereotyping relies on ancedotal evidence and statistical inference.

Aren’t I cute?

Erica Jong, Grown Up At Last?

Professor Reynolds links to this story by Erica Jong wherein Ms. Jong dispenses some advice for married people and their sex lives. Unlike her books, this article seems to present the idea of preserving a marriage.

I guess I shouldn’t be so quick to generalize. I’ve only read How to Save Your Own Life (the sequel to Fear of Flying), and since I was not a neurotic, repressed adultress-waiting-to-happen, I didn’t feel empowered by it.

Real or Memorex?

Over at the Volokh Conspiracy, conspirator Randy Barnett has an interesting musing on young tribute bands. He wonders, who really reflects the true nature of the songs: tribute bands who are the same age as the band they cover when that band was popular, or the Band, which by now contains replacement members and old men?

Real or Memorex?

Over at the Volokh Conspiracy, conspirator Randy Barnett has an interesting musing on young tribute bands. He wonders, who really reflects the true nature of the songs: tribute bands who are the same age as the band they cover when that band was popular, or the Band, which by now contains replacement members and old men?

Forget Freddy Versus Jason

If you want to get me into a movie theater to see a match between two tough guys, let’s see:


Michael Ironside (V: The Final Battle, Total Recall, Starship Troopers)
Vs.
Tommy Lee Jones (Under Siege, The Fugitive, Men in Black)


It would be a tough call to determine who would survive or win such a head-to-head , but don’t forget Tommy Lee Jones did radio ads for Albert Gore in 2000, whereas Michael Ironside once starred in a movie with Arnold Schwarzengovernor. Advantage: Ironside!