40+ Years Later, It’s News?
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Category: Headlines
Those In The Software Quality Industry Snicker At Headline
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That’s An Awfully Expensive Field Trip
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A Good Deal, But The Shipping from Sudan Is Expensive
An eBay auction for a lot of 10 Female Christian Artists.
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Headline Offers Cheap Psychological Evaluation
Paranoia grows over Google’s power
Reuters headline writers were unavailable to surmise how people concerned about the reach of Google’s data depth and related data mining actually went crazy, but Reuters headline writers did not have the time to work up a complete mental profiles. They had only time to diagnose that those people suffer from a delusional disorder or perhaps schizophrenia.
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Guns Don’t Kill People; Shootings Kill People
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Put An Ad On Craigslist, Someone Will Apply
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He Must Have Had a Heart Attack
Skydiver killed when parachute fails
I mean, if the death was immediate.
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Addicts Have To Steal
SUV crashes into store, perhaps in attempt to steal guns
With gas prices so high these days, vehicles are forced to a life of crime.
Or maybe it was planning an invasion of Venezuela to liberate some sweet crude.
(Link seen on Ravenwood’s Universe.)
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How Can You Lose What You Don’t Have?
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Another Horror of Reanimation
Not only are the results undead, but they’re litigious:
Former Dead musician sues YouTube over unauthorized videos
Dr. Frankenstein never had this problem, but he was before the time of cell phone video.
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Someone Handled Their Loss to Detroit Badly
First, McLennan does some slashing, then Calgary loses. Then, the rampage: Flames rip through south St. Louis home.
There is too much violence in hockey.
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Certainty in a Headline
Finally, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch drops all mincing words and qualifiers and boldly asserts something without a doubt:
‘Doomsday vault’ near North Pole will keep species safe from war, disaster
A highly speculative science fiction story that has so far only received some funding gets the solid verb tense. But deal with something that happened, and the Post-Dispatch will append “,(common noun) say” to the end.
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More Imus Fallout
Offensively named Don Ho fired from life.
UPDATE! MfBJN: Less classy than Rocket Jones!
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Senseless Shooting in Illinois
Cahokia fire kills mother, 3 children
I am trying to figure out the use of passive/active voice in St. Louis Post-Dispatch headlines. I think the rules are something like this:
- If it’s an intentional act of causing harm performed by a perpetrator of a crime, it calls for passive voice: Man Is Killed In Robbery.
- If it’s an act of nature that can show no mens rea, use a transitive verb that implies intention in the active voice: Cahokia Fire Kills Mother, 3 Children.
Does that about cover it?
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In Other Campaign 2008 News
Gore’s plan: Run harder, do better
Oops, sorry. Wrong Gore.
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Unfortunate Juxtaposition of Headlines
From today’s StLToday.com:
Man charged in gunplay at Metro East mall
Shopping center war to escalate
No word on weather Congress has determined a redeployment timeline now that the war is escalating over shopping centers.
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Guns Don’t Kill People
St. Louis shootings wound 2, kill 1
If only we could get the shootings off of the city streets and into jail, St. Louis would be a far safer place.
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The Hawaiian Insurgency
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Alaskan Insurgents Strike
Alaska Moose Brings Down Helicopter
Retreat! Redeploy our rangers to Seattle where they’ll be safe!
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